Paparazzi

Sometimes during a Costco trip you need to distract your children while you covertly purchase a birthday present for one of them. So you give them your phone and tell them those three little words they've been hoping to hear: take some pictures. You succeed in your aim and now have a few gifts to tuck away until the big day. You also end up with pictures like these.

Are you surprised I took the kids shopping again after the Walmart debacle yesterday? Me too. We were out of milk though, and Costco tends to have a special magic that Walmart doesn't. Can the children sense that the employees are more content and the quality of the products higher? No, it's probably the samples. Either way, we made it out with no tears from any of us. Huzzah!

The Balancing Act

I've been thinking a lot recently about some of the conflicting messages that moms get. Here are a few:

• We should embrace the magic of childhood and let kids be kids, but we also need to teach them how to work hard. 
• We should play with our kids because they're small for such a short time, and not worry about the state of our house. But we need to have a warm, safe, and inviting home, which is difficult when we're letting it go so we can play. 
• We need to put away the outside distractions and focus on our kids, but also take time to recharge and let them know that we're people and have lives outside of being moms.

Perhaps I haven't figured out the right balance between these things. Or maybe it's more about different seasons of life, a time to play and a time to work?

We've noticed a disturbing trend in our house. When we do something fun or special for the kids, instead of being thankful or enjoying it, they complain and demand more. And if we ask them to put something away or be helpful, they protest that we're mean and requiring too much. I know that other kids complain, but it's getting to the point that we have a hard time planning special activities because we know they'll be met with nothing but criticism and complaints.

I ask the kids to clean alongside me so they can learn to work and then I don't have to ignore them while I scrub away. Win-win, right? Except they think I should do all the cleaning while they play. And they didn't make the mess (even when they did), so why should they clean it up? Perhaps I'm the only one, but when the house devolves into chaos, I can't think clearly and it seems that the children can't either. We don't have love at home when we're crunching on spilled cereal and wearing dirty clothes.

I play with my kids a lot. I've also been trying to teach them to entertain themselves. I don't think I should constantly give them things to do. I want them to be self-directed, which is why I give them unstructured playtime. But I still want to be present. I've been trying to read while they play, thus staying in the same room, available to answer questions, but also not a barrier to whatever creative play might be brewing. 

My goal in this is two-fold. I'm trying to teach them to use their brains and I'm trying to show them that I don't have to give them 100% of my attention 100% of the time. Sometimes I feel good about this. And sometimes I feel guilty. As the mom shouldn't I want to always play with them? Shouldn't I want to provide countless activities for their enjoyment? Shouldn't I want to spend every waking hour preparing enriching and stimulating fun for their growth and development?

The truth is, I'm tired. Maybe that's why I feel so conflicted over these topics. In a perfect world I would have an endless supply of energy and patience. Or, better yet, my children wouldn't require an endless supply of energy and patience. But they do. A trip to Walmart today left me near tears. I even had one of those giant three-child carts, so running off wasn't the issue this time. No, there were several other behaviors that left me feeling broken and helpless and wishing for the school year to begin.

So how do I teach them to value and enjoy work while encouraging them to be children? How do I let go of the chores while still having a house where the Holy Ghost and sanity want to dwell? How do I give my attention to my children while still retaining a bit of myself so I can continue to have a well from which to draw to care for them?

Am I the only one feeling torn? How do you manage the balance?

The Spruce Goose

One of the perks of moving is the massive influx of paper. The kids have had a grand time drawing giant pictures. Peter took the packing material that was around one of our paintings and made a humongous paper airplane. Sadly, it couldn't fly, but it sure looked cool.

The Gateway

I saw this today and was highly amused.

Trial Run

Today the kids and I practiced walking to school. That's right, we haven't started school yet. We've still got a week to go. In a way it's great, they have more time to get used to the new area, I have more time to gather needed supplies and spend time with them.

On the other hand, they're hungry to make friends. And I may be going a little crazy trying to keep everyone getting along with everyone else. I've been reminded recently how much I need a little quiet time everyday to maintain my sanity. Remember how we used to be so good at quiet time? We still have it, we're just not very good at it anymore.

Peter mostly stays in his room (or the playroom) until I say quiet time is over; he's always been my most successful quiet time participant. Cooper comes out every twenty minutes or so and asks if it's over yet. That's not terribly conducive to me getting a nap, but it's not awful. Phoebe has decided she's afraid of her room and can only have quiet time if she's in the same room with someone else. This means that she comes out every few minutes unless I'm camped outside her door (and then she yells out to me over and over asking if I'm still there) or she has a big person in there snuggling her and trying to help her nap.

That was a long way to say, this week we're practicing for when school starts, trying to add more structure into our routine, and learning the walk to and from school. It's not quite a mile one way, which means we walked almost two miles today. I'm sore and a little nervous that I might not be able to move much tomorrow. But I figure it's better to be sore this week and build up my stamina for next week. And who knows, maybe I'll wear the kids out so much I might just get quiet time again!

