I've written before about my neurotic-mom tendencies. You know, how I won't let Cooper play in front of the TV cabinet if it's open, my desire to always be in charge, and my fear that a bump on the head will lead to a life-threatening injury. Well, Saturday during a church meeting I thought of another one.
I won't leave my boys with a baby-sitter. Correction: I won't leave them with a baby-sitter who is not also a blood relation that I know well and trust. Immediate family members are great. Too bad only two of them (and two VERY busy ones at that) live near us.
I thought about this because we were talking about attending the Temple regularly. And not just attending, but attending with your spouse. Thanks to my calling, I've been able to go to the Temple about once a month, but I don't think Bryan and I have been together in over a year. Sad, I know.
What got me was how easily the other women spoke about finding a baby-sitter. Leave my small children with a twelve-year-old? No problem! Actually, I was one of those twelve-year-olds. And I was a very good baby-sitter. I played with the kids, I fed them, I cleaned-up. I even let one of them cut my hair (Oops...). If I was such a beacon of child-care artistry, why am I so against leaving my boys with a baby-sitter?
Maybe because the one time I left Peter at a friend's house to play (we were moving and I was eight-months-pregnant with Cooper and I really needed to finish cleaning our old apartment) when we went to pick him up, the mom didn't know where they were. It turns out he had followed his friend out to their partially fenced backyard to play. And the friend was the oldest person out there. She was three.
Maybe it's because I know how crazy I am, and I don't think anyone is going to be as aware or safety conscious as I am. See, I'm letting the crazy out a little too much.
Or maybe it's because I've read too many stories about baby-sitters doing horrible things to children. I'm not going to go into any more detail than that.
I'm trying to figure out how to move past this, just a little bit. I've heard we have an excellent, reputable, responsible Young Woman in our ward that is a wonderful baby-sitter. I wonder if she'll still be in the ward by the time I work up the courage to leave my boys with her.
So, my friends, how do you find a baby-sitter you can trust? And once you've found one, how do you leave your children with her?
After all, I would like to go to the Temple with Bryan at least once a year...
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We pretty much don't do babysitters either. My parents live nearby so if at all possible I use them. If they're not available I have two friends with little girls a few months older or younger than Wes that are my backups. Aaaand that's it. Which is why Wes pretty much goes with us everywhere and we haven't been to the temple together in ages.
It's only since moving here that we use the occasional babysitter -- there were just no YW nearby when we were in Illinois (plus my kids were still pretty young).
Out here, we asked the YW president who she'd recommend. We tried out a few of them and weren't impressed with one (she actually totally spaced the first time we asked her so we had to take the kids with us, and the second time she just had the kids watch movies the whole time ... I mean, the kids were safe but come on, did I really pay you $30 to sit in front of the TV with my kids?) The second sitter we used was fantastic -- she's just a Beehive but in some ways they do a better job because they are just SO excited to baby-sit (whereas it's not as exciting for an older kid who could do other things and make money other places).
I haven't been brave enough to leave the boys with a sitter to go to the temple, though. We usually do shorter outings, ones that we could rush home in the middle of and get there quickly (especially if we don't know the sitter well yet). We trade babysitting with another couple for temple outings (or go separately as you mentioned).
I do think that kids are often safer with babysitters than with their little friends and moms. The moms are more adept to handle an emergency, but at the same time, I know my kids do things they'd never even think of doing when a friend is leading the way (peer pressure ... it starts already!!)
Oh, I so can NOT help you with that one. I'm the same way. It took a ot for me to be ok leaving Noah with Dug's parents. How ridiculous is that?? I don't know how to tell you how to be ok leaving Peter and Cooper with a teenager (or any sitter for that matter), because I can't do it, myself.
A sweet sister in our ward offered to watch Noah anytime we need a sitter. I smiled and thanked her, and I should have been making a mental note to call her the next time we need a sitter, right? She's a teacher for goodness sake. No, instead I was thinking, 'thanks for the offer, but... no'.
I trust family members whom I know well, and my two best friends, and that. is. it. What's worse, is the fact that we just moved 10 hours away from every one of those people. Yep.
My mom showed up the week before Christmas to help me after I had my DVT (best surprise ever!), and Dug and I were able to get away to do some Christmas shopping, but I was still in bad enough condition to need a wheelchair, so it wasn't exactly quality time away.
I guess the point to this excessive rambling is this: If you find a way to be ok with it, let me know!
I've been in primary for a year, and at first I picked a 14 year old YW to babysit Jackson. She was my next door neighbor, and her mom runs a small day-care in her home. I knew that if anything went wrong, she'd have the resources to deal with it.
