The Unknown

Today was a hard day. Occasionally I write about the rough days, but more often than not I cheat and post a quick happy picture of the kids and then go numb my emotions by reading Facebook. That's what I wanted to do tonight as well, but it appears I'm making a different choice.

These hard days have been coming fast and furious lately. I could say it's because the kids are out of school or because the TV is broken or because everybody at my house wants to be in charge and nobody wants to listen, but those are simply parts of the whole. There are so many factors that go into the day feeling like it WILL NEVER END. I can't write about all of them, because they aren't all solely my burdens to bear, but I can write about one.

This is the last rotation for Bryan's program. I've written in the past about how difficult moving so often is, and I still feel that way. On the other hand, we've had many wonderful experiences that never would have happened if we'd stayed in one place. Ever the optimist, eh? Finding the silver lining is my natural default setting. That's what I do every time a friend or family member asks where we're going next, but it's growing more and more challenging.

See, we were told that we would have an assignment in place by April 22. Today is June 6, and we still don't know. To make the situation even more exciting we had to give notice that we would not be renewing our lease (just in case we need to move) and would/will probably move next month.

Do you hear that? It's the sound of my heart palpitating in a frantic, panic inducing rhythm.

I'm not the only one freaking out about it. Bryan is probably feeling the stress most of all, but the kids are certainly anxious. Our immediate future is a path that drops off into darkness. Every friend and family member I talk to asks: have you heard? do you know?

I will send a mass text/email/well choreographed flash mob to notify my community at large when we know the plan.

Until then, I live in a state of emotional paralysis. Do I start preparing the kids emotionally to move? Do I plan the summer? Do I ready our belongings for a relocation? Do I look for places to live in the various possible locations we might end up? Do I bucket list the heck out of Illinois? Do I focus on spending as much time with our friends as we can while we're here?

Too many questions freeze my brain, just ask my kids. Sometimes they'll all come at me with simultaneous queries and I have to yell out, "Stop! This is overwhelming!"

That's what I want to shout at this job situation, "Stop! This is overwhelming!"

Perhaps a better choice would be, "Hurry! This is overwhelming!"