Serve Those Around You

The service activity on Saturday was a success! This is a combination of pictures from me and Phoebe. She was much more thorough in her recording of the event than I was.

Here's the food area:

And the service area, we added another service table after this was taken:

These were the dining tables, each associated with a different holiday or pair of holidays.

Here we have Memorial/Veteran's Day:

Day of the Dead, from a few angles:

Spring Equinox:

Thanksgiving:

Valentine's Day:

Christmas:

Breast Cancer Awareness Month:

These are the wall decorations, I'm sure you can tell which holiday each one goes with:

And the service projects themselves, starting with our wall of options:

The girls added some chalk art:

And here's the activity in full swing, plus a few finished ornaments to send to families who don't have any, the first done by Phoebe, the second by one of Topher's friends:

It was well attended and a lot of service was accomplished!

Creative Distractions

On Sunday I was the first adult to primary, but not the first person. The room already held several children. We have a two-deep leadership policy, which for me means, in part, not being the only adult in the room. While I waited for another grownup to come in, I leaned against the doorway and asked who wanted to draw a picture of a temple on the chalkboard. Several hands went up and I encouraged them to go for it.

This temple has a mustache instead of an Angel Moroni. I didn't realize this until one of the kids pointed it out during singing time. I thought it was a propeller.

Topher drew the temple on the right. He said he patterned it after the Washington D.C. temple.

The kids were all pleased with their art and none of them seemed to realize it was a diversionary tactic.

All the Holidays

I'm in charge of a ward service activity tomorrow. We're calling it A Year of Service in a Day and have seven different service options for people to help with, each connected to a different holiday. Cooper and Topher went to help me set up and decorate this afternoon and we ended up staying until nearly 10pm. We did detour to Walmart and Costco in the middle, but still, that's way too long. They were both really helpful and very good sports.

I hope people show up tomorrow.

For the Strength

Cooper and Phoebe had a fantastic experience at FSY last week! Sophie and I handled Monday drop-off (I drove, she socialized) for our kids and their friends and the other family made the drive to bring them home on Saturday. I took some pictures when we checked them in. As for the week itself, I didn't get many pictures, but the ones I got looked happy.

The hard part about FSY last week? Cooper and Phoebe said goodbye to Peter on Monday morning instead of Wednesday evening. There were big feelings.

Called, Again

Tonight something happened that Peter has been hoping for ever since he got his mission call in September.

He switched from a service mission to a teaching mission.

We got the word a few weeks ago that his request to transfer had been approved. We've spent the time since then trying to get him ready. Many errands were run today gathering all the needed items.

And then we drove him down to the mission home this evening and dropped him off.

There were tears, at least from those that were in the van as we drove away.

It was a mixture of happy and sad tears, but mostly joyful.

Say Yes

Our ward got to hear from another member of our family this week. It was my turn this time. The hardest part about writing this talk was in trying not to compare my talk to Bryan's amazing talk from last week. Here's my offering:

In Matthew chapter 22, one of the Pharisees came to Jesus with a question:

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Before moving to Pennsylvania, we lived in Illinois. Shortly after arriving in the Land of Lincoln, the Bishop asked to meet with me. He asked me to serve as the second counselor in the Relief Society presidency. This calling surprised me. We were new to the ward. I hadn’t served in a presidency since my days in Young Women. I had four active, busy kids and my youngest wasn’t even two. And Bryan had an hour and a half commute to and from Chicago each day, so he would rarely be home to take over parenting duties so I could fulfill this role. I felt overwhelmed at the thought. I said all of these things out loud to the Bishop as he sat in my living room. He told me he believed I could do it. Aware of all those concerns, I said yes.

In his April 2026 General Conference talk, Elder Patrick Kearon of the Quorum of the Twelve shared his own experience receiving a calling shortly after joining the church as a young adult. He said, “I was invited to meet with the bishop. He had taken time to get to know me when I was being taught by the missionaries. He rocked back in his chair, thwacking a ruler into his palm, and told me that we were meeting because he had a calling for me. He had prayed—about me—and he told me the calling would be of benefit to me and my future service to the Lord in His Church. He extended the calling of assistant ward clerk. The reaction in my mind was, “Assistant ward clerk? Well, that is not me!” Fortunately, a little grace intervened, and I responded with a “thank you” and that I would endeavour to learn what was involved. I did not have a clue.”

