Giving It (Not Quite) My All

Last week three different people commented that they didn't know how I was doing everything that I'm doing, that they were impressed at how together I seemed, at what a conscientious mom I am, at how patient and relaxed I was. They asked my secret.

I laughed.

I don't know how even one person thought I was relaxed or together, though I do work hard at the momming bit. Over the last few months one phrase has continued to run through my head: at capacity. I am at capacity for everything. We are doing just enough of what needs to be done to stay afloat, and nothing more.

After I laughed, I did give some real answers. Here are a few of them:

I say no to many activities out of a desire to maintain my mental health. I don't say no to everything (I still have three callings at church, which is proof that I'm still saying yes), but I don't participate in much. That includes stuff for the kids. I'm excited that Peter is doing volleyball, but it's already sent disruptive waves into the rest of our schedule and I'm not sure how to reorganize it. Phoebe wants to do an after school swimming program that would be twice a week, but I'll probably need to say no, in part because I simply can't be in two places at once.

We've placed a ridiculous emphasis on chores and teaching the kids to clean. Sometimes this is awesome, because my house stays much cleaner than it would if I were trying to clean up after everyone else. I still clean, but much less than I would if we hadn't made chores so important, and it's usually while people are at work and school, so I suspect they don't know it's happening. Sometimes it's awful because nobody here likes to clean and there is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth when chores are mentioned. That does not a happy home make. But I believe that in the long term their lives will be blessed by knowing how to clean and having an appreciation of and desire for a clean house, so we clean.

I try to keep everyone's expectations really low. Seriously. That way when I'm finally able to do something full out, it's amazing. But if people expected amazing all the time? Nope, I'm already exhausted.

Speaking of which, I have learned that I must have a minimum of two showers per week to maintain any level of social acceptability. But that minimum is also usually the maximum number I can make time for during the week. Thank goodness for dry shampoo.

I sit and hold Topher almost every evening while I listen to scriptures and books. There is something important about being made to sit instead of being constantly busy. And the scriptures and other books enrich my mind and soul. Maybe that's where the false impression of patience comes from?

Finally, after many years, I'm embracing sleep. I sleep whenever I can. I nap. I've started getting insanely tired at like 10:00 at night, to the point that I can't keep my eyes open. It's really odd, but I'm trying to go for it.

And that's it. That's what I do. It's not much. It's certainly not enough to warrant the comments I received, but it's just enough to keep us moving forward.