Tired Brain

Last night I returned home from a last minute trip to visit my brother Isaac and his wife Falisha in Idaho Falls. I planned to write up the trip and loaded a bunch of pictures into a post. And now I'm realizing that my brain is still so tired from the trip that this is all I can write at the moment.

The trip recap will need to wait for another day.

Off On Another Adventure

Today's vacation recap has been postponed, but only by a little. 

Cooper spent most of last week camping with other young men from church at High Adventure. He loved it and had a fantastic time. Maybe someday he'll write a blog post about it. He got home on Saturday, worked on unpacking, cleaning his gear, and showering. Then he turned around and started packing for his next adventure. He and Peter left today for a week of FSY. I stayed up much later than was wise making sure they were packed and that all of their clothes were clean.

It was a rough night.

Here We Come A-Caroling

Remember that cryptic post about December swallowing me whole? Well, one of the reasons the month feels overwhelming is taking place this Sunday night. Our Ward is putting on a Christmas Concert. Our choir is singing and three other choirs are joining us, including one we found out about on Wednesday. Add to that a song from the Primary and five solos or small group numbers and there's a lot to plan for. I'm not in charge, but I'm putting in a lot of time giving second opinions and helping to plan. And I'm writing the narration, but that's the fun part and not a burden.

Anyway, I will be much calmer when the concert is over.

Reboot In Process

I took a nap yesterday.

It helped a lot.

That is all.

Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again

Sometimes I wish I could reboot my brain. You know when your phone or laptop get overheated it can help to turn them off and let them cool down? Yeah, my brain could benefit from that. It's only the third week of school and I'm already feeling seriously overwhelmed. Why?

I don't exactly know.

I think it's a combination of tired kids, growing paper piles from school, ignored chores, all three of my church callings being back in session after doing only one during the summer break, Topher discovering he can climb EVERYTHING, getting back into dance lessons and scouts and possible after school clubs, having exceptionally loud children and an echo-y home, carrying the mental load of who needs to be where and when for the whole house, running (ideally) daily devotionals with my family, and a general lack of consistent sleep on my part.

Yup, my brain is definitely overloaded.

One side-effect of this overwhelm is that I'm suddenly even worse at answering texts and emails than I already am. They come to my phone, I read them, then my brain shuts down when I try to respond; I simply can't find words to write back. So I put my phone away and assure myself that I'll get back to them after bedtime. Of course, by that point in the day my circuits are really fried, so I probably won't answer then either. This goes on for a few days, and then I have guilt.

Maybe instead of cooking and cleaning during Topher's mid-day nap, I'll take a cue from him and snooze as well. That's kind of like turning my brain off and on again, right?

Full of Molasses

I woke up yesterday morning with a migraine in full swing. That's only the first or second one I've had since Topher was born. Bryan stayed home from Ward Council and took care of the kids while I curled into the fetal position and tried to sleep it off. I couldn't spend the entire day in bed though. Bryan and I were half of a quartet that was supposed to sing Have I Done Any Good in Sacrament Meeting. So I relied on full doses of ibuprofen and acetaminophen and a Priesthood blessing from Bryan to get me through. The musical number went well and I was coherent all the way through church. I started to feel pretty odd once we got home.

I think the migraine is mostly gone, but still hanging on a little, to the point that I'm not really thinking as clearly as I'd like. That's why I've been starring at my computer screen for the last hour, trying to figure out what to write, not understanding why my brain feels so fuzzy, so slow, so full of molasses. Then I remembered: migraine. It's been so long, I'd forgotten about all the aftereffects that accompany my head being in a giant invisible vice. It's not my favorite.

And on that note, goodnight!

Enough

Our Valentine's Day was low-key, very low-key. Bryan's parents sent some goodies (thank you!) and Bryan brought some candy home from work, and we had a fun dinner of ramen bowls and potstickers. And that was the extent of it.

I felt guilty for most of the day that we didn't do more. Sophie asked where the decorations were, where the fun breakfast was. I was so tired, I was doing everything I could.

But you know what? We were all together, we were all relatively healthy, we enjoyed each other's company. And for this Valentine's Day, that's enough.

Recovery

We have spent the last two days resting. Topher is still tired but so much better than he was. Sophie and Peter are both on antibiotics for double ear infections and sinus infections (plus bronchitis and pink eye for Sophie) and have more energy.

I'm still recovering from my week of very little sleep. Last night I slept for nine hours. Nine hours! It's a good indication about my level of exhaustion that I was tired again by mid-day.

Hooray for rest!

Joining the Gang

Cooper and Sophie are feeling much better. Peter, Topher, and Phoebe are healing, though not one hundred percent well yet. Bryan is still pretty miserable.