My own role in the Relief Society presidency was difficult. I hoped that I would be in charge of the teachers. Teaching is a calling that makes my heart sing; I felt like I could do a good job there. Instead I was put in charge of the monthly activities. This was definitely outside of my comfort zone. There was a sharp learning curve and there were assignments that I didn’t always fulfill to the level I wanted. I could have ended my time in this calling grumpy and bitter. What made the difference for me was the woman who served as the Relief Society president. Julie was a recent empty nester, a successful corporate lawyer, and a wonderfully nurturing and empowering leader. This was her second time serving in this capacity and she had already been serving for a few years. She trained me and encouraged me. She was supportive and flexible. And when I called her in tears over a major service activity with a community impact that had hit a significant roadblock, she gave comfort and gentle correction over a mistake I had made. She embodied the command to love God and her neighbor through the way she led.

Going back to his talk from April, Elder Kearon said, “I came to understand why everyone serves one another in a ward or branch: it affords us all the opportunity to pursue Christ and His virtues—such as charity, humility, meekness, forgiveness, and love—with people who may be very different to us. I clearly saw how faith is fortified and the body of Christ bonded together.”

We only lived in Illinois for a year. When we left, the whole presidency was released. Julie went from serving as the Relief Society president to being a nursery leader. And she was thrilled.

Elder Kearon said, “Some callings are highly stretching, while others may leave us wondering, “Isn’t there more I could be asked to do?” You might serve in a very visible role for a time, only later to be called to quiet, unseen service—or to support those with less experience. When callings change in ways that deeply impact you or your family, it can require great faith and trust in the Lord while you adjust.”

I’ve had many opportunities over the years to love God and my neighbors through serving in callings at church. Some of those have fed my soul. I loved teaching youth Sunday School, doing singing time in Primary, and directing the ward choir. Others have been really hard. I was never very good at calling women to get their Visiting Teaching reports, nor was I a standout secretary. Cub scouts tapped into my creativity which I enjoyed, but it also drained my energy. But I learned from each of those responsibilities, even the ones I didn’t particularly enjoy.

From Elder Kearon said, “Our service is a choice, an offering to God, and a blessing. We all know that prayer, study of scripture, and worship at church and in the temple are critical to the development of our faith. Have we also come to see our callings as having a foundational role in the expansion of our faith? Callings from the Lord are tailor-made for our growth, as we humble ourselves, look outward, and learn that, indeed, when we are in the service of our fellow beings, we are in fact in the service of our God. It really isn’t where we serve but how that matters to the Lord.”

So, if the how of service is more important than the where, how should we serve? Mother Thereas taught, “I never look at the masses as my responsibility. I look at the individual. I can love only one person at a time. I can feed only one person at a time. Just one, one, one.” I saw an example of this last Sunday. Our family was sitting in the Relief Society room after church, waiting for the baptism to start. I was tired, sitting in the back, kind of in my own head. While the prelude music was playing, my daughter Sophie turned to me and said, “We need to go help Sister Gerber.” I looked over and saw her sitting at the piano, playing the music I was listening to and trying to patiently wrangle her two boys at the same time. Sophie had noticed and felt inspired to act. I responded, “Oh, yes we do.” I followed her lead and we crossed the room and each entertained one of the boys so their mom could play the piano. Now, I’ve been talking about serving in callings in the church, this story might feel like a departure from that. But it’s not. It’s at the heart of every calling we have. Service in the church is about seeing the needs of those around us, and acting through inspiration. 

This is how the Savior operated. His life was dedicated to seeing needs and then meeting them. He turned water into wine when His mother asked him to. He healed the son of the man who plead “Help thou mine unbelief.” He comforted Mary and Martha and raised Lazarus from the tomb. He washed the feet of his disciples, knowing that His time in the Garden and on the cross was imminent. He served, even when He was tired, even when He was weary. Remember, He was the one that taught “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” And then He lived what He taught.

