Behind the Scenes

This picture looks like we had a fun activity baking gingerbread cookies this morning.

What it doesn't show is that I was exhausted and grumpy. I was so tired that I had curled up on the floor and dozed next to Topher while he watched PJ Masks just an hour earlier. My brain was feeling fuzzy and overloaded. I suggested we bake the roll of premade gingerbread cookies that Bryan had bought as a way to make up for my grumpiness and do something fun together. But first I had to clean the kitchen and start the dishwasher and wash the cookie cutters. By the time everything was ready, Cooper, Phoebe, and Sophie were all ten minutes away from a class starting. We were rushing and I was snapping at people as I tried to give them a chance to cut out cookies in the short time that we had.

I felt like my attempt to wash away my grumpiness from earlier was failing miserably.

They cut their cookies and scurried off to their classes. That left just Topher with me as I transferred the cookie dough from the table to the sheet. The sudden quiet of the kitchen gave me a chance to breathe. Then he and I sat on the floor and watched the cookies bake through the window in the oven. By the time I took them out, I had settled down a little.

I could have just posted the picture and let you think that all was well. But that would have been a false portrayal. Real life is messier than a kitchen table with flour and cookie dough on it. It's hard to navigate exhaustion and big feelings and the needs of so many.

The day wasn't a total loss. I didn't have any grownup meltdowns, I was just extra irritable. The kids enjoyed the cookie cutting process, even if it was hurried. And they all loved having cookies to snack on in the afternoon. Maybe they'll just remember that we made cookies and have happy memories of the morning. Maybe I should try to do the same.