Blurry

On Friday morning while I was getting ready to take the boys to school, I had a migraine. My vision was compromised and I couldn't drive, but thankfully Bryan was able to move his schedule and act as chauffeur. The headache ran its course and I carried on with the day.

Between Friday morning and this afternoon, I have had nine migraines. Nine. That's a new record for me. A few have been without pain, but all have slashed my vision. After each headache it takes longer for my eyes to return to normal. Right now I can kind of see the computer. It's blurry, but I know the keyboard well enough to get something down.

I had migraines when I was pregnant with Phoebe, but this is getting crazy. I have to wake up in the middle of the night to eat in an attempt to stave off a headache. And then I have to keep eating all day long. All. Day. Long.

If my next few posts are just pictures, assume it's because I couldn't really see the computer to write anything else. I hope this doesn't continue for the next sixteen weeks.

One Can Be Pensive, Even In One's Sleep

Bringing Balance to the Force

One thing that has set this move, and this pregnancy, apart from the others is the distance we've traveled. In the past we would move but still go to our previous doctors. Not this time. We even changed insurance companies. That's why the twenty-week mark came and went with no ultrasound. We had to wait to pick our plan and be official. Then went weeks twenty-one, twenty-two, and twenty-three. We've waited so long that people have stared assuming that we just don't want to know.

Except we do want to know.

Or wanted to know.

Because today we found out.

Would you like to know if we're having a boy or a girl?

I'll use a quote from Phoebe to tell you, "My baby sister is going to be a sister!"

It's a girl!

Oh, and she's measuring two weeks ahead of my due date. So either my dates are wrong (which I don't think is the case), or she's going to be tall like her dad. Yeah, I'm guessing that's it.

Like a Rock

Remember that Peter's new teacher used M&Ms on the first day? Well, Peter had severe anxiety over this. The only way I got him back the next day was to promise to call the school nurse and to talk to the teacher. It's understandable that it caused him so much stress; he recognizes the possible consequence of working with peanut items.

Yesterday I stopped in at the office. The nurse was out, so I left a message. Peter wanted me to talk to his teacher right then and there, but I had the feeling that the nurse should be my first contact. She called me back not long after I got home. I've talked to her so much now that she didn't identify herself as the nurse, only as "Deb."

I began by saying there had been an incident in the class that I wanted to talk to her about. It turns out, she already knew what had happened. After Peter's refusal to participate in an activity and subsequent insistence that the whole class wipe down their desks and wash their hands, his teacher wanted to find out if his concerns were legit. Thankfully, the nurse backed up Peter and praised his ability to hold his ground when the teacher wanted him to do something that was dangerous for him. Well, if there is one thing Peter excels at, it is holding his ground! She told me that she had explained to the teacher what she would need to do in the future when buying edible items for the class. And she invited me to please call her anytime I had a concern.

That afternoon Peter's teacher exited the school shortly after Peter. He saw her and started dragging me toward her. I assured him that I had worked it out with the nurse, but I had promised.

The first thing his teacher said when she saw me was, "I am so sorry!" We went on to have a nice conversation and I was able to give her a lot of important information about working with Peter. When she found out we'd moved from Utah she got really excited and asked if we were Mormon. I said yes, and she said, "Me too!" That was an unexpected discovery. I hope she'll be a good fit for Peter. His success last year was due largely to how much his teacher loved him and wanted to see him succeed. I think that's an important part of the recipe for Peter.

Oh, and Cooper had his Kindergarten assessment today. From what I can tell his teacher only asked about letters and reading related items. What's this thing at the end of the line of words? A period. What does it do? It ends the sentence. Her comment when they emerged was, "Wow, he really knows his letters. I mean, uppercase, lowercase, he really knows them." I said, yes, he does. There were no questions about numbers, nothing about writing. I guess that means that Cooper is well prepared for this class. And that I'll need to keep challenging him with additional activities at home.

Visual Proof

I have pictures! Not all of them, but a few. Why not share what I have?

Here we have Cooper on his first day of Kindergarten. He had a Star Wars shirt (it had a picture of Darth Vader playing the drums) all picked out when we discovered we had the wrong size. So he quickly redesigned his outfit, including the painstaking process of picking cool coordinating socks. And tucking in his shirt was all his own idea.

Here he is in the classroom, looking more like the funny boy we see at our house everyday.

And here is the cool drop-down library that lives in the middle of their school. The boys are more excited to visit this room than any other in the school.

Firsts

Today was the first day of school. I have pictures, but for a handful of reasons, I can't access them. I'll work on that and see if I can add them at a future date. You'll just have to trust that they exist.

We decided to walk today. We'd looked up the route and practiced the walk last week. This morning we left with plenty of time and made it all the way there with Phoebe walking and the stroller full of school supplies for the boys' classes. On the way back I was starting to tire and I wondered if I'd read the distance correctly. When we got home I looked it up. It was a two-mile round trip, which is a touch longer than I had planned on.

We found Peter's room first. He had been really excited to play the role of the big brother and walk Cooper to his class each morning, so he was visibly disappointed to learn that his class had an external door and that he would not be entering the main part of the building at all. Add to that his teacher is very strict and she used M&Ms (which may be contaminated with peanuts and therefore off-limits to Peter) for a major class activity and didn't understand why Peter wouldn't go near them, and his first day was a little rough. The nurse at this school is fantastic, but I'm wondering if a little more instruction needs to happen with his teacher. I'll be stopping to talk to the nurse tomorrow when I take Peter, if I can convince him to go back.