We’ve talked about how to serve when we’re called to, but what if we’re not the one called? Many Sundays we sit in these pews and listen while the name of someone in the congregation is called to a new role in the ward or stake. Then we’re invited to raise our arms, showing that we agree to support this person in their service. What does that mean? To support them in their service? And what if we don’t like the way they serve? What if we feel someone else could do a better job? 

In April 2013 President Jeffrey R. Holland taught: “Be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work. As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fulness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all. Those finite vessels include you and me, so be patient and kind and forgiving“ (“Lord, I Believe,” Liahona, May 2013, 94).

I chatted with my parents about this topic during our weekly call a few days ago. My dad shared that when he served in the Bishopric when I was a teenager he would often look out at the congregation from his seat on the stand and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for those members that were serving in callings. He was very aware that the ward wouldn’t function without all of those people who said yes when they were asked to serve and then showed up on a regular basis to fulfill their responsibilities. I feel the same way about everyone who serves in primary. Whenever someone says yes to serving in primary, my heart feels like it’s going to explode with joy.

            After the Savior’s atonement, crucifixion, and resurrection, Jesus appeared to his disciples. He gave them instructions while they were fishing, then they gathered with Him on the beach to eat. John chapter 21 tells us about the conversation that followed. Starting with verse 15:

15 ¶ So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

This year in primary we learned a song called Choose to Serve the Lord. Listen to the words of the chorus: “I will choose to serve the Lord like my scripture heroes of old. I will learn and grow in faith. God will be my strength with every step I take, I will choose to serve the Lord.” The scriptures that we study are full of people who said yes to doing hard things to serve God and their neighbors. Nephi said he would “go and do” when asked to get the brass plates. Abinadi and Samuel the Lamanite said yes to teaching groups of people that wanted to cause them great harm. Noah built an ark. Moses stood up to a Pharaoh. Esther spoke on behalf of her people and saved a nation. The Savior Himself said “Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” in Gethsemane, before the greatest act of love that we know of. 

This is a church built largely on the service of its members. Our wards and stakes could not function without the people that have been willing to say yes to organizing, teaching, supporting, and showing up. At the heart of every calling in the church is the admonition to love God and love our neighbors. Callings are love in action. Pope Francis said, “You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them.” We can feed them literally, and we can feed them figuratively through our love and attention and service. We have not been asked to build an ark or face a horde with bows and arrows. But we have been asked to love God and our neighbors. We can follow the example of the Savior and love and serve those around us.

What will you do this week to love God and your neighbor?

I bear my testimony that what I’ve said today is true. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

When You Know Better

Bryan celebrated Father's Day by writing (in the days leading up to the holiday) and delivering a talk in church. He was given the broad prompt of "Father's Day." After pouring hours into this endeavor, he came away with the best Father's Day talk I've heard. It's a good thing that I didn't wear mascara to church, because lots of good tears fell from my eyes while he spoke. The kids were equally impressed with their dad, which is as it should be.

Here is Bryan's talk:

Recently at work I was challenged to build a new team to manage special projects for the company. The candidates spanned the spectrum of experience from recently graduated to those with decades of experience. Part of my task is to ensure they learn and follow a well-established widely accepted project management framework that has remained largely unchanged for more than a century. 

Though this framework is fixed, how I ‘operationalize’ it varies greatly throughout my team. I find that my focus needs to shift constantly based on their individual needs. Complicating matters are ever changing business needs, industry standards, tools, models and techniques require that I adjust training for the team as a whole. There is always something to learn – even with a solid grasp of the fundamentals. Continuous improvement is a requirement to remain effective. 

There is a danger that project managers can stop improving. They get stuck using techniques that once worked early in their career but are not efficient in the current environment, or they may overdevelop skills in one area to compensate for a lack of skills in another. Others get stuck on theory – continually learning but never applying. Some outright reject anything new because “that’s not how I was taught - the fundamentals don’t change.” 

When I see this happening on my team, I remind them of a quote from Maya Angelou: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." 

So what does that have to do with Father’s Day? 

