Not Winnie the Pooh

When we found out we were moving to New Jersey I did some research on the area. I learned that Costco is far away, that the schools are highly rated, and that there are bears. I kind of freaked out over the bear thing. Every time the kids and I would drive somewhere I'd remind them to watch for bears. I was mostly joking, but a little bit not.

On Friday my brother and I took the kids to the park. We'd been there for about thirty minutes, Jordan and I were pushing the girls in the swings, when Cooper walked over yelling something. After repeating himself a few times I finally realized he was saying, "Bear! Bear!" I turned in the direction he was looking. A few hundred yards away was a black bear.

Now, I know that I'm not supposed to run when I see a bear, but if not for the boot I might have forgotten that and started sprinting. Instead, I pulled Sophie out of her swing and announced that it was time to go home. The boys complained, but I kept walking toward the car. As I went I called to the other families that were playing, "Just so you know, there's a bear over there." They glanced up, then went back to whatever they had been doing, apparently unbothered by the sharped-tooth omnivore nearby.

I kept my eye on the bear as I strapped Sophie into her car seat. Jordan took care of Phoebe and I walked back to the park to call the boys. The bear took no notice of us and after a few minutes, wandered back into the woods.

As we told Bryan the story later Jordan commented that I'd reacted strongly. He also said the native New Jersians acted much like Californians do during an earthquake, "Oh, is the ground shaking again? Meh."

I wondered, had I overreacted? Did the other moms at the park know something I didn't? Could it be that New Jersey black bears are unusually docile? (Recent news stories tell me otherwise.) Should we have just stayed? The bear left, after all.

And then I realized something: there was a bear. A BEAR people! I did the right thing removing my family.

I've been thinking a lot about this experience. How could the other people at the park be so relaxed
that close to a bear? Why didn't they gather their children and leave as well? I think the answer is that they're used to the bears. Bears are common here, just as earthquakes are common in California.

But just because we see something everyday, does that make it acceptable?

That got the wheels in my head turning. What about things we see on TV or movies? What about scenes or words that at first make us feel uncomfortable, but after repeated exposure become commonplace or even expected? What about pornography? What about seeing mean behavior? Rude behavior? Does repeated exposure make them more okay?

How close did the bear need to be for the other people to feel nervous? How close do we need to be to inappropriate material before we say, "This isn't okay. I need to leave." and then do so? How many times did they need to see a bear before adrenaline stopped accompanying the sight? How many times do we need to hear a word before it stops making us feel awful? Before we stop registering it at all?

To me, the black bear was an obvious threat. To the others it was no big deal.

I'm going to be on the lookout of other "bears" in my life, other things that aren't okay, but have become acceptable over time. I want to make sure that I have that same, "I need to get my children away from this" reaction that I had with the bear. And I hope I never react to a bear sighting, real or metaphorical, with apathy.