Back To the Grindstone

Were you impressed that I had three posts that were published during the morning hours this week? I prepped them all on Monday night and scheduled them. Why?

Bryan had his first week of work at his new job. And it took place in New Jersey. So after a whole summer of having Bryan at home, we ripped the band-aid off and sent him to the other side of the country for a week.

I'm kind of tired.

We did plenty of fun stuff while he was gone, like exploring the city (we discovered the boundary between the safe and not-so-safe areas, oops), finding a few cool parks, going on some easy hikes, having new friends over to play, producing art, putting on shows, holding a few pretend-surprise parties, and (as I wrote about on Tuesday) baking. Oh, and that means that for the second year-in-a-row Bryan and I were in different parts of the country for our wedding anniversary.

He got back today and is worn out, but really happy with his new company. Next week he'll start his responsibilities locally.

We're very glad he's back.

Drip Drop

The kids are really loving having a backyard. Often they're out the door as soon as breakfast is over. On Monday I walked out to see what they were doing and was caught off guard by how cold it was, but they were unaware of the chill as they bounced around the yard.

That same morning, Peter was thrilled to discover that the grass was still covered in dew. He carefully carried in a strand to show to everyone. I got this picture just before the dew dropped off.

Sweet Dreams

This picture was neither staged nor posed. That's just how she sleeps sometimes.

Toss It In the Oven

The kids celebrated our anniversary by baking.

Peter made soy nut butter cookies.

Cooper and Phoebe rolled out (kind of) pie crust and had chocolate pudding pies.

It was sweet that they were excited about the anniversary.

Phoebe likes to ask if she was there when Bryan and I got married. I tell her that I'm sure she was there in spirit. Then she says, yes, she and the boys were there, but Cooper ran around the Temple and she had to tell him to stop running and be quiet. Knowing her, she probably did.

An Even Dozen

Yesterday was our twelfth wedding anniversary!

When we got married Bryan said that he wanted our honeymoon to last for twelve years. That way if someone asked if we were newlyweds, he could say yes for a really long time.

On Saturday I reminded him of his declaration. "You know what that means, right?" I asked.

"What?"

"That means that tomorrow the honeymoon is over."

He said maybe we should extend it. Or, better yet, second honeymoon!

Happy anniversary Bryan!

Hand In Hand

The Creature From the Black Lagoon

Just in case you ever move into a house that has a jetted tub, make sure you run the jets before you get in. That way, if scores of black specks come spewing out you won't be sitting in the middle of it.

It was gross.

Until last night I didn't understand the beauty of having a shower that is separate from your bathtub. Now I get it. And boy, was I thankful for it.

Bryan spent a chunk of time today trying to flush out the jets. I'm not sure that we'll be able to get them completely clean. It kind of looks like they've never been cleaned out before.

Here's to showers!

Do We Live In a Bakery?

We've gotten so far in our unpacking that I actually put a few pictures on the walls today. Our room is still a disaster, but it's low on the priority list.

Another sign that we're settling in? I made a batch of bread and a pot of beans. My house smelled oh-so-good today. I'll need to play with both recipes a touch because of the difference in altitude and humidity here, but they were certainly better than microwaved chicken nuggets and fast food.

The title of today's post was courtesy of Cooper and Phoebe who both sampled the bread shortly after it was pulled from the oven. As they sat and ate the still-hot slices of deliciousness, they asked if we lived in a bakery. Then we talked about the hours that bakers keep (which are the opposite of my own) and how fun it would be to have such a variety of bread to choose from.

Someone to Watch Over Me

I was emptying the dishwasher yesterday (because we have a dishwasher now!), when Phoebe used a sharp voice and told me to stand up.

I looked at her and asked why.

"Because," she said, "you'll hurt the baby if you bend over."

I assured her that the baby would be fine with me bending over. It's nice to know she's concerned about her younger sibling, even if she is a little bossy in her approach.

Details

Thanks for the congratulatory messages. We're all excited, perhaps Phoebe most of all. She tells anyone who will listen that she's going to be a big sister. And she's started marking time by two events: her birthday and when she becomes a big sister.

A few of you asked about how I'm feeling and the due date. Well, I held onto this information for quite some time before sharing. As in, I'm about halfway through the pregnancy. Since we're keeping up the tradition of us moving while I'm pregnant (seriously), I've been very thankful that this move has taken place during the energy-rich second trimester. Or at least, as rich as one's energy can be while growing a human.

Sometime after Christmas baby number four is expected to debut. All of my kids have been late, so due dates are really more of a nice idea than something I pin my hopes to. Also, we don't know if (as Phoebe says) this is a blue baby or a pink baby, but we'll find out. Moving to a different state and switching insurances in addition to switching doctors has delayed that whole process.