And me? I made it all the way through church and choir yesterday before I started to really feel lousy. I'm not yet as sick as the rest of the family got. Maybe I'll have a light case, maybe I'll have the energy I need this week to prepare for two birthdays and Christmas, maybe I'll use my will power to keep moving forward to get stuff done.

Or maybe I'll go crawl under my covers while Sophie watches too much and TV and Topher plays in his bed.

Let's Do Nothing!*

Today we did nothing.

Well, not quite nothing. We ate and made some progress on a Christmas gift and Bryan fixed a broken bookcase. But most of the day was full of sleeping and watching movies and playing games. Because Topher and I (and now Bryan) are still sick, we didn't even get out the Christmas tree. We laid low and tried hard to recuperate.

It was glorious.

Black Friday (spent at home and not in stores) might be my favorite day of the year.

*Does anyone else know this picture book?

The Picture Gallery

Have you noticed that most of my posts are pictures and, if I'm lucky, a few words? That's because I'm in a stage of motherhood that leaves me without the regular use of my hands, or at least the use of both hands at the same time. Topher eats often, and when he's not eating he's sleeping. When he's sleeping I have a choice to either sleep (which I try to do as often as possible), eat (which I try to do one-handed while he eats to save time), or shower (which is not a super high priority these days, because sleep).

Blogging comes after sleeping, eating, showering, and spending time with the other children. So expect several more posts of pictures until this little guy starts doing more than eating round the clock. And for the record, I'm totally okay with him eating all the time. I'm glad that he's eating and growing well and that I can help him with that.

If I Only Had a Brain

Curious about when a specific event happened, I looked up my blog posts from five years ago, knowing that would jog my memory. I quickly found what I was looking for, then spent some time reading through the things that I wrote about as Bryan completed his MBA. I made an interesting discovery: I actually wrote.

Yes, I realize that I write now, but I also have so many picture posts and conversation posts. And those are great, but I have come to rely on them much more than I used to. And the purpose of this blog is to attempt to maintain my ability to form coherent sentences. The cute kid pictures are a nice bonus. I don't spend as much time actually writing as I used to.

I wonder, is this a measurable difference between having three kids and having four kids? Most nights I finish bedtime and my brain feels fried. I stare at my computer in a confused stupor. Then I wander over to Google Photos and find a suitable offering.

If this is my brain on four kids, what on earth will happen in a few weeks when we graduate to five kids?

Sit Down, Put Your Feet Up

I've worked to stay active and exercise during this pregnancy. I haven't been able to do as much as usual, but I still like to walk a mile or two at least four days per week.

Last week I decided to push myself a little and increase my speed. This worked well the first day. I felt more energized afterward and liked finishing in a shorter amount of time. The second day, however, didn't go as well. I noticed that my left foot was getting really sore while I walked. I finally slowed down my pace (which didn't ever get very fast) and the discomfort passed.

Later that day that same discomfort came back, but this time as pain in my heel. I had trouble putting weight on my left foot and limped around the rest of the night. The pain would increase and decrease based on activity, but, as long as I put pressure on my heel, it hurt. It's continued to hurt all week.

Last night after scouts and several hours on my feet doing my normal mom stuff, I decided I needed to do something about my foot. After a Google search (yes, I took a medical concern to Google) I suspected that I had badly bruised the pad of my heel, or possibly the bone. This can be a precursor to a stress fracture, so I made the choice to stay off my foot as much as possible today.

I told the kids that I would need to spend most of the day sitting with my foot up. They rolled with it pretty well and were helpful when I asked them to fetch me things. And good news, the few times I've walked today, I haven't been in as much pain.

When I was pregnant with Peter I had to spend the last three weeks on bed-rest. I had no children to chase or taxi, so it was a pretty relaxing deal. This self-imposed bed rest of sorts is not quite as restful, but hopefully it'll do the job.

Darkness Falls

On Friday night Bryan and Peter went on a local campout with the Boy Scouts in our ward. Phoebe had a game night at school, which meant Cooper and Sophie and I would have an adventure of our own.

Shortly after returning home from dropping Phoebe off at school, the power went out. The three of us gathered in our library and talked about what we should do instead of watching a movie, our original plan. That's when Bryan called and asked us to deliver a few items that he had forgotten at home. Well, if we couldn't have fun, at least we could be productive. We slowly walked through the house, gathering the needed supplies, all while staying in the beam of the flashlight on my cell phone. By the time we made our delivery, we had less than an hour until we had to get Phoebe, not enough time to go home and wander in the dark.

The power company estimated that they would have the power back on by 9:30, which would mean that once we were back home with Phoebe, bedtime would be done in the dark. We had eaten a light dinner before dropping Phoebe off, but I figured she might be hungry when she was done. I came up with a new plan for fun.