As I was preparing to speak, I started digging into General Conference archives looking for inspiration in talks about fathers and fatherhood. Do you have any idea how many there are? Since the year 2000 there have been at least twenty-six, and I stopped counting at 51 back to 1970. 

I couldn’t read them all, but I began skimming praying for the moment when the Spirit says “Stop” and you find the talk or quote that provides inspiration. But that moment didn’t come. Everything was important – it was overwhelming. Suffice it to day, I’m not going to cover everything. 

As I searched through decades of talks, I began to notice patterns in the teachings that seemed specific to each era in which the conference address was given. Now, this isn’t a huge revelation. We know that Heavenly Father teaches us according to our needs – much the same as I coach my team according to theirs. 

The insight for me came in the realization that we too can get stuck in the theory, or overdevelop one set of skills to compensate for weakness in another. We may even disregard newer teachings because “that’s not how I was taught – doctrine doesn’t change.”  

If we see this happening in ourselves, we should remember, "When you know better, do better." 

There are three steps to avoid getting stuck. 1) Understand that Doctrine does not change; 2) Living prophets speak to people according to their needs; and 3) continue to learn even after we understand fundamental doctrine. 

First, the doctrine of the church, the Plan of Salvation is unchanging. We have faith. We repent. We are baptized by immersion. We receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost. We endure to the end. Families are central to the Plan of Salvation and Celestial Marriage is required for Exaltation. The role of Father is modeled after our Father in Heaven. 

Second, Living prophets speak for Heavenly Father. This is how He ‘operationalizes’ His doctrine. Prophets provide instructions for how to apply it, frequently offering specific techniques, tools and models based on the current needs of the Saints. 

Third, once we understand the fundamentals, we must continue to learn and grow. Current teachings do not invalidate those of the past. We need to understand that new teachings add to the toolkit we have as disciples of Christ and show where we need to focus to be more effective in our era. 

I can summarize this with the Ninth Article of Faith, which describes the fundamental truth behind these steps:  

"We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God." 

I can only imagine the excitement and bewilderment of the early Saints, witnessing so many restored and revealed truths, knowing that there was much more to come. The same is true for our day. Let’s briefly review what Heavenly Father taught us about Fatherhood through living prophets over the last 196 years. 

The Restoration focused on the need of the early Church to understand the Divinity and Eternal Nature of Fatherhood and establish fundamental truths, that we have a Father in Heaven and we are His children. Joseph Smith taught that fatherhood was tied to the sealing power, that husbands and wives must act as equal partners, and that Fathers should bless their children.  

The Pioneer Era found the families of the saints in near-constant, side-by-side physical presence. Life was defined by familiar cooperation with Fathers spending their day working right alongside their children. Paternal governance was authoritative, but President Brigham Young corrected the harsher cultural parenting styles of the 19th century, counseling fathers that they should "never chasten a soul beyond the balm they possessed within themselves to bind up the wound." 

 

First half of the 20th Century saw rapid urbanization which accelerated the disruption that started with the Industrial Revolution. Fathers began to leave home for most of the day for urban offices or factories as societal pressures emphasized the drive to put in the hours at work to become successful. To prevent families from fracturing, President Joseph F. Smith championed a movement of home reformation, charging fathers to teach their children "by your own precept and example, by your own fireside." Decades later, President David O. McKay popularized the immortal standard: "No other success in life can compensate for failure in the home." 

 

The 1970s saw a prophetic focus for fathers that asserted structure and protective hierarchy amidst massive Church membership growth, and a world undergoing intense social upheaval. During the October 1973 General Conference, Elder A. Theodore Tuttle delivered a direct address defining the father’s role in terms of familial government: 

"In reality, each family is a dominion within itself. Father heads that government... The father is the patriarch of an eternal family unit… The father is the protector of the home." 

In 1975 President N. Eldon Tanner framed the father as a "moral sentinel," holding a direct, private line of revelation to protect the moral standards of his home. This imagery of dominion, government, protector and sentinel stood against social upheaval, firmly establishing a patriarchal order in the home. 

October 1978, the historic revelation extending the priesthood to all worthy male members fundamentally democratized this patriarchal order, fully empowering all worthy men to step up as the spiritual patriarchs of their homes. 