The first trimester? It hit me hard. I've never been as tired as I was this time. I was lucky that Bryan was home this summer because I could do little more than get cereal on the table for the kids, then crawl over to the couch and lie there. And I really hated food. A lot. No particular food aversions (except maybe hamburger, shudder), all food simply sounded disgusting. At least, it did until I made myself eat something. Then most things were amazing and delicious (except, again, hamburger).

If you look back at pictures I've posted during the past few months, you'll discover that I'm usually holding Phoebe, thus hiding my midsection. Disneyland pictures? I wasn't technically showing, but I had already started to get kind of soft around the middle. Also, I was really sick, so now when I think of Disneyland I get just a little nauseated. And I couldn't go on several of the rides, which bothered the boys because they wanted to share those fun experiences with me and they didn't understand why I was the one that always stayed with Phoebe while Bryan got to go on the exciting attractions. When we told them our news about two months later Peter said, "Oh that's why you couldn't go on rides! Why didn't you just tell us?!"

Upgrades

As the movers carried in our stuff on Monday, Bryan and I each had a checklist to note that everything had arrived. The men who packed on the Provo side had to mark any damage so that we couldn't claim they had hurt our belongings when really they had been that way to begin with. I noticed something as I marked items off my list.

Most of our stuff is junky. And old. And worn out. Not all of it, but a lot of it.

Since moving is expensive, many of those things will need to make do for some time before we can replace or repair them. But we have upgraded on a few things.

Instead of a chest of drawers, for the last year the boys have been using industrial shelving with laundry baskets. They had a penchant for climbing on, then subsequently jumping off said shelves. We went and got a real chest of drawers.

Phoebe doesn't have a chest of drawers either, but rather a cube with four open shelves, also cube shaped. (Cubed but missing two sides because it's open in the back and front?) You can buy drawers for it, but we had only gotten one. In the other three slots we were using empty diaper and wipes boxes. While unpacking we couldn't find those boxes and, thinking that the movers had thrown them out, we went and bought three real drawers for the unit. They're lavender and Phoebe loves them. Oh, and I found the other boxes today. Oh well.

We've had one other upgrade, this one major. Our car had been on its way out for some time, so a few days before we left Utah we replaced it.

It's fancy. Well really, it's the base model, but it's fancy for us.

And look, we'll even have room for all four of our children.

A Work In Progress

The kitchen is mostly unpacked, as is Phoebe's room. The boys' room is kind of unpacked, but not organized. I just started on my room today. It's usually the last to get done. And the living room is almost all in boxes still, which is probably what prompted Cooper to say during dinner, "So, are you guys going to start unpacking boxes soon?"

I bit my tongue and said that we were working on it.

Reasons for the Cop-Out Posts

For more than a week now I've been blogging from my phone. That's how long we've been without real internet. Bryan has been tethering to his phone for his web-needs, but I've been relying on my phone.

Have you ever typed out a blog post on a phone? It's a slow process. That's in part why my recent entries have been... concise.

The other reason is that I'm just plain worn out. This whole unpacking thing takes time and energy. And that's time and energy that I might at one time have spent blogging.

An upside to being so tired its that I've been going to sleep much, much earlier. I noticed I looked a lot better than I have recently and I thought maybe the humidity was agreeing with me. Then I remembered that I've been in bed by 10:30 or 11:00 each night. Folks, that's a good two hours earlier than I had been going to sleep.

Funny how going to sleep will make you look refreshed. It'll cut down on your internet/blogging time, but you'll look and feel much better.

For Keeps

Last night while I was getting Phoebe ready for bed she grinned at me and the following exchange took place.

Phoebe: You're my mom.

Me: Yes I am.

Phoebe: I'm going to keep you forever!

Labyrinth of Boxes

The movers arrived with our stuff today. Looking at the mass of boxes and remembering the emptiness that we had just this morning, I think I'd rather have no stuff and space.

And that is all.

Generations

After we moved out of our little apartment we went and stayed with Bryan's grandparents for a day. Their backyard is magical. There are secret paths to run down and little statues all over the place. There's even a tree to climb.

They were an hour from where we lived, but now that seems like a short distance. We'll miss being so close to them.

Oh, and we made it to our new house today, in case you were curious.

More Bounce

Today, in addition to getting on the road, we took care of a few errands. The kids were all in desperate need of haircuts and our local shop specializing in haircuts for kids doesn't have any locations in the Northwest. So we made appointments.

The boys now look very tidy. Phoebe's hair was tricky. It grows faster in the back than the front, leading to a natural mullet. And it's a little wavy. And very fine. The cut is a little more  drastic than I had anticipated, but also adorable. And her hair looks much thicker!