Then, I found this Beehive who ADORED my son. She, too, only lives one block away, and Jackson LOVES her. They play the entire time, and I know her parents and siblings well.
I always find someone that I know that I have a good relationship with their parents (we don't have to be best friends), and I always leave my cell phone number. Try going to a movie or out to eat nearby first to get used to going out. When you get home, ask the sitter how it went, and then later ask her parents how it went. I always get more from the parents, and it usually helps me feel better about getting her again.
glad to hear that I'm not the only one. I worry a little, no matter who I leave them with. Usually it is family that I leave them with, otherwise it is other adults in the ward. I have nieces who are teenagers, who's mom is close by and sometimes drops by to check on them all, and at least calls her daughters to hear how it is going, they all know to call their mom if they have any questions. so I guess I am lucky compaired to the rest of you guys, but it still feels like my kids go places with me much more than other moms.
I agree with LeMira. Don't start off going right to the temple. Do dinner for an hour with the phone on. Come home. Ask your child how it went (Peter can certainly report, which is a HUGE plus), ask the babysitter, and yeah, ask the mom. Babysteps. You'd be amazed at how it feels to be a couple -- my only problem is remembering to get a babysitter before it gets too late in the week. All the best ones in the ward are gone.
We live right by the temple, you can always bring your boys to my house! :) Despite the fact they have no idea who I am! I have a few mommy friends that I get together with regularly, and we trade babysitting quite a bit. I totally trust them. Our hometeacher also offered to watch our girls so we can go to the temple...maybe you can ask your visiting teachers?
I can relate to the mom paranoia, but sometimes I think it's good for us to let our kids be around other people. That said, it's hard! Good luck! :)
People with family nearby are really lucky. Maybe it's different because we're military and because most everyone is in the same boat, but sometimes you just have to go out on a limb and trust people. I mean, we've never used a teenage babysitter, but I also don't know any teenagers. I know with Ian and I being dual military, we were forced to find a provider for Clara. It was not easy, especially being a brand new mom with a baby just 6 weeks old and having to drop her off for the whole day. Without another choice though (I had to go back to work and so did Ian) I just had to suck it up and deal. We prayed about the person and went with our gut feelings too. She was pretty good in the end, and Clara liked her. For this calendar year, we do have family here, which is amazing, but after Ian gets back in November, it's back to finding childcare again. If we just want to go out or something, we have several younger than us but still in the service friends who love to come over and play with Clara and watch her, and we trust them.
I guess I don't have any real solid advice. Maybe you can glean something from the rambling. :p It's a really neat thing to be just a couple for a short time though, so I hope you can figure something out that works for you.
I was YW president for awhile when we first moved to Ohio so I got a good sense of which YW were responsible enough to handle my children. (You could ask your current YW president her opinion) I have had a 13-yr-old come on various occasions and because my kids go to bed fairly early, have successfully had them asleep before we needed to be anywhere. So she just did homework the whole time. But I left our cell phone numbers, i am very close with her parents and I know that she would know what to do if an emergency came up.
I totally understand your paranoia but trust me, once you take that leap and everything goes well the first time, it gets easier and you find that your children can have a fun time with other people too. I remember begging my parents to leave so we could have a babysitter come over because we always got their undivided attention.
One thing to keep in mind: the babysitter is there for the children, thus will be focused on them. What kid doesn't love that?
So, ask around for a good, reputable YW and start with a short outing. In no time you'll be going to the temple AND getting ice cream afterwards!
i pretty much just leave with family (my mom, mostly). But last summer I needed some child-care help and our bishop's daughter was home for the summer from college, so we gave her a try. The first few times she came over I just stayed at home....she played with the kids while I did office work, or took a nap....anyway, after watching her with the kids several times I was OK leaving them with her....she now sits for me regularly and is great. But for me you have to build up trust....
I still wont let anyone drive anywhere with my kids. I hardly let Dustin drive with the kids. j/k. kinda.
We're using our first babysitter, (with the boys awake) since November, this Satuday. I'm pretty nervous. . . she's the younger sister of a friend and neighbor of mine. . .still scared though.
I hire a babysitter at least once a week, usually so Erik and I can go on a date. I've worked with the YW for the past three years, so I know them pretty well. I have two that I like the best, I trade off with them, and I know their parents well. Really, don't be afraid to hire a babysitter. It is fantastic.
I also have a little "Babysitting Co-op" that I created with my friends, there are probably 7 of us. We trade points for babysitting. This works out very well and allows me to save money.
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