For the First Time in Forever

This is the last weekend of summer break. After the fullest, craziest summer we've had in years you'd think I was ready to have all the kids go back to school in person. 

After all, this will be the first time in four years that all our school kids have been in person. 

It's the first year all five of them will be in school. 

It's the first time in almost eighteen years that I won't have any kids at home with me during the day.

I should be overjoyed, right? Except, I'm not. I'm happy that most of them are excited. I'm looking forward to having a few hours to accomplish some tasks on my own. I'm hopeful that a break each day will help me to be a calmer, less stressed version of myself. I'm genuinely looking forward to possibly taking naps. These are all good things.

I'm also anxious. Will Peter prioritize schoolwork over socialization and friends, especially as he applies to colleges? Will Cooper speak up and connect with other kids and make friends? Will Phoebe embrace her awesomeness and let her natural talents shine? Will Sophie find enough positive friendship and energy from her classmates? Will Topher follow directions and stay safe while he's at school? That's one concern for each child, but I have so many more swirling through my brain. Will I use my own time during the day wisely?

Topher and I went to the kindergarten open house last night. He'll have the same teacher that Sophie had in kindergarten. She's amazing! She has the same level of energy that all those five and six year-olds have. Sophie told me once that she's like a real life cartoon character and I agree in the best way possible. Topher is a lucky kid to have her as a teacher.

As we were doing bedtime a few days a ago Topher told me, "See, the thing is, I'm nervous for kindergarten." I thought that seeing his classroom and meeting his teacher would calm his concerns. As we left the school last night I asked if he was feeling any better about school. 

Topher: No

Me: You're still nervous?

Topher: Yes.

Me: Are you nervous excited? Or nervous scared?

Topher: I'm nervous scared.

Me: Oh buddy, why?

Topher: Because I'm scared to do kindergarten without you there.

Yeah, me too.