If I Only Had a Brain

I haven't written much (or at all?) about my autoimmune disorder. Most of the time I kind of pretend like it doesn't exist. I take some medicine for it first thing in the morning, can't eat dairy until four hours later, and have had to become (mostly) gluten free. Those are the things I deal with daily. They're annoying, but manageable. I'm aware of the symptoms, but, when my medicine is at the correct dose, they're also annoyances. Yeah I'm cold and my skin is really dry, but I can wear slippers and a jacket in my house and apply extra lotion.

But sometimes it shows up more than I'd like. When I've overworked myself and neglected the basics of caring for myself (regular exercise and sleep), the disorder arrives in force. These are called flares. I've been in a flare for most of the last week. 

Profound exhaustion is one of the symptoms that sent me to the doctor initially and led to the diagnosis. I've had to nap nearly every day this week to try to counter the feeling of my head being too heavy to hold up and the realization that I probably shouldn't be driving. I thought I was feeling better yesterday because I didn't need a nap, but today proved otherwise. And I do feel silly complaining about needing to nap. Naps seem like they should be a luxury, a welcome activity. But when they're a necessity and keep you from other things that need to get done, they're not as fun.

I think the worst symptom this time has been the brain fog. My thoughts are sluggish and difficult to put into words. It kind of feels like the hangover I get after a migraine; thinking hurts for about a day. I was thankful this week that the kids provided enough blog material because I couldn't have come up with anything on my own.

Bryan is amazing and encourages me to rest when I need to. He picks up the slack, and there's a lot of slack when flares hit. I am not so good about resting. I've trained myself to constantly be productive and lying in bed with no energy feels more like torture than rejuvenation. Bryan reminds me that rest is productive, but I struggle to convince myself of that.

The good news for tonight is that the brain fog has cleared enough for me to write this post. Maybe the other symptoms will begin to calm down as well.