The People

For many years we've discussed world events with our kids. We made the choice early on to talk with them about big and scary things, not because we wanted to frighten them, but because we knew if we didn't someone else would. This often happened when they attended school in person. A friend or teacher would mention something that had happened and the kids would come home and ask questions. I guess you could say that awareness of current events is part of our family culture.

Bryan and I had been watching Russia encroach on Ukraine, holding our collective breath, praying that they did not invade. Last Thursday morning we woke to news that Ukraine was under attack. We were both heartsick. Peter and Phoebe are both avid headline readers, so they were also aware of what was happening early on. We've talked with them and tried to answer their questions.

I keep thinking about the people. There are good and innocent people in Ukraine, people who are being attacked, people that are being driven from their homes and their country. And there are good and innocent people in Russia, people that do not support the wicked actions of their leader, people that are being imprisoned for speaking against him and his horrible actions. It hurts my heart.

And I'm worried about what will happen if the leader of Russia claims Ukraine. Will he press forward? Will one country be enough for him? 

We will continue to fast and pray for the people of Ukraine, for the people of Russia.

I wish I could do more.

Being Brave

The girls and I braved the outside world and attended their first in-person Primary activity in over a year. On Saturday morning we wore our masks and took our box of chalk to the church parking lot. There were only two other girls, plus two leaders, there. The plan was to draw beautiful chalk pictures on the back sidewalk and parking lot of the church building for the members to enjoy the following day.

I decided to take the girls for two reasons: I was going to be there and could help them keep a reasonable distance from others that were attending (this was important since one little girl kept running over near where we were and the others at the activity weren't social distancing from each other at all) and because there is an unfortunate belief among some of the members of our ward that we are inactive and don't want contact. This is so completely untrue, we have attended nearly every virtual meeting that has been held. I wanted to show up to something in person to try and squash that rumor.

Phoebe and Sophie were both really anxious and uncomfortable about going. I had to give them pep talks on the drive there. Every time one of the leaders or other girls came over to see what Phoebe and Sophie were drawing, Sophie would back way up. I was glad she was being careful, but I also took a few minutes to show her how far away six feet was, rather than the twelve to fifteen she was moving.

There were stressful moments for our girls, like watching the others sit right next to each other in camp chairs at the beginning of the activity. But there were good moments too, like getting to see a good friend in person and at a good distance. And they did have fun being outside and drawing. Also, it was unseasonably cold for May 1st, so we were bundled up.

Sophie said this was a picture of Jesus, teaching in heaven.

Phoebe drew this moon and star-catching fishing pole for kids to lie on for a photo-op.

Sophie drew this picture of Jesus holding a Book of Mormon.

Just above Sophie's drawing, Phoebe drew a pathway with footprints on it and with an iron rod to one side. She wrote Stay on the Covenant Path on one side and Hold to the Rod on the other. The path ended at the Temple.

Sophie drew herself wearing the armor of God.

In the end, the girls were glad to have gone. 

After it was discovered we would be attending, one of the leaders texted me and said she was so glad we would be there and asked if it was okay if they didn't wear masks. I was so taken aback at the request that I didn't respond until the next day. After a year of not seeing us in person, and knowing how careful we've been and what a struggle it was to agree to come, I was kind of shocked that that would be their response. 

I greatly dislike feeling like I'm imposing on anyone, and I knew that by saying yes to wearing masks, that's exactly what I would be doing. But I finally worked up the courage to do it anyway. I said that I was under the impression that masks were required on church property and that that was in part why we said yes, but if that had changed we could sit out this activity as well. The individual replied that they would wear masks, and so we went. I had the impression that they were not pleased with my answer. I don't know what the mask situation will be like the next time they meet in person.

More Than a Trim

Sophie has been asking me to cut her hair for several weeks. I've trimmed the girls' hair and I feel confident doing that, but she wanted several inches removed. I wasn't really comfortable with that idea and was genuinely concerned that I would do a hack job on her hair. I know, hair grows back, but my kids have long memories and would not let me forget if something like that happened.

So I stalled. We couldn't cut her hair until after her dance recital, that was a legit reason for me to not play salon. Then I pointed out that I didn't really know how to cut her hair and would need time to learn. She asked everyday of the week after her recital if I had learned how yet.

I took my lack of education to YouTube University. After watching a handful of videos, I was hesitantly willing. On Saturday afternoon I got to work.

She is, thankfully, a happy customer.

Homebodies

The stay at home order in our area has moved from red to yellow. Many people think that means that the possibility of catching the virus is gone. What it actually means is that we've flattened the curve enough that the hospitals won't be overwhelmed by the new cases that pop up. Our family has decided to continue on as if we were still in quarantine.

That might seem bonkers. Why, after being stuck at home for twelve weeks, would we keep doing that now that we have the option of going out?

We have a few reasons. I have asthma. It's not super horrible asthma, but it's enough that several times each day I have to stop what I'm doing and focus on taking a deep breath, and then it might take multiple attempts to get that sought after deep breath, and then I might need to grab my inhaler for some extra help. Having asthma puts me in the "underlying condition" category. And that feels weird, since I don't think of myself as ill. And I'm really not ill, I just don't always breathe very well.

Another reason is Topher. Remember his hospital stay more than a year ago? The doctors told us that because of the RSV and pneumonia he would be extra susceptible to respiratory illnesses in the future. That has proven to be true. I realize that COVID-19 doesn't appear to impact kids in the same way as adults, but they can still get sick.

We've already had some awkwardness of being invited to activities by people at church and doing our best to politely decline. I have a feeling that's only going to get worse as more and more things open up.

It's cool, I've got a lifetime of being the weird kid and not following the crowd to help me out here.

Doorman

We found a visitor sunning itself on the prickly bush right outside our front door.

We opted to leave through the garage for our walk so as not to disturb our guest.

A Public Service Announcement

If you're ever in the position of making a batch of crepes for dinner (a recipe that you've multiplied by six this time, because the people at your house really love crepes), be mindful about which burner you turn on, especially when all that batter is in your biggest plastic bowl that you use several times a week.

Otherwise, a few minutes after pouring the first two crepes into your two hot skillets you might look at the small skillet on the back burner and wonder why the crepe appears to not be getting any darker.

And then your eyes might fly up to the little orange indicator above the burner dial, at which point you'll see that the back burner light is off, while the front burner light is on.

Then, as your brain begins to understand what's happening, you might reach for that great big plastic bowl and two things will happen at the same time: you'll notice that the batter in the bowl is beginning to bubble and you'll attempt to rip the bowl away from the offending burner.

Alas, you will be too late.

It is at this point that you'll watch a dozen eggs, nine cups of milk, six cups of flour, and a little oil and salt pour from what used to be the solid bottom of your bowl, thereby covering your glass stove top (plus some of the floor) with what was supposed to be dinner.

If this happens, it's okay to take pictures.

And cry.

It's also okay to let your husband and oldest child begin the cleanup process while you do something else, like possibly comfort a child crying over a completely unrelated issue. 

If you ever find yourself in this position, it's okay to eat cereal or leftovers or something else for dinner while you mourn the loss of several hard to come by food items and that poor melted bowl.

But it's also acceptable to decide to show your kids that you can get back on the metaphorical horse and, after everything is thoroughly scrubbed clean, make another batch (times six) of crepes, this time in a sturdy metal bowl and with the correct burner engaged.

Catch

A few weeks ago, on a rare sunny day, Cooper decided he would finally learn to ride his bike. He could sort of ride it before, with several starts and stops, but he wanted to improve. When Bryan discovered that the tires were flat and the seat and handlebars were in the wrong places, then fixed those issues, Cooper's riding improved dramatically. Since that day Peter and Cooper have ridden their bikes together each day that the weather and the parents have allowed. 

Yesterday morning was chilly, but beautifully sunny. The big boys headed out to the garage to put on their helmets and take a ride. Topher, not wanting to be left out, climbed onto his trusty rolling horse and followed them as far as I would allow, to the laundry room. That's where I stayed with him while I also chatted with Peter and Cooper and loaded the washer.

As I checked pockets for trinkets before tossing jeans into the washing machine, I saw Topher inch closer and closer to the door to the garage. I thought that I was close enough to keep him with me. I thought that I could reach out with lightning fast mom reflexes and grab him if he attempted to roll down the step to join his brothers.

I was wrong.

As I saw his front wheel begin to cross the threshold into the garage time shifted into slow motion. I moved toward him and saw him make the abrupt transition to the lower step. I reached out as his horse made contact with the cement of the garage floor. And as I saw him begin to go head first over the front of his horse onto that hard floor I yelled, "Catch him! Catch him!! CATCH HIM!!!"

And in that moment Cooper's hands flew out and caught Topher's face and head, about an inch above the ground.

The slow motion version of my life ended and I finally reached Topher. I scooped him out of the safe arms of his big brother and held him so close. Then I threw my other arm around Cooper and said, "Thank you Cooper. Thank you so much! You just saved him from a possible concussion, or worse. Thank you for being there and for catching him." Then I shook from fear and relief and shock while I waved to the boys as they rode away.

Topher was totally fine, though still a little bummed that he couldn't ride his horse-bike down the street with the big boys.

Hello From The Outside

I went outside yesterday. Twice.

Once was to the mailbox with Topher and the girls to send out some postcards Phoebe had written to her classmates as part of an organized pen pal project. It was a short walk, but appreciated by all. Topher asked to wear shoes and announced, "I walk self." I held his hand while he walked. He didn't want to come back inside and tried to put on shoes again later in the day as he headed for the front door.

The second jaunt outside was during Topher's nap to help Sophie complete her Earth Day scavenger hunt for social studies and practice throwing a ball overhand for gym. Cooper came with us that time and ran after the ball each time it went rolling down the hill toward the street.

Outside is nice, maybe I'll go there again someday.

Practice What You Preach

I was listening to a book sometime last week (or the week before maybe?) and a phrase caught my attention.

"Practice kindness."

I've heard those two words stuck together before and my brain registered it to mean doing kind things for people. But this time a different meaning occurred to me.

When you want to improve at something, what do you do? You practice. My kids practice piano (sometimes) and math and reading. I spend time on this blog practicing my writing. And we know from research that deliberate practice yields much higher results than half-hearted, begrudging practice.

But how often to we deliberately practice being kind?

That's what I heard this time when the phrase "practice kindness" was said. The inspiration that came in that moment was strong. It said that my family needs to deliberately practice kindness. Because, unfortunately, we aren't doing so well at being kind right now.

I would love to blame the fighting and name-calling and critical words and judgement and hypocrisy and pride on being stuck inside a townhouse together for over five weeks. And maybe that's why it feels so overwhelming and concentrated right now. But the truth of it is that we've had these issues for a long time. Some of us have trained our brains to see the negative to the point that happy, good, uplifting things are not even acknowledged. We have practiced negativity and we're reaping the rewards.

Now, that doesn't mean that every moment is awful. But when a friend recently texted me how thankful she was for this extra time at home with her family because of how strong their relationships were becoming, I almost cried. That is not the experience we are having. Many days I feel like a broken record as I respond to the choices around me. "Please, just find a way to be kind, please."

That is why "practice kindness" struck such a chord with me.

I talked to Bryan about this on Saturday night, then introduced this idea to our kids at the end of our church lessons on Sunday and challenged them to think of ways that our family can practice kindness. I told them we would discuss it during Family Home Evening. Then, yesterday morning during our family scripture study we read Mosiah 4:13-15:

13 And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably, and to render to every man according to that which is his due.14 And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.15 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

I pointed out the importance of what we were reading for our situation. I was so excited to revisit those verses and make a plan last night for FHE to help us be kind. Then yesterday turned into an awful day. Really, really bad. I made the decision to postpone Family Home Evening by one day, to tonight. I could tell that we would not have receptive hearts and minds last night.

In spite of not having our official family council, I still asked the kids if they had thought of any concrete ideas to help us practice kindness. I was able to talk one on one with a few of them and hopefully keep their brains working on this topic.

What do you think? How do you practice kindness in your life? How do you teach and encourage your families to be kind, even when they're tired and stressed and would rather be mean? What council do you have for us as we make a plan to deliberately practice kindness?

Quarantine Week Five: The Pictures

Quarantine Week Four: The Pictures

Educational Agility

Yesterday was our first day of e-learning. It was...okay. Each grade kindergarten through sixth has a Choice Board with six learning activities for each major school subject (math, science, social studies, reading, writing), plus a category for specials (art, gym, music, library) for the week. The kids are supposed to pick one thing from each category each day, totaling five or six (depending on the grade) tasks each day. In theory it should take no more than two hours.

It took more than two hours.

I sat down with the kids in the morning and went through the offered selections. Then, using a variation on the agile board method, we wrote down each task they were responsible for for the day on a sticky note in their assigned color. Then we made one door of our TV cabinet the To Do side and other door the Done side and stuck the Post-Its on the appropriate side. Peter used the mirror on the sideboard for his sticky notes since his assignments are due at the end of the week instead of the end of each day.

This method actually worked pretty well. The kids had some autonomy over what they did and were aware of how much they had accomplished and how much they still had to do. That didn't necessarily mean that they moved faster or worked harder, just that they could see the big picture for the day up front.

We attempted to plug the schoolwork into the schedule that we've been using for the last two weeks. Instead of finishing at the appointed time and moving on to free time, everyone kept doing schoolwork right up until dinner, then Sophie did a little more in the space between dinner and Family Home Evening, just to finish the day's tasks. Some of that extra time was because of tantrums or timeouts or strong negative feelings about needing to make and follow a plan to get the work done. I'm hoping we can cut those particular things out and get through the required stuff faster today.

Quarantine Week Two: The Pictures