Homebodies

The stay at home order in our area has moved from red to yellow. Many people think that means that the possibility of catching the virus is gone. What it actually means is that we've flattened the curve enough that the hospitals won't be overwhelmed by the new cases that pop up. Our family has decided to continue on as if we were still in quarantine.

That might seem bonkers. Why, after being stuck at home for twelve weeks, would we keep doing that now that we have the option of going out?

We have a few reasons. I have asthma. It's not super horrible asthma, but it's enough that several times each day I have to stop what I'm doing and focus on taking a deep breath, and then it might take multiple attempts to get that sought after deep breath, and then I might need to grab my inhaler for some extra help. Having asthma puts me in the "underlying condition" category. And that feels weird, since I don't think of myself as ill. And I'm really not ill, I just don't always breathe very well.

Another reason is Topher. Remember his hospital stay more than a year ago? The doctors told us that because of the RSV and pneumonia he would be extra susceptible to respiratory illnesses in the future. That has proven to be true. I realize that COVID-19 doesn't appear to impact kids in the same way as adults, but they can still get sick.

We've already had some awkwardness of being invited to activities by people at church and doing our best to politely decline. I have a feeling that's only going to get worse as more and more things open up.

It's cool, I've got a lifetime of being the weird kid and not following the crowd to help me out here.

Love Your Neighbor

My heart has been heavy for the last two weeks as I've taken a hard look at the racial inequality in my country. Seeing so many people, so many children of God, treated like they're not even human because of the color of their skin is horrendous. Bryan and I have stayed up much too late several nights talking about the protests and the riots and the underlying causes. And I've asked myself over and over, "What can I do? How can I help?"

Tonight as a family we watched Remember the Titans. I got the idea from a friend who did the same with her boys. We paused the film several times to explain and discuss the racism that was portrayed. We connected that back to what's happening now and how we can make better choices than some of the characters in the movie did.

We have always taught our children to be inclusive and kind, but being direct and talking about these hard things tonight was important. It was a good beginning.

Name Them One By One

This week has been hard. 

Tempers are running short, patience is running thin, stubborn refusal to do chores and schoolwork has been abundant. Cooper was up until 11 one night and 10 the next finishing the schoolwork that's only supposed to take two hours. Peter discovered today that he's not been checking the right places online for his assignments and he's missed several. Sophie switches between loving what we're doing for school and telling me how awful and stupid the work is. Phoebe is pretty self-sufficient, but is really missing her friends.

I'm feeling four weeks of no rest or break. Four weeks of only leaving the house a handful of times. Four weeks of getting almost no exercise and very little sleep. Four weeks of being "on" all the time for my job. Four weeks of incredible stress and worry. Four weeks of kids fighting with each other and with me while I work so hard to be the peacemaker. I feel it as a crushing heaviness in my chest. I feel it as a tightening of my breathing, my asthma on alert.

Yesterday the word came down from the Governor that our kids won't be going back to school during this academic school year. We weren't surprised, but we were sad. This means no volleyball team or engineering team competition to Alabama for Peter. My kids all had really exceptional teachers this year and I'm sad they won't be able to benefit from being in their classrooms anymore.

So, as is my habit, I've been working hard to find the positives: 

• I am thankful that we're all home.
• I'm thankful that we have food to eat.
• I'm thankful that Bryan can work from home.
• I'm thankful that Bryan has a job.
• I would prefer setting my kids' curriculum myself, but I'm thankful that I have the ability to teach what the teachers have set. 
• I'm thankful that we have enough electronic devices for everyone to do school at the same time.
• I'm thankful that we have enough bandwidth for everyone to be online at the same time.
• I'm thankful that we established chore charts and daily expectations several years ago so the house keeps running.
• I'm thankful that today starts our four-day weekend Spring Break. 
• I'm thankful that I've got fourteen years of experience as a stay-at-home parent so this isn't completely new territory for me. 
• I'm thankful we are all still healthy. 
• I'm thankful that we can sleep in instead of rushing to the bus every morning.
• I'm thankful for Bryan's mom for giving me a sewing machine when I graduated from BYU in 2004, even though I had absolutely no idea how to use it at the time.
• I'm thankful that I've learned to sew so I can make face masks for my family.
• I'm thankful for video calls to helps us feel connected to family and friends.
• I'm thankful that we have a vast home library.
• I'm thankful that we're in this house at this time and have more room than in any previous house.
• I'm thankful that Bryan and I both are good cooks.
• I'm thankful that we have more time to study scriptures as a family.

I'm thankful for the messages that came from Conference last weekend. The talks that spoke to my soul were from Bonnie H. Cordon, Quentin L. Cook, Dale G. Renlund, Neil L. Andersen, and especially Jeffery R. Holland. His talks always go right to my heart. The most profound quote for me came near the end: 

We pray for those who have lost loved ones in this modern plague, as well as for those currently infected or at risk. We certainly pray for those who are giving such magnificent healthcare. When we have conquered it—and we will—may we be equally committed to freeing the world from the virus of hunger and freeing neighborhoods and nations from the virus of poverty. May we hope for schools where students are taught—not terrified they will be shot—and for the gift of personal dignity for every child of God, unmarred by any form of racial, ethnic, or religious prejudice.Undergirding all of this is our relentless hope for greater devotion to the two greatest of all commandments: to love God by keeping His counsel and to love our neighbors by showing kindness and compassion, patience and forgiveness. These two divine directives are still—and forever will be—the only real hope we have for giving our children a better world than the one they now know.

On Saturday night President Russell M. Nelson asked us to hold a worldwide fast today, Good Friday. He asked that we fast "that the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized." We are adding our faith to that fast. 

This week has been hard. But I have hope for better times ahead.

Make the Time

Bryan and I made time yesterday to vote. I wasn't sure it was going to happen since Tuesdays are our busiest day, and yesterday was worse because it was my turn to teach preschool. But things fell into place so that I was able to leave the four older kids at home with Peter as babysitter while Topher and I went to vote.

Apparently I arrived at the perfect time: I only waited for a few minutes. By the time I got there at 4pm, the slips of paper for our names and the "I Voted" stickers had all been used. When I signed my name I think the woman said I was number six hundred and four. An hour and a half later, Bryan was in the eight hundreds.

I'm thankful to live in a place where we can vote. I'm thankful that I made time to vote. And I'm thankful that so many others made time as well.

Learning About the World

Over the weekend I've thought a lot about our trip to Paris in early 2012. It's a place that I would love to visit again. Phoebe loves everything she knows about Paris and often talks about going there someday.

On Saturday I told the kids about the terrorist attacks on Paris. I didn't provide many details, but I did tell them that many people in Paris died because of what happened. The kids asked why someone would do that. That's a question that I've asked myself. Why? Why bring death and sadness and pain? And why do it in the name of religion? I told them that there are people in the world that want to hurt others because of what they believe. And I said that we need to make sure we don't do that. 

I know that Heavenly Father loves his children and doesn't want them to hurt each other, especially not in his name. Peter's best friend in school this year is a boy from Syria, so this subject was already on my mind. Peter asked him why they left their country and his friend told him that evil men were in charge and it wasn't safe to stay.

My children's education of world events is scary, but important. I want them to understand that not everyone thinks the way they do. I want them to be brave in spite of that.