Cooper had a better day. He was quite nervous and told me several times that he didn't want to go, he'd rather just stay home. He also unleashed all kinds of naughty on us this morning, which I think was probably an outcropping of the anxiety. Once we started walking though, he calmed down. His teacher is very sweet and chatted with me about plans to help Cooper stay dry (since he regularly refuses to use the bathroom) while he confidently unloaded the two bags of stuff we'd acquired for the class. At the end of the day he ran toward me with a huge grin and reported that he had recess and lunch and colored and played and went on a tour of the school.

And the best part? He was dry! We asked Cooper if his teacher had had him use the bathroom and his response was, "Yeah, a lot!"

Phoebe and I had a girl day that included going to the library, Walmart, and watching My Little Pony. She had a ball. Cooper doesn't go back until Monday and I'm afraid that she's not quite ready to go back to sharing me.

So it was good for Cooper and Phoebe, but the day could have been better for Peter.

Talk Radio

Thanks to everyone that has shared their faith and prayers on behalf of my dear friends. We're still praying for them.

And thanks to those that commented on my post last week about the mixed messages we get as mothers. I've loved reading your responses. As I've continued to ponder this topic over the last few days, I've thought about what you've written and how and where to apply those things.

Tonight as I was preparing to clean the kitchen for the night (because waking up to a clean kitchen helps my day run smoother), I was glancing at Facebook. A friend had shared a broadcast from the Mormon Channel. Wanting something to listen to, I clicked on the link and went to work.

The topic? Keeping Your Sanity in a Home of Little Ones. Really. They touched on a few of the subjects that I wrote about and more that I've been thinking about. It didn't provide a complete answer, but it did bring comfort and understanding. If you have thirty minutes and need a boost, especially regarding this topic, I recommend it.

An Important Request

One of my favorite people in the world is my friend Gretel. She and I were roommates in college, we took several classes together, worked in neighboring departments at BYU, and she was one of my bridesmaids at my wedding. We love the time that we spend with Gretel, her husband Will, and their two darling children.

I found out tonight that Will went into cardiac arrest this morning. He is currently in a medically induced coma. He's just a little older than Bryan, so still quite young to have gone through this.

Cooper and Phoebe were already asleep when we found out, but Peter was still up and heard me gasp and wanted to know what was wrong and why I had tears in my eyes. When we told him, he asked if we could say a prayer. Right there in the hallway, the three of us did.

I rarely make a request like this, but would you remember Will and Gretel and their children in your prayers as well?

Thank you.

Paparazzi

Sometimes during a Costco trip you need to distract your children while you covertly purchase a birthday present for one of them. So you give them your phone and tell them those three little words they've been hoping to hear: take some pictures. You succeed in your aim and now have a few gifts to tuck away until the big day. You also end up with pictures like these.

Are you surprised I took the kids shopping again after the Walmart debacle yesterday? Me too. We were out of milk though, and Costco tends to have a special magic that Walmart doesn't. Can the children sense that the employees are more content and the quality of the products higher? No, it's probably the samples. Either way, we made it out with no tears from any of us. Huzzah!

The Balancing Act

I've been thinking a lot recently about some of the conflicting messages that moms get. Here are a few:

• We should embrace the magic of childhood and let kids be kids, but we also need to teach them how to work hard. 
• We should play with our kids because they're small for such a short time, and not worry about the state of our house. But we need to have a warm, safe, and inviting home, which is difficult when we're letting it go so we can play. 
• We need to put away the outside distractions and focus on our kids, but also take time to recharge and let them know that we're people and have lives outside of being moms.

Perhaps I haven't figured out the right balance between these things. Or maybe it's more about different seasons of life, a time to play and a time to work?

We've noticed a disturbing trend in our house. When we do something fun or special for the kids, instead of being thankful or enjoying it, they complain and demand more. And if we ask them to put something away or be helpful, they protest that we're mean and requiring too much. I know that other kids complain, but it's getting to the point that we have a hard time planning special activities because we know they'll be met with nothing but criticism and complaints.

I ask the kids to clean alongside me so they can learn to work and then I don't have to ignore them while I scrub away. Win-win, right? Except they think I should do all the cleaning while they play. And they didn't make the mess (even when they did), so why should they clean it up? Perhaps I'm the only one, but when the house devolves into chaos, I can't think clearly and it seems that the children can't either. We don't have love at home when we're crunching on spilled cereal and wearing dirty clothes.

I play with my kids a lot. I've also been trying to teach them to entertain themselves. I don't think I should constantly give them things to do. I want them to be self-directed, which is why I give them unstructured playtime. But I still want to be present. I've been trying to read while they play, thus staying in the same room, available to answer questions, but also not a barrier to whatever creative play might be brewing. 

My goal in this is two-fold. I'm trying to teach them to use their brains and I'm trying to show them that I don't have to give them 100% of my attention 100% of the time. Sometimes I feel good about this. And sometimes I feel guilty. As the mom shouldn't I want to always play with them? Shouldn't I want to provide countless activities for their enjoyment? Shouldn't I want to spend every waking hour preparing enriching and stimulating fun for their growth and development?

The truth is, I'm tired. Maybe that's why I feel so conflicted over these topics. In a perfect world I would have an endless supply of energy and patience. Or, better yet, my children wouldn't require an endless supply of energy and patience. But they do. A trip to Walmart today left me near tears. I even had one of those giant three-child carts, so running off wasn't the issue this time. No, there were several other behaviors that left me feeling broken and helpless and wishing for the school year to begin.

So how do I teach them to value and enjoy work while encouraging them to be children? How do I let go of the chores while still having a house where the Holy Ghost and sanity want to dwell? How do I give my attention to my children while still retaining a bit of myself so I can continue to have a well from which to draw to care for them?

Am I the only one feeling torn? How do you manage the balance?