"Hey guys, what if we go get some food, go get Phoebe, then eat in the van and watch a movie on my phone while we sit in the driveway?"

Cooper and Sophie thought that sounded awesome.

The real aim of my plan was to keep my phone charging in the car as long as I could, hence the suggestion that we hang out in the van so much longer than necessary. We grabbed some fast food and picked up a very worn out Phoebe from her school and told her about our plan for the rest of the evening. That's when she started crying because she was so tired.

As we drove home I brainstormed about how to help Phoebe. Then, something amazing happened. We entered our neighborhood and discovered that the power had come back on early! We didn't need to sit in the car trying to watch a movie on my little phone after all.

In celebration, we ate our fast food picnic-style on a blanket on the living room floor while we watched a short movie. By the time we had all eaten and the kids were tucked into bed, it was 9:30. I snuggled with each child for a bit. At 10, the girls both asleep, I was holding Cooper's hand. My eyes were suddenly too heavy to keep open.

I woke up at nearly 11 at night. My first thought was, "I still need to blog and exercise." My second thought followed quickly, "Nope, I'm going to sleep." Hence no post on Friday.

It ended up being a good choice. Due to a headache and simply being cold, I woke up at 3AM, unable to fall back to sleep until two hours later. I would have really been a zombie if I hadn't gone right to sleep the night before.

On a positive note, Bryan and Peter had a much more successful camping experience than their rain-soaked outing back in May. And despite our late night adventure in the dark, the kids that were with me had a pretty good time too.

Winner, Winner

After the kids were in bed tonight, I finally got to exercise. I've been favoring the treadmill, so it'd been awhile since I'd used the rowing machine. Bonus: I talked to my sister while I worked out. After a solid two miles, I planned to blog, shower, then fold laundry.

I got as far as turning on the laptop and sitting up in bed, ready to type.

And then I woke up an hour later.

Sleep wins tonight.

Beware

If, on a Friday evening at the conclusion of a particularly long week, you decide you'll spend some time snuggling each child as they're falling asleep, beware. Your eyes may grow heavy, your list of items to be accomplished after bedtime may lose it's appeal, and the fact that the kids' beds are significantly more comfortable than your own may be realized. So you'll let your eyes close, certain that you'll be up again in just a moment or two.

And then you'll wake up at eleven at night, not sure of where you are or how you got there.

Beware.

My Brain Was Too Full

It feels like we've run a marathon these last four days. Between church obligations and school projects, our days, and a portion of our nights, have been packed.

Did you notice I didn't post on Friday? I kept thinking that I needed to take care of it, then my brain was so full of plans and things that I needed to accomplish for the weekend, I completely forgot until Saturday morning.

Oops.

And now it's nearly midnight and we're almost done with our last project of the night. Bryan and I were both so busy ensuring that the boys finished the big homework assignments that they have due tomorrow, our evening meal was the ever faithful backup: cereal.

Goodnight all, I hope tomorrow is slower...

To the Point

I'm sick. Stuffed-head, drippy nose, watery eyes, just-want-to-crawl-into-bed sick.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Goodnight.

Extra Extra

Last night, as we sat down to eat dinner, Peter gave voice to something I'd been thinking for a few days. "Is it just me, or is everybody extra tired this week?"

We are dragging this week, all of us. I can't exactly figure out why. Bryan has been working late, which leads to exhaustion for the parent at the office and for the parent not at the office, and I continue to stay up later than a sane person should, so I understand the reasons for our weariness. But the kids are all worn out as well.

Peter, who has been so devoted to getting up early and checking off his to-do list, has been turning off his alarm clock each morning. Cooper is often difficult to motivate in the morning, but the past few days we've nearly been late to school because the clock simply moves faster than our boy. Poor Sophie and Phoebe have been running out of steam by the late afternoon and spending the remainder of the hours until bedtime alternating between throwing angry tantrums and weeping because "he was looking at me funny."

Seriously.

As we limp toward the weekend, I am extra thankful that we will be staying in our pajamas, participating in church on our couch. That's right, my favorite weekend has come round again. The semi-annual General Conference for our church will take place on Saturday and Sunday, and I'm looking forward to being spiritually renewed and uplifted.

Also to wearing pajamas.

Sharing

During the Christmas break Bryan caught a terrible cold. Sophie got it next and it became croup. The two of them stayed home from church on Sunday so as not to spread germs. They're both still coughing and dragging a bit, but beginning to feel better.

Guess who's turn it is now?

I tucked myself into bed at about 8 o'cock last night. I didn't go to sleep then, but I was in pajamas and under the covers. My head hurts and my eyes and nose are drippy and I hope I have no need to perform complex math problems for the next few days because I think this virus has short-circuited my ability to think. I am very thankful that it's nearly the weekend and that Bryan will be here to help.