 

The teachings of the 1980s were highly tactical and prescriptive to help fathers navigate an ever more ambiguous world where the lines between right and wrong were blurring as some moved toward moral relativism and others embraced media permissiveness. Fathers received practical instructions checklists clearly defining what to do and not to do, like President Ezra Taft Benson’s 1987 address, "To the Fathers in Israel" where he said: 

"… (A) father's calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity" followed by a literal ten-point checklist, explicitly telling fathers to give priesthood blessings, lead daily family scripture reading, hold weekly Family Home Evenings, and take their children on individual dates and outings.  

Prophetic council of the ‘90s sought to remind Fathers not overcompensate with structure, governance and hierarchy taught in previous decades and encourage them to use other principles that were in danger of atrophy from disuse - the need for families to spend time together, and for Fathers to step beyond protector and sentinel, and take an active, loving role in raising their children 

In 1994 President Howard W. Hunter fiercely denounced any lingering, old-fashioned ideas of male dominance, declaring that a righteous father views his wife as a full, equal partner in family governance:  

"Effective family leadership, brethren, requires both quantity and quality time... A righteous father protects his children with his time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities. Tender expressions of love and affection toward children are as much the responsibility of the father as the mother. Tell your children you love them". 

Perhaps you remember the Church’s media campaign “Family. Isn’t it about… time.” 

More significant was the presentation of “The Family: A Proclamation to the World" by President Gordon B. Hinkley in September 1995, which again emphasized that "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."  

As the Church entered the 21st Century, General Conference addresses increasingly framed the relationship between husbands and wives, and the role of Fathers, in terms of co-equal partnership. 

In April 2004, Elder L. Tom Perry clarified the doctrine of presiding, framing it strictly as an equal partnership: 

"There is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family" 

The discourse of the 2010s focused on the unique, irreplaceable, and non-interchangeable contribution of fathers to their families amid cultural trends that increasingly characterized fathers as either superfluous, redundant, or comical.  

Thomas B. Holman pointed out that a father's "psychological or emotional absence can be just as hurtful… as physical absence" urging fathers to show nonverbal affection through eye contact, smiles, hugs, and setting aside dedicated one-on-one time. 

In April 2013, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf compared a father's love to how a parent treats a toddler learning to walk:  

"What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents". 

Sister Elaine S. Dalton delivered powerful counsel in In October 2011 on how fathers shape their daughters' expectations of manhood and protect their virtue: 

"How do you raise a girl? Love her mother… Watch over [your daughters], strengthen them, model virtuous behavior, and teach them to follow in the Savior's every footstep". 

In April 2016, Elder D. Todd Christofferson delivered a seminal address simply titled Fathers, defending the specific necessity of the male parental role: 

"As a Church, we believe in fathers…. Some see the good of fatherhood in social terms... We know that fatherhood is much more than a social construct... Fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve. Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but it is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy". 

Elder D. Todd Christofferson also highlighted the specific spiritual impact of a father who engages in scripture study with his household: 

"A father who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord". 

As we look across history we see continual evidence and teachings of the fundamental doctrine that Fatherhood is divine. It does not change from era to era. We can also see that the principles taught about how to be a father shifted between loving partnerships, authority and protection, structure and checklists, quality time, vulnerability and emotional availability – all according to the needs of the era. 

What is the application of this brief survey for us? We must evaluate whether we are too comfortable with a certain set of tools. Are we being less effective by overusing certain methods and techniques? If we as fathers resort to the rigid, unilateral hierarchy of the past because we are uncomfortable with the emotional vulnerability and equal partnership that is emphasized today, we are missing the teachings of a living prophet telling us what is needed in our day. 

My invitation to you today is to look at your own stewardship: What does my family need from me right now? I’d suggest that you can find the answer by listening to our living prophets. And when you know better, do better. 

Fatherhood is an eternal doctrine, but how to be a father is a living, breathing thing. I leave you my testimony that we have a loving, perfectly attentive Heavenly Father. He does not leave us to guess how to navigate the changing winds of the world. He speaks through living prophets to hand us the exact tools we need for our day so that we can successfully guide our most important project - our families - safely back home. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.