I Will Walk With Jesus

Yesterday was our congregation's annual primary program! The kids spent all year learning songs to share with the ward, plus each child wrote their own speaking part based on a prompt I gave them. They all did a great job! A lot of work goes into making this Sunday happen and I'm so glad the kids were happy with it.

Here are the songs the kids sang for the program:

I Will Walk with Jesus
Kindness Begins with Me/I Will Follow God’s Plan
Holy Places
He Cares for Me
Close as a Quiet Prayer
I Have Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ
Gethsemane
Because
This Little Light of Mine
Choose to Serve the Lord

Topher was the first speaker. I'll share the prompt he was given and what he wrote (and then delivered from the pulpit) in response.

Prompt: This year in primary we sang the song I Will Follow God’s Plan. Who is your favorite old testament hero who followed God’s plan? Why? In under one minute, tell us about a time you followed God’s plan.

Topher: My favorite Old Testament hero is David. He killed Goliath when no one else even dared to do it. He was just a young shepherd boy and he had a lot of faith in the Lord. He followed God’s plan by trusting the Lord and having faith. One time I followed God’s plan was when I got baptized and confirmed. I’ll never forget that time, even when I’m an old man. And I also read the scriptures and I pray and I always follow God’s plan. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Sawubona

Topher gave his first real (as in, not during testimony meeting or the primary program) talk in sacrament meeting yesterday. He took notes during General Conference, which provided the outline for his remarks. On Saturday afternoon I typed while he dictated, then I asked follow-up questions and typed his responses. This talk is 95% him and 5% me.

And, even though he was very nervous, he did a great job delivering it.

Sawubona is a phrase from southern Africa that means “I see you.” I know this phrase from a talk in General Conference. The person who said it is the new General Primary President named Rosemary K. Chibota. She said, “This greeting is much more than a simple “hello.” It is an acknowledgement of another person’s worth and humanity. It communicates “I recognize you, I respect you. You matter.”” Close quote. Jesus was really good at this. He saw the woman at the well and He told her that He was the Messiah. He saw the blind man and healed him. Jesus told the story of the good Samaritan who saw a child of God instead of an enemy. Someone who saw me as a child of God was Brother W. because he let me give this talk and I’ve always wanted to give a talk in sacrament meeting. He saw I really wanted to do this even though I’m little. My testimony is that you can see others for who they really are, children of God. You can practice by saying “I recognize you, I respect you, and you matter“ just like Jesus did. We are all children of God. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The Two Great Commandments

Peter spoke in his ward this past Sunday. We knew he was preparing, he mentioned it when we spoke last week. He'd been asked to speak on service, a topic he's had a lot of experience with over the last year. With his permission, here's his talk:

About two thousand years ago, a Pharisee approached Jesus Christ and asked him a question. Being a lawyer, and a Pharisee, the question wasn't asked with the intent to learn, but asked with the intent to tempt Jesus, entangling him in his words so that his teachings would lose their credibility. This was the intent of the question. The result, however, was far more profound than anyone had expected.

The question was as follows. “Master, which is the great commandment in the law?”

Knowing the intent behind the question, the lawyer perhaps knew that there are many great and important commandments, and surely nobody could truly name one above the others. One could present an argument that any commandment could be above the other.

Jesus knew the intent of the question, and answered perfectly. He said: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

Instead of picking out one commandment and portraying it above the others he instead chose to summarize all other commandments in two simple commandments. Love God, and love thy neighbor. This answer, and a few questions asked by the Savior shocked the Pharisees, and they asked no more questions.

Later, Jesus is telling his followers about how the great nations will be divided in the last day. To those that follow him he will say: 

“I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

By this parable we learn that as we fulfill the second commandment, we also start to fulfill the first. Or, in other words, we can not fulfill the commandment to love our God without also following the commandment to love our neighbor.

