Fewer People

 Our house was kind of quiet today.

Not silent, and not bad, just quieter than it's been in a while.

That is all.

Too Many Good Things

This has been an incredibly busy school year.

May has been an exceptionally busy month.

This might be the busiest week yet.

Enjoy this picture of Topher at the library while I try to get everything done that needs to get done this week.

Words With Friends

I am so thankful for book clubs. 

My two-person book club is my favorite. But I also love the local book club I attend. There were only five of us there tonight, but the discussion still filled my soul. Books plus friends equals a very happy me.

That is all.

The Artist's Brain

This morning I attended a Relief Society activity that taught art therapy as a form of self-care. I went because my friend was teaching it and because I'm a social creature. But I was anxious.

Confession: creating visual art is not relaxing for me.

I've never been a doodler. The few painting classes I've attended end up being stressful. I cannot for the life of me figure out water coloring. I hear it's super easy, but I feel like a kindergartener among college level artists when I try. I love to look at art, I appreciate what others do, but I don't enjoy doing it myself. My hands feel awkward and clunky, like the hand-eye coordination required to make something pretty skipped me.  I don't even like coloring.

I planned to keep all of this inside my head. I just wanted to support my friend.

But somehow I let all these feelings come out of my mouth. I was lighthearted in the way that I said it, but I still said that I didn't enjoy the very joyful activity that she was sharing. And I felt pretty lousy about that. However, my oversharing of my insecurities actually led to a great conversation and I left with some soul searching questions about why I feel this way.

I've thought about it for most of the day.

I think part of the issue is that so much of my brain is used for cleaning up after other people, the mess required for visual creativity is not appealing to me. Sometimes I simply don't have the energy, or the time, or the mental space. I make so many decisions for other people all day long, I don't want to make any artistic decisions. And yet I built bookcases and paint the walls of my house. I know those are creative, but they feel more functional. I'm talking about art for art's sake.

I wonder why writing and music and theatre, all incredibly creative and artistic pursuits, don't scare me the way drawing a picture does. Rather, they fill my soul.

This reminds me of my feelings about the color pink. I used to hate the color pink. I mean HATE it. And then almost sixteen years ago we found out we were expecting a baby girl and I was hit with the realization that she might love the color pink, and of course I would want to support her in that. So I had to untangle why I hated pink. It turned out there was a lot to unpack and it took a few years to realize I don't hate pink, I just really disliked the connotations my brain had connected to pink.

I wonder if creating visual art falls into that category for me. Perhaps it's not the art itself, but all my feelings that are connected to it. Maybe it has more to do with my recovering perfectionism, I don't know how to make messy, terrible, in-process art, so I don't make it at all. Maybe I'm wound so tight from everything else I have going on that I can't let my brain relax enough to let it be a peaceful activity. Maybe my constant need to be productive to prove my worth keeps me from sitting and creating. Maybe the brain fog that threatens to follow me wherever I go makes the thought of learning a new skill exhausting.

Maybe I'm not going to solve this in one day.

I know the purpose of the activity was to relax and make something creative. I did participate and I made the art project. But I think the therapy portion of the art therapy session went a lot deeper than I was expecting.

And I think that's a good thing.

Looking Forward and Back

I checked my final post of 2024. These were my goals for 2025:

"In 2025 I hope to keep learning, reading, and strengthening the relationships that matter the most. And while it's probably useless to continue counting it on my resolutions list, I'd like to sleep a little more next year too."

I had no idea that I would spend the first two and a half months of 2025 in an exhausted stupor that left me sleeping many days while the kids were at school. After getting my thyroid medication straightened out in March, I felt more human. But when I wished for more sleep in 2025, that is not what I had in mind.

I feel like 2025 was full of learning experiences, both the happy and the difficult. I relearned that patience is a lesson I need to keep learning, exercise helps my brain and my body, it's important to serve others, and it's important to make time to take care of myself.

I read a lot (that post will publish tomorrow), but not as much as last year. And that's okay. I think there was a little more balance with how I spent my time this year. And by balance, I mean time listening to my kids instead of listening to books.

Did I strengthen my relationships this year? Hmmm, that requires reflection. I think I did. All that extra time listening to my kids helped. And I feel like Bryan and I have worked to carve out more time for each other this year. I've said yes to all the girl nights and book clubs I could squeeze in, which is maybe not good for my sleep but it is great for my soul. I've continued having regular family calls and writing on the blog as a way to maintain long-distance relationships. And continuing to serve in my calling, study the gospel, and spend time in earnest prayer has strengthened my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

It looks like I met all my goals this year.

And what will I do in 2026?

I want to continue nourishing my spirit, mind, and body. I need (this comes as a strong and loving suggestion from Bryan) to find better ways to take care of myself. I want to spend more together time as a family without screens. And I want to get rid of enough stuff that I spend more time on projects that benefit our family and less time on managing our possessions.

I think that's enough to fill a year.

Ho Ho Ho

I just realized that today is November 25th. Which means we're one month away from Christmas. We're usually mostly done with our shopping at this point.

This year?

We're not even a little bit ready.

Day After Day After Day

This has been a long week. A looooooong week. It started with the Primary Program on Sunday. It went really well, but it was just part of a full day. I could feel myself getting sick at the end of last week, though I told myself I couldn't succumb until Monday when the Primary Program was over. I've spent the week coughing and sneezing and trying to balance resting with still getting everyone fed and where they need to be on time.

Actually, I think it's been a long month. I've been staying up late with some kids and getting up early with other kids. I keep losing track of what day it is. I'm pretty sure sleep deprivation has something to do with it. Maybe I'll find a day during Thanksgiving break to sleep in.

Maybe.

Where Are the Lazy Days of Summer?

This has been our busiest summer, maybe ever. We don't have any big trips planned, we've only done a handful of things for our summer theme, and we aren't dong any major household projects.

Why is it so busy?

Normal stuff. Girls camp, high adventure, FSY, youth conference, library activities, the occasional park visit with friends, and weekly church youth night. Add in newer things like Cooper's cross country practices and Phoebe's harp lessons and it feels like we've been running at top speed. I spent most of Wednesday in my van, driving kids places and waiting for them to finish whatever I had driven them to.

Today I laid down for an hour of quiet time and I woke up two hours later, shocked that I had slept at all. That's how worn out I am from the summer so far.

I love summer. I'm not wishing it away. But, man, I am tired.

On a Roll

The number of emails I get each day is pretty ridiculous. I know I'm not the only one experiencing this. I try to skim the titles and read the important ones. Because I prioritize staying off my phone when I'm with my kids, I tend to look through big batches of emails in a few minutes, a couple times a day. That means that many of my emails are left unread. Usually they're the newsletter/spam/junk mail kind of emails. But every once in a while I miss something important.

Tonight I discovered a few of those important missed emails. I shared my frustration with Bryan and he suggested I take a little time to clean out my inbox. Except I had nearly 34,000 unread emails.

Yup, 34,000.

He kindly showed me a trick to batch delete emails, something he uses when his inbox gets out of control. Which is almost never, because he stays on top of digital clutter. (For what it's worth, most of my focus goes to physical clutter rather than digital clutter.) He suggested I spend ten minutes a day working on it until my unread count was zero. I knew that once I started this project I would want to finish it as quickly as possible.

And that is how I came to spend the last four hours deleting emails.

I'm currently down to 14,895, which I think is pretty decent progress.

Drained

This last weekend was full. Soooooo full. Sophie had another show Friday night (she was a sassy hero ensemble member). We had a long choir practice on Saturday morning, then a baptism, then a baby shower. And then Cooper and I saw Sophie's final performance as the lead (she was even better than her first night!). Saturday night included final preparations for Sunday.

Sunday brought us early morning Resurrection rolls, hair and makeup for Sophie for her closing show, church, finding subs for missing teachers, unexpectedly jumping in to takeover singing time, then home for a super quick dinner, and off for last rehearsals before the multi-ward Easter concert that evening that I'd been co-planning since January.

By the time everything was over my brain was done. Done done done.

It's a little better today, but not well enough to write in detail about any of this yet.

Happy Monday!

I Said Yes to Too Many Things

While looking at my schedule this month, I'm not sure if I want to cry or hyperventilate. Or both.

That is all.

Change Is Hard

Our ward boundaries were changed yesterday. A small but highly populated section of our ward was lopped off and moved into a different ward. We're in that section. Instead of our church building being a thirteen minute drive away (and close to the library and most of the schools) it's now a 20 minute drive away without traffic, but will likely be closer to thirty most of the time. And the only thing it's close to is the mall.

