If I Fits, I Sits

I snapped this picture as he finished climbing in, thus capturing the moment he realized he didn't want to be there anymore. Don't worry, he was rescued immediately.

The Little Seamstress

Apparently last week's baking adventure sparked within Phoebe an interest in domesticity. A few days ago she asked for a sewing machine. Bryan and I told her that if she could learn to use my sewing machine and still wanted her own, then we would seriously think about it.

Guess what she's been doing since then?

Time Lapse Proof

Peter discovered a time lapse setting on the camera on my phone. I guess that was all the inspiration he needed to record proof that he does his chores.

The Melting Point of Sophie

Today Sophie threw a tantrum in Walmart. No, that's not true. Today Sophie threw several tantrums in Walmart. It was the first time we'd been to that store in ages. Before we left the house she asked if she could have one of the small, fifty cent cakes from the bakery. She even attached the caveat that she had to be well behaved to earn it. I agreed.

She did pretty well for the first half of the trip. She stayed with me better than usual and didn't demand to visit the public restroom when she didn't actually need to go. (Does anyone else have kids that prefer public bathrooms to those at home? Peter was the same way at her age.)

Then her good choices began to be outpaced by poor choices. I chose mercy and did my best to redirect and remind her of our deal. Finally, with her cinnamon cake in hand, we headed to the registers.

And that's when Sophie's world unraveled.

Because of long lines, we often go to the self checkout at Walmart. But our store recently installed two huge banks of self checkouts, thus freeing up space in the regular lines. I decided to go old school and have someone other than me ring up our purchases. Apparently Sophie really had her heart set on the other registers. This was the start of the first big tantrum. She plopped onto the floor, imploring me to go to the other register, then demanding.

I listened while loading our items onto the conveyor belt. I was watching Sophie and Topher out of the corner of my eye. I saw Sophie walk up to Topher as he sat in the shopping cart. Then I heard Topher cry out in pain.

I looked at Sophie and caught her "Oh that? No, that wasn't me. I didn't do anything wrong." facial expression. Then her eyes widened in realization and she hid her cake box inside her coat. I walked over and gently (or as gently as I could and still wrestle it from her tight grip) pulled the treat away from her. I handed it to the cashier and said we wouldn't be buying that.

That's when the next tantrum started.

This one was much bigger, much louder, had much higher stakes. She begged and pleaded. She squeezed Topher's feet (probably the same thing she'd done initially to make him cry out) in bursts of anger, she threatened. As I tried to pay she got between me and the counter and informed me, tears in her eyes, "Mom, if you don't give me my cake back I won't be your daughter anymore."

I assured her she would always be my daughter, no matter if she threw a tantrum or if I gave her the cake.

During this whole episode the woman ringing up our groceries made little eye contact with me. I was calm and kind to Sophie, but I didn't give in and I worried about the scene we were making. As we finished our transaction I took the receipt, said thank you, and started to walk away. Sophie refused to follow me. She stood at the end of the lane with her arms crossed defiantly over her chest, glaring. That's when I heard the cashier call me back.

"Oh, ma'am!"

I turned to her. "You forgot your pasta." She handed me a neglected grocery sack.

"Oh," I responded, "thanks. I thought you were going to say 'You forgot your five-year-old."

That's when several of the women around me burst out laughing. The two women behind me commented on how patient I was being. Another cashier commended me for not giving in. I was so relieved that they hadn't been angry or upset by the show they were witnessing.

Maybe it was that relief that helped me through the next bit when Sophie actually dropped to her belly, grabbed my ankle, cried, and refused to walk. So I slowly pushed the cart toward the door, dragging Sophie with me as I went. Maybe I should have been upset, and I had been frustrated, but the absurdity of the moment was simply too much. I laughed. Then I pulled out my phone and told her I was going to take a picture to share with Bryan.

In case you were curious, Sophie does not like documentation of her naughtiness. She jumped up and around the corner of a display. A nice employee offered to push the cart while I carried Sophie out to the car. We got as far as the online pickup window. Then it took another ten minutes of tantrum until we (sans employee) got out to the car. Then another twelve minutes (after the cart was unloaded and I was in my seat) for her to buckle in.

As we drove home I explained that she lost the cake when she hurt Topher. I told her it's fine to be mad, it's totally okay to disagree with me and to use her words to tell me so, but it is never alright to hurt someone, no matter how mad or disappointed you feel.

And you know what? We made it home. She calmed down. We had other infractions throughout the day, but we finