Weed vs. Fruit

Amid the chaos of last week, I made time to write my talk. More accurately, amid the chaos of Saturday night, I made time to write my talk. I had studied my assigned material and prayed, but inspiration did not strike until the night before I was to speak. I was thankful when it finally came.

This is the longest talk I've ever given. We usually only have two speakers in Sacrament Meeting in our ward, so I was told to prepare for fifteen to seventeen minutes. And I filled my time. So be prepared, it is not short.

Weed or Fruit

I’ve been a bundle of nerves for the last two weeks. Not because I’m speaking in church, but rather because we’re moving on Wednesday. It’s amazing how stressful a move can be. And when I’m stressed I’m more easily annoyed, I’m quicker to anger, and I tend to think that those around me are going out of their way to make me feel like a crazy person. And you know, it’s equally amazing how quickly my stressed-out attitude spreads to the rest of my family. My snippy answers to the boys result in snippy, disrespectful responses.

The Spirit of Contention is contagious. And it spreads most easily to those that are closest to us.

In his talk from the last General Conference “The Merciful Obtain Mercy”, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

“Strained and broken relationships are as old as humankind itself. Ancient Cain was the first who allowed the cancer of bitterness and malice to canker his heart… I imagine that every person on earth has been affected in some way by the destructive spirit of contention, resentment, and revenge.”

I reach a moment in my anxiety and annoyance where I recognize that most of my anger is the result of things I think other people should be doing. Or things that I think I should be doing, not because of anything they’ve actually done. At these instances, my judgmental attitude slowly poisons everything I do. At this point, I need to make a choice. I can choose to pursue the unhappiness I’m holding onto, or I can take a deep breath and follow President Uchtdorf’s council from the same talk: Stop it.

He said, “It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters… We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed? Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?”

When he says it like that, it seems like a simple choice. Why would I do something that makes me unhappy when all I have to do is stop and I’ll feel better? Why not choose to forgive the wrongs?

Imagine with me for a minute that you have a garden. Some of you actually do have gardens, so this won’t be hard. This garden has long, beautiful, straight rows. You’ve planted your favorite fruits and vegetables and you’ve watered eagerly, waiting for the first bits of green to poke through the soil. You’ve neglected one important detail, however, you’ve given no thought to weeding. You’re busy and decide that the weeds won’t do too much damage, so you let them stay and grow along with the carrots and peas and beans. If you’ve ever had a garden, you know that weeds like to steal nutrients from the plants nearby. The plants are left looking dull, withered, and tiny.

Now instead of a garden, imagine your heart and your mind. You choose feelings of kindness, love, happiness and plant those in those long, beautiful straight rows. You work to nurture these feelings. But then little seeds of anger, bitterness, and resentment creep in. You’re busy and those unwanted feelings aren’t taking up too much room, so rather than plucking them out, you let them stay. As time goes by you notice those dark feelings more and more until they have crowded out the uplifting feelings you had originally planted.

Speaking of Cain again, President Uchtdorf said, “He tilled the ground of his soul with envy and hatred and allowed these feelings to ripen until he did the unthinkable—murdering his own brother and becoming, in the process, the father of Satan’s lies.”

How do we pull out those weeds of contention? How do we forgive?

I remember a day before Bryan and I had kids. We had a disagreement, I’ve forgotten about what, and I was steaming. Some people eat when they’re mad, I clean. I filled the sink with hot, soapy water and went to work. After brooding about why I was right, I realized that I felt lousy and should go apologize, but I couldn’t make myself do it. So I grabbed my Hymn Book and set it on the counter so I could see it while I scrubbed. I decided that I would sing every hymn until I felt the anger melt away. Somewhere around hymn 59 I rinsed off my hands and went to say sorry to Bryan and to forgive him and ask for forgiveness. For me, the hymns of the church invite the Holy Ghost and help me to forgive.

Speaking of the hymns, look closely at the second verse of Did You Think to Pray:

When your heart was filled with anger,

Did you think to pray?

Did you plead for grace, my brother,

That you might forgive another

Who had crossed your way?

Refrain

O how praying rests the weary!

Prayer will change the night to day;

So when life seems dark and dreary,

Don’t forget to pray.

Prayer, sincerely offered can change our hearts so we are more inclined to forgive.

In Enos chapter 1 verses 4-6 we read that Enos dropped to his knees in prayer in the middle of a hunting trip and prayed.

4 And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.

 5 And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed.

 6 And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away.

Enos accepted the forgiveness, then went on to pray for the Lamanites. The Savior taught in the Sermon on the Mount, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”

Singing hymns and praying are two aspects of the bigger key to forgiveness. President Uchtdorf gives us that key. He said, “How is it done? Through the love of God … The more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions—the more we allow our love for our Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts—the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade. As always, Christ is our exemplar. In His teachings as in His life, He showed us the way. He forgave the wicked, the vulgar, and those who sought to hurt and to do Him harm… The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other.”

When I’m being judgmental, I’m focusing on the flaw and imperfections of people around me. I often especially focus on my own flaws and imperfections. It’s that unimaginable potential that President Uchtdorf spoke of that I ignore. Did you catch the end of that quote? It said, “Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other.” So because Heavenly Father loves us, he sees our flaws but doesn’t let them distract him from our potential, and we must do the same.

One of my favorite stories in the scriptures is the conversion of Alma the Younger. After working to destroy the church, he was visited by an angel and was left unconscious. Later in his life he taught his son Heleman about the power of forgiveness. Starting with Alma 36:17.

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

 18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

 19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

 20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

 21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

Alma tells us that being on the receiving end of forgiveness is a sweet and exquisite joy. Why then, would we want to withhold that joy from anyone, even if they have done something to wrong or offend us?

In Doctrine and Covenants 64:9-10 we are taught

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. 10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

We are not just encouraged to forgive, or gently reminded to forgive. No, we are REQUIRED to forgive.

Go back to the analogy of the garden. This time, rather than ignore the weeds, you see them, and you pull them out. But one week in particular is quite pretty. It has a delicate looking vine and pretty flowers and you decide that one little vine won’t hurt, so you leave it in your garden. In fact, you are so fond of the way it looks, you clear a few of the smaller plants from around it so it can grow. You begin to cultivate it. It isn’t until the Morning Glory, this pretty weed, has wrapped itself around all of your pumpkin and zucchini plants and begun the process of squeezing the life out of them that you realize that you’ve sacrificed good plants to an insidious weed.

Now move to the other garden, the one in your soul. The Morning Glory is a grudge or a refusal to forgive a friend or a family member. Not only do you allow it to stay, you nurture it by focusing on the anger or the hurt you feel you’ve experienced at their hands. Soon that grudge will choke out the kindness and love you once felt.

How do we replace bitterness with the love of God? President Uchtdorf tells us. "In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.” Brothers and sisters, let us put down our stones. Let us be kind. Let us forgive. Let us talk peacefully with each other. Let the love of God fill our hearts. “Let us do good unto all men.""

Forgiveness heals. It heals our relationships with those who we feel have hurt us. It heals our own hearts. It removes the choking weeds of bitterness and anger and replaces them with the beautiful, life giving fruits of love and kindness.

Think of the words of the Savior when he hung upon the cross at Calvary. As his tormentors mocked him he pled with Heavenly Father for those that were crucifying him, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Contention is contagious, but so is kindness. I bear my testimony that forgiveness heals and is divine. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.