This of course is taught by King Benjamin, the righteous king in the Book of Mormon, when he teaches us of service, and serving our fellow man. And he tells us these things, that [we] may learn wisdom; that [we] may learn that when [we] are in the service of [our] fellow beings [we] are only in the service of [our] God.

Towards the end of his New Testament ministry, Jesus is speaking again to his apostles. He tells them “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

If we truly are to be disciples of Jesus Christ we must learn to love one another, to love our neighbor.

When we are baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, we make a covenant with God to take Jesus's name upon us. By doing so, as the prophet Alma states, we are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort,

When we take the name of Jesus on us we are asked to serve others. To make their burdens light. 

We can all serve those around us in many ways! Service can be teaching someone about the gospel, or helping a loved one with a long and dreaded task. Service can be a child helping a parent prepare dinner, or watching their younger siblings. Service can even be as small as a kind word and thoughtful smile that will brighten someone's day.

Service means a lot to me. Before coming here to P4, I was what was called a service missionary, for 9 months in the Lehigh Valley. A service missionary is a missionary who focuses on serving the community instead of teaching. Every day I would go out and serve in donation centers and food banks. This was a wonderful opportunity to serve, but we don't all have to be set apart missionaries in order to do so. 

We can help those that need help everyday. In doing so we exercise our love for our fellow man. In a sense this serves us, because it will increase our capacity to love our neighbor. 

God has blessed each and every one of us with unique and individual talents. These talents can be things like connecting with people, or music, art, intelligence, any number of things. We can use all of these talents to help serve those around us, to help uplift those as the savior would.

Jesus teaches us this when he says “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

We have a lot of light in us, gifted to us by our glorious Father in Heaven. There is no reason to not use that light to light the path of others, and the lives of others. By doing so we are doing a great work and inviting others to glorify God!

One of the greatest Christ-like attributes of which we seek to attain in this life is charity. Part of charity is patience, kindness, selflessness. Serving others can even be something as simple as showing a little bit more patience and kindness as someone goes through a hard time.

One of the best sources of guidance on how to serve our fellow man in our everyday life are the four simple words “what would Jesus do?”

By relying on the Savior as our guide through life we will never miss an opportunity to serve. You will be pillars of light in the darkness, brightening the world for all to see and glorify God.

I leave this invitation with you all to remember to follow the example in Jesus Christ, to ask yourselves what would Jesus do?

I say all these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Finding Joy - UPDATED

I was told that my initial posting of Cooper's talk had formatting that made it impossible to properly read. I think it's now fixed.

Original Post: Cooper gave his mission farewell talk a week ago. He did a great job and the Spirit was strong while he spoke. Here's the talk he gave:

God loves us, so He sent His son, Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins and pains, die for us as, and be resurrected so that we can all be resurrected. It is through him exclusively that we can experience the greatest amount of joy possible.

In a 2024 General Conference address, Elder Patrick Kearon spoke on how our church is a church of joy, saying:

“We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ. We are members of the church of joy! And nowhere should our joy as a people be more apparent than when we gather together each Sabbath in our sacrament meetings to worship the source of all joy! Here we assemble with our ward and branch families to celebrate the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper, our deliverance from sin and death, and the Saviour’s powerful grace! Here we come to experience the joy, refuge, forgiveness, thanksgiving, and belonging found through Jesus Christ!”

I feel like we always talk about the hardships of life, about how it’s difficult and it’s meant to be a test. Yes, we can and should grow and reform ourselves through our trials, however, our ultimate focus should be seeking the infinite feeling of joy found only through the gospel of Jesus Christ. I like to reflect on my life and the experiences that have caused me to feel the most joy. Some of the most profound examples are times when I am actively involved in something that brings the Spirit. I would like to discuss some ways that we can increase the joy in our lives.

The first is showing up. One highly impactful experience in my life is the For the Strength of Youth conferences I attended as a youth. What was so special about these experiences, and how did they change my life? Every day at FSY, we did daily scripture study in the morning. We focused on likening the scriptures unto ourselves.

As Jeremiah 5:16 says,

“Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O Lord God of hosts.”

Scripture study is not limited to that week though. As we actively choose to read the scriptures and apply them to our lives, we are more able to receive promptings of guidance from the Holy Ghost, have clarity and protection in life, and ultimately feel a fulfilling sense of joy.

I spent the week feeling a unique sense of peace. The classes taught were more engaging, and the messages from our teachers spoke to me. Some of the classes didn’t seem to have much of an impact, but others did. I think the key for me was showing up. Having the faith to show up to church, to read the scriptures, to do things that are so often talked about is crucial to feeling joy. And it is not only about showing up to attend, but to give praise and thanksgiving to our Father in Heaven for the blessings we have received, and for the joy found through His mercy and Christ’s Atonement.

Simply studying the scriptures every day and listening to the messages being taught helped me to feel joy. I felt more energized, more invigorated and ready for each day. And in my friends and the other youth, I could also see a light shine. Not everyone took FSY seriously but those who did, who committed to studying the gospel daily seemed to thrive.

I’ve had 4 FSY experiences and not all of them have been the same. I have had some where I have focused so much on the people around me, on only trying to be socially engaged that I actually overlooked the gospel principles that I was there to learn. But in my most recent and final FSY this past summer, I decided to focus on the classes, on going where the Lord wanted me to go and not where the people I wanted to be with wanted to go, and honestly, it was infinitely better. Not only did I feel the Spirit more, but I was still able to meet and talk to more people.

Another thing I think of that brings true joy is service. Thomas S. Monson said, “To find real happiness, we must seek it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty, the fulfillment of which brings true joy.” Service is something that can look very different for different people. I know myself and others here have served in the Bethlehem Emergency Shelter, where we prepared and served food for the shelter guests. Caring for God’s children and trying to love them as much as Heavenly Father does is one of our greatest purposes here on Earth. As the second great commandment says, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” Some people may choose to donate to charities or show up to large community events. Serving can also be small. Carrying groceries, opening a door, sitting for someone for comfort, or even a simple smile. Ultimately, it’s not about what we actually do or how big or small our acts of service are, but rather where our hearts are. We as people find joy when doing things that we love or being with friends and family that we love. When we put aside our differences and don’t always try to win or be correct, we can learn to love all of God’s children even more. M Russell Ballard, in an April 2011 General Conference talk, said,

“Our small and simple acts of kindness and service will accumulate into a life filled with love for Heavenly Father, devotion to the work of the Lord Jesus Christ, and a sense of peace and joy each time we reach out to one another.”

This is the reason I am going on a mission, to serve others, to be a friend, to do my part to show people the love that God has for them.

The final reason I want to speak on how I have felt joy is through bearing my testimony. Serving a mission will allow me to do this on a daily basis, which I am very excited for. But I’ve already had experiences like this in my life. Even when going out with the missionaries before, I have been able to share my testimony and feel joy and fulfilment. Brothers and sisters, a testimony does not have to be long or fancy or complex at all. In fact, sometimes a testimony as simply as that of a child can allow the Spirit to pierce the heart and bring a fullness of joy felt nowhere else. In terms of sharing my testimony, at times it has seemed difficult. When is the right moment, how can we know? Anytime can be the right moment. A testimony is never something we should be ashamed of, or something we should try to hide.

As Matthew 5:16 says, “15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

In a little over a week, I begin my mission, starting with at home training before I travel to the Missionary Training Center, and then leave for the Juiz de Fora, Brazil mission. Recently, I’ve had to tell many people about my mission who may not understand it. While I don’t always go into full detail, being open and willing to talk about it has made me feel so much better than if I were to try and hide it or move past it when it gets brought up. Some people wonder why I’m leaving, some people think 2 years is a crazy long time to devote my life to something like a mission. But I know the plan that God has for me. I know the joy that I can feel through bearing my testimony, through going and teaching others, and devoting my mission and the remainder of my life to service, by studying the gospel of Jesus Christ directly from the scriptures, by doing it daily and intentionally.

For an additional, personal way I find joy, I think of music. It’s so cool to me to think of the power of music, especially when bearing testimony. Another FSY experience I’ve had multiple times is singing the Youth Medley, which combines Daughters of Zion with We’ll Bring the World his Truth, into this beautiful, powerful medley. The young women sing first followed by the young men, and then we all sing together in unity, singing praises to Christ and of sharing his gospel! Of doing missionary work! The last few lines of the song literally say,

“We are as the army of Helaman.

We have been taught in our youth.

And we will be the Lord's missionaries To bring the world his truth.

To bring the world his truth.”

After I sing these words, I feel a rush of the Spirit, an overwhelmiing sensation that I am on the right path. After singing this medley, I walked for the rest of the evening with a smile on my face. I couldn’t hide my joy! We were blessed to have a testimony meeting that night where I was able to bear my testimony, and share the things I knew to be true.

Other experiences I’ve had feeling joy through music have been singing in the ward choir. We are asked to sing praises to God, and what better way than through literal music. The hymns we sing each sacrament meeting are also a reminder of what the focus of our lives should be, which is on Jesus Christ.

D&C 5:15 says, 15 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!”

This is all we need to do. Be a witness of Him. Bear testimony of Him.

Through these things, I will feel joy. You will feel joy. It’s not just for missionaries, it’s not just for members of the church, but for every single one of God’s children. Yes, life is hard, it is difficult and it is supposed to be. But let us focus on finding joy. The scripture that I chose to include on my missionary plaque, hanging outside, down the hall right now, is Alma 33:11. It reads like this:

“11 And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions, for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son.”

We have a loving Father in Heaven. He loves me and he loves you. I know the Book of Mormon is true. I know that this church is true. And I know that in Him, is all of our joy. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Say Yes

Our ward got to hear from another member of our family this week. It was my turn this time. The hardest part about writing this talk was in trying not to compare my talk to Bryan's amazing talk from last week. Here's my offering:

In Matthew chapter 22, one of the Pharisees came to Jesus with a question:

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Before moving to Pennsylvania, we lived in Illinois. Shortly after arriving in the Land of Lincoln, the Bishop asked to meet with me. He asked me to serve as the second counselor in the Relief Society presidency. This calling surprised me. We were new to the ward. I hadn’t served in a presidency since my days in Young Women. I had four active, busy kids and my youngest wasn’t even two. And Bryan had an hour and a half commute to and from Chicago each day, so he would rarely be home to take over parenting duties so I could fulfill this role. I felt overwhelmed at the thought. I said all of these things out loud to the Bishop as he sat in my living room. He told me he believed I could do it. Aware of all those concerns, I said yes.

In his April 2026 General Conference talk, Elder Patrick Kearon of the Quorum of the Twelve shared his own experience receiving a calling shortly after joining the church as a young adult. He said, “I was invited to meet with the bishop. He had taken time to get to know me when I was being taught by the missionaries. He rocked back in his chair, thwacking a ruler into his palm, and told me that we were meeting because he had a calling for me. He had prayed—about me—and he told me the calling would be of benefit to me and my future service to the Lord in His Church. He extended the calling of assistant ward clerk. The reaction in my mind was, “Assistant ward clerk? Well, that is not me!” Fortunately, a little grace intervened, and I responded with a “thank you” and that I would endeavour to learn what was involved. I did not have a clue.”

My own role in the Relief Society presidency was difficult. I hoped that I would be in charge of the teachers. Teaching is a calling that makes my heart sing; I felt like I could do a good job there. Instead I was put in charge of the monthly activities. This was definitely outside of my comfort zone. There was a sharp learning curve and there were assignments that I didn’t always fulfill to the level I wanted. I could have ended my time in this calling grumpy and bitter. What made the difference for me was the woman who served as the Relief Society president. Julie was a recent empty nester, a successful corporate lawyer, and a wonderfully nurturing and empowering leader. This was her second time serving in this capacity and she had already been serving for a few years. She trained me and encouraged me. She was supportive and flexible. And when I called her in tears over a major service activity with a community impact that had hit a significant roadblock, she gave comfort and gentle correction over a mistake I had made. She embodied the command to love God and her neighbor through the way she led.

Going back to his talk from April, Elder Kearon said, “I came to understand why everyone serves one another in a ward or branch: it affords us all the opportunity to pursue Christ and His virtues—such as charity, humility, meekness, forgiveness, and love—with people who may be very different to us. I clearly saw how faith is fortified and the body of Christ bonded together.”

We only lived in Illinois for a year. When we left, the whole presidency was released. Julie went from serving as the Relief Society president to being a nursery leader. And she was thrilled.

Elder Kearon said, “Some callings are highly stretching, while others may leave us wondering, “Isn’t there more I could be asked to do?” You might serve in a very visible role for a time, only later to be called to quiet, unseen service—or to support those with less experience. When callings change in ways that deeply impact you or your family, it can require great faith and trust in the Lord while you adjust.”

I’ve had many opportunities over the years to love God and my neighbors through serving in callings at church. Some of those have fed my soul. I loved teaching youth Sunday School, doing singing time in Primary, and directing the ward choir. Others have been really hard. I was never very good at calling women to get their Visiting Teaching reports, nor was I a standout secretary. Cub scouts tapped into my creativity which I enjoyed, but it also drained my energy. But I learned from each of those responsibilities, even the ones I didn’t particularly enjoy.

From Elder Kearon said, “Our service is a choice, an offering to God, and a blessing. We all know that prayer, study of scripture, and worship at church and in the temple are critical to the development of our faith. Have we also come to see our callings as having a foundational role in the expansion of our faith? Callings from the Lord are tailor-made for our growth, as we humble ourselves, look outward, and learn that, indeed, when we are in the service of our fellow beings, we are in fact in the service of our God. It really isn’t where we serve but how that matters to the Lord.”

So, if the how of service is more important than the where, how should we serve? Mother Thereas taught, “I never look at the masses as my responsibility. I look at the individual. I can love only one person at a time. I can feed only one person at a time. Just one, one, one.” I saw an example of this last Sunday. Our family was sitting in the Relief Society room after church, waiting for the baptism to start. I was tired, sitting in the back, kind of in my own head. While the prelude music was playing, my daughter Sophie turned to me and said, “We need to go help Sister Gerber.” I looked over and saw her sitting at the piano, playing the music I was listening to and trying to patiently wrangle her two boys at the same time. Sophie had noticed and felt inspired to act. I responded, “Oh, yes we do.” I followed her lead and we crossed the room and each entertained one of the boys so their mom could play the piano. Now, I’ve been talking about serving in callings in the church, this story might feel like a departure from that. But it’s not. It’s at the heart of every calling we have. Service in the church is about seeing the needs of those around us, and acting through inspiration. 

This is how the Savior operated. His life was dedicated to seeing needs and then meeting them. He turned water into wine when His mother asked him to. He healed the son of the man who plead “Help thou mine unbelief.” He comforted Mary and Martha and raised Lazarus from the tomb. He washed the feet of his disciples, knowing that His time in the Garden and on the cross was imminent. He served, even when He was tired, even when He was weary. Remember, He was the one that taught “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” And then He lived what He taught.

We’ve talked about how to serve when we’re called to, but what if we’re not the one called? Many Sundays we sit in these pews and listen while the name of someone in the congregation is called to a new role in the ward or stake. Then we’re invited to raise our arms, showing that we agree to support this person in their service. What does that mean? To support them in their service? And what if we don’t like the way they serve? What if we feel someone else could do a better job? 

In April 2013 President Jeffrey R. Holland taught: “Be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work. As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fulness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all. Those finite vessels include you and me, so be patient and kind and forgiving“ (“Lord, I Believe,” Liahona, May 2013, 94).

I chatted with my parents about this topic during our weekly call a few days ago. My dad shared that when he served in the Bishopric when I was a teenager he would often look out at the congregation from his seat on the stand and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for those members that were serving in callings. He was very aware that the ward wouldn’t function without all of those people who said yes when they were asked to serve and then showed up on a regular basis to fulfill their responsibilities. I feel the same way about everyone who serves in primary. Whenever someone says yes to serving in primary, my heart feels like it’s going to explode with joy.

            After the Savior’s atonement, crucifixion, and resurrection, Jesus appeared to his disciples. He gave them instructions while they were fishing, then they gathered with Him on the beach to eat. John chapter 21 tells us about the conversation that followed. Starting with verse 15:

15 ¶ So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

This year in primary we learned a song called Choose to Serve the Lord. Listen to the words of the chorus: “I will choose to serve the Lord like my scripture heroes of old. I will learn and grow in faith. God will be my strength with every step I take, I will choose to serve the Lord.” The scriptures that we study are full of people who said yes to doing hard things to serve God and their neighbors. Nephi said he would “go and do” when asked to get the brass plates. Abinadi and Samuel the Lamanite said yes to teaching groups of people that wanted to cause them great harm. Noah built an ark. Moses stood up to a Pharaoh. Esther spoke on behalf of her people and saved a nation. The Savior Himself said “Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” in Gethsemane, before the greatest act of love that we know of. 

This is a church built largely on the service of its members. Our wards and stakes could not function without the people that have been willing to say yes to organizing, teaching, supporting, and showing up. At the heart of every calling in the church is the admonition to love God and love our neighbors. Callings are love in action. Pope Francis said, “You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them.” We can feed them literally, and we can feed them figuratively through our love and attention and service. We have not been asked to build an ark or face a horde with bows and arrows. But we have been asked to love God and our neighbors. We can follow the example of the Savior and love and serve those around us.

What will you do this week to love God and your neighbor?

I bear my testimony that what I’ve said today is true. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

When You Know Better

Bryan celebrated Father's Day by writing (in the days leading up to the holiday) and delivering a talk in church. He was given the broad prompt of "Father's Day." After pouring hours into this endeavor, he came away with the best Father's Day talk I've heard. It's a good thing that I didn't wear mascara to church, because lots of good tears fell from my eyes while he spoke. The kids were equally impressed with their dad, which is as it should be.

Here is Bryan's talk:

Recently at work I was challenged to build a new team to manage special projects for the company. The candidates spanned the spectrum of experience from recently graduated to those with decades of experience. Part of my task is to ensure they learn and follow a well-established widely accepted project management framework that has remained largely unchanged for more than a century. 

Though this framework is fixed, how I ‘operationalize’ it varies greatly throughout my team. I find that my focus needs to shift constantly based on their individual needs. Complicating matters are ever changing business needs, industry standards, tools, models and techniques require that I adjust training for the team as a whole. There is always something to learn – even with a solid grasp of the fundamentals. Continuous improvement is a requirement to remain effective. 

There is a danger that project managers can stop improving. They get stuck using techniques that once worked early in their career but are not efficient in the current environment, or they may overdevelop skills in one area to compensate for a lack of skills in another. Others get stuck on theory – continually learning but never applying. Some outright reject anything new because “that’s not how I was taught - the fundamentals don’t change.” 

When I see this happening on my team, I remind them of a quote from Maya Angelou: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." 

So what does that have to do with Father’s Day? 

As I was preparing to speak, I started digging into General Conference archives looking for inspiration in talks about fathers and fatherhood. Do you have any idea how many there are? Since the year 2000 there have been at least twenty-six, and I stopped counting at 51 back to 1970. 

I couldn’t read them all, but I began skimming praying for the moment when the Spirit says “Stop” and you find the talk or quote that provides inspiration. But that moment didn’t come. Everything was important – it was overwhelming. Suffice it to day, I’m not going to cover everything. 

As I searched through decades of talks, I began to notice patterns in the teachings that seemed specific to each era in which the conference address was given. Now, this isn’t a huge revelation. We know that Heavenly Father teaches us according to our needs – much the same as I coach my team according to theirs. 

The insight for me came in the realization that we too can get stuck in the theory, or overdevelop one set of skills to compensate for weakness in another. We may even disregard newer teachings because “that’s not how I was taught – doctrine doesn’t change.”  

If we see this happening in ourselves, we should remember, "When you know better, do better." 

There are three steps to avoid getting stuck. 1) Understand that Doctrine does not change; 2) Living prophets speak to people according to their needs; and 3) continue to learn even after we understand fundamental doctrine. 

First, the doctrine of the church, the Plan of Salvation is unchanging. We have faith. We repent. We are baptized by immersion. We receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost. We endure to the end. Families are central to the Plan of Salvation and Celestial Marriage is required for Exaltation. The role of Father is modeled after our Father in Heaven. 

Second, Living prophets speak for Heavenly Father. This is how He ‘operationalizes’ His doctrine. Prophets provide instructions for how to apply it, frequently offering specific techniques, tools and models based on the current needs of the Saints. 

Third, once we understand the fundamentals, we must continue to learn and grow. Current teachings do not invalidate those of the past. We need to understand that new teachings add to the toolkit we have as disciples of Christ and show where we need to focus to be more effective in our era. 

I can summarize this with the Ninth Article of Faith, which describes the fundamental truth behind these steps:  

"We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God." 

I can only imagine the excitement and bewilderment of the early Saints, witnessing so many restored and revealed truths, knowing that there was much more to come. The same is true for our day. Let’s briefly review what Heavenly Father taught us about Fatherhood through living prophets over the last 196 years. 

The Restoration focused on the need of the early Church to understand the Divinity and Eternal Nature of Fatherhood and establish fundamental truths, that we have a Father in Heaven and we are His children. Joseph Smith taught that fatherhood was tied to the sealing power, that husbands and wives must act as equal partners, and that Fathers should bless their children.  

The Pioneer Era found the families of the saints in near-constant, side-by-side physical presence. Life was defined by familiar cooperation with Fathers spending their day working right alongside their children. Paternal governance was authoritative, but President Brigham Young corrected the harsher cultural parenting styles of the 19th century, counseling fathers that they should "never chasten a soul beyond the balm they possessed within themselves to bind up the wound." 

 

First half of the 20th Century saw rapid urbanization which accelerated the disruption that started with the Industrial Revolution. Fathers began to leave home for most of the day for urban offices or factories as societal pressures emphasized the drive to put in the hours at work to become successful. To prevent families from fracturing, President Joseph F. Smith championed a movement of home reformation, charging fathers to teach their children "by your own precept and example, by your own fireside." Decades later, President David O. McKay popularized the immortal standard: "No other success in life can compensate for failure in the home." 

 

The 1970s saw a prophetic focus for fathers that asserted structure and protective hierarchy amidst massive Church membership growth, and a world undergoing intense social upheaval. During the October 1973 General Conference, Elder A. Theodore Tuttle delivered a direct address defining the father’s role in terms of familial government: 

"In reality, each family is a dominion within itself. Father heads that government... The father is the patriarch of an eternal family unit… The father is the protector of the home." 

In 1975 President N. Eldon Tanner framed the father as a "moral sentinel," holding a direct, private line of revelation to protect the moral standards of his home. This imagery of dominion, government, protector and sentinel stood against social upheaval, firmly establishing a patriarchal order in the home. 

October 1978, the historic revelation extending the priesthood to all worthy male members fundamentally democratized this patriarchal order, fully empowering all worthy men to step up as the spiritual patriarchs of their homes. 

 

The teachings of the 1980s were highly tactical and prescriptive to help fathers navigate an ever more ambiguous world where the lines between right and wrong were blurring as some moved toward moral relativism and others embraced media permissiveness. Fathers received practical instructions checklists clearly defining what to do and not to do, like President Ezra Taft Benson’s 1987 address, "To the Fathers in Israel" where he said: 

"… (A) father's calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity" followed by a literal ten-point checklist, explicitly telling fathers to give priesthood blessings, lead daily family scripture reading, hold weekly Family Home Evenings, and take their children on individual dates and outings.  

Prophetic council of the ‘90s sought to remind Fathers not overcompensate with structure, governance and hierarchy taught in previous decades and encourage them to use other principles that were in danger of atrophy from disuse - the need for families to spend time together, and for Fathers to step beyond protector and sentinel, and take an active, loving role in raising their children 

In 1994 President Howard W. Hunter fiercely denounced any lingering, old-fashioned ideas of male dominance, declaring that a righteous father views his wife as a full, equal partner in family governance:  

"Effective family leadership, brethren, requires both quantity and quality time... A righteous father protects his children with his time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities. Tender expressions of love and affection toward children are as much the responsibility of the father as the mother. Tell your children you love them". 

Perhaps you remember the Church’s media campaign “Family. Isn’t it about… time.” 

More significant was the presentation of “The Family: A Proclamation to the World" by President Gordon B. Hinkley in September 1995, which again emphasized that "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."  

As the Church entered the 21st Century, General Conference addresses increasingly framed the relationship between husbands and wives, and the role of Fathers, in terms of co-equal partnership. 

In April 2004, Elder L. Tom Perry clarified the doctrine of presiding, framing it strictly as an equal partnership: 

"There is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family" 

The discourse of the 2010s focused on the unique, irreplaceable, and non-interchangeable contribution of fathers to their families amid cultural trends that increasingly characterized fathers as either superfluous, redundant, or comical.  

Thomas B. Holman pointed out that a father's "psychological or emotional absence can be just as hurtful… as physical absence" urging fathers to show nonverbal affection through eye contact, smiles, hugs, and setting aside dedicated one-on-one time. 

In April 2013, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf compared a father's love to how a parent treats a toddler learning to walk:  

"What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents". 

Sister Elaine S. Dalton delivered powerful counsel in In October 2011 on how fathers shape their daughters' expectations of manhood and protect their virtue: 

"How do you raise a girl? Love her mother… Watch over [your daughters], strengthen them, model virtuous behavior, and teach them to follow in the Savior's every footstep". 

In April 2016, Elder D. Todd Christofferson delivered a seminal address simply titled Fathers, defending the specific necessity of the male parental role: 

"As a Church, we believe in fathers…. Some see the good of fatherhood in social terms... We know that fatherhood is much more than a social construct... Fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve. Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but it is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy". 

Elder D. Todd Christofferson also highlighted the specific spiritual impact of a father who engages in scripture study with his household: 

"A father who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord". 

As we look across history we see continual evidence and teachings of the fundamental doctrine that Fatherhood is divine. It does not change from era to era. We can also see that the principles taught about how to be a father shifted between loving partnerships, authority and protection, structure and checklists, quality time, vulnerability and emotional availability – all according to the needs of the era. 

What is the application of this brief survey for us? We must evaluate whether we are too comfortable with a certain set of tools. Are we being less effective by overusing certain methods and techniques? If we as fathers resort to the rigid, unilateral hierarchy of the past because we are uncomfortable with the emotional vulnerability and equal partnership that is emphasized today, we are missing the teachings of a living prophet telling us what is needed in our day. 

My invitation to you today is to look at your own stewardship: What does my family need from me right now? I’d suggest that you can find the answer by listening to our living prophets. And when you know better, do better. 

Fatherhood is an eternal doctrine, but how to be a father is a living, breathing thing. I leave you my testimony that we have a loving, perfectly attentive Heavenly Father. He does not leave us to guess how to navigate the changing winds of the world. He speaks through living prophets to hand us the exact tools we need for our day so that we can successfully guide our most important project - our families - safely back home. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.