They also realigned the Stake boundaries. Both wards in our old building were pulled into the Stake north of us. The Stake Center is nearly two hours away. We're now close enough to the Stake boundary that we can walk to it. Our elementary school is in the other Stake.

We're heartbroken. I think I'm going through the stages of grief. This is the longest we've ever been in a ward. And it was a really good ward. And because they're in a different Stake we won't even see them at Stake activities. 

I only got to serve as the Primary president for six months. I joked that I either nailed it or bombed it. I had to make a joke because I'm so sad I don't get to serve in that role longer.

Topher's two best friends at church are in the other ward. Sophie's best friend is in the other ward.

I know I can still organize activities and invite people over to see them, but I'll be honest, those are not skills I readily possess.

Many of the people in the old ward assured me that we'll be a blessing to our new ward and that we'll have opportunities for growth. That may be true, but all I want is someone to mourn with me right now and let me be sad. And that's how most of the people in our position feel.

I know wards get reorganized all the time. But knowing that doesn't help much.

Tired Brain

Last night I returned home from a last minute trip to visit my brother Isaac and his wife Falisha in Idaho Falls. I planned to write up the trip and loaded a bunch of pictures into a post. And now I'm realizing that my brain is still so tired from the trip that this is all I can write at the moment.

The trip recap will need to wait for another day.

Go Go Go

I've spent every spare minute this week working on fixing up one of the rooms in our house. It's going to take several more hours before it's done. My brain and body are both complaining that I haven't rested enough this week. And the next week won't provide much relief.

I'd better sleep while I can.

Full Speed Ahead

You know those days where you seem to be running at top speed and there's little time for anything else? I've had a few weeks like that. I'm looking forward to our Easter long weekend (our spring break was eaten up by snow days) and maybe a chance to rest. Maybe.

Accidental Discovery

Bryan bought some new dish towels recently. He washed the new ones and tossed the old ones. The only problem was that we couldn't find the new towels after they were washed. We looked everywhere we could think of. Today I was in our laundry room/pantry loading the washing machine. I turned around and made a discovery. Then I took a picture and sent it to Bryan with a two word message: "Found them."

Of course. Why didn't we think to look there?

The Road to Healthy Living

The good news is that Sophie is finally on the mend. She still has a cough and a stuffy nose, but they're much better than they were. Phoebe also appears to be improving. She came home early on Wednesday because her sinuses were so angry and active, but today she was much less drippy. I'm exhausted and dragging with a dry cough, but I seem to have had the lightest case so far. Cooper only has a cough left. Bryan is dragging and may be getting sick, but has still been able to function. Peter is so busy I'm assuming he's not home enough to catch anything.

Unfortunately Topher missed school on Monday because of a fever. He came home early today because of a headache and a stomachache. I'm not even sure if he has the same thing the rest of us got or if a new strain of something has been introduced into the household.

That said, I'm cautiously optimistic that we may be heading toward better health.

Down For the Count

You know how last week I wrote that everyone was sick?

I wasn't.

And now I am.

I guess it's good that they're all at least well enough to function now, because I certainly am not.

Maybe they'll all come take care of me while I'm sick...

The Days of the Week

On Monday we had no school for the holiday.

On Tuesday everyone went to school.

On Wednesday Sophie stayed home from school because her throat hurt and she had a cough.

On Wednesday Cooper came home from school and fell asleep on the couch because he was running a fever.

On Wednesday afternoon Sophie was feeling well enough to chase Topher through the house and was told she would be attending school the next day.

On Thursday Cooper stayed home from school.

On Thursday Phoebe called home and asked to be picked up early from her rehearsal because her head hurt so much and she was coughing. She came home and slept until dinner, then fell asleep on the couch soon after dinner was over.

On Thursday Sophie had a doctor's appointment and tested negative for strep throat, COVID, and the flu. But she was diagnosed with acute bronchitis and the beginning of an ear infection and prescribed antibiotics.

On Friday Phoebe and Sophie will both be staying home from school. I have no idea what everyone else will be doing.

How's your week going?

Recharging

I discovered Cooper napping yesterday afternoon. I feel like this picture is a good representation of how the whole week has gone. We've had lots of napping, more screen time than usual, and very little is getting accomplished. We did go see a movie (Wonka) on Wednesday, but that's the only adventure we've had.

I'm not complaining, It's nice to have some downtime.

Maybe after all this resting we'll be full of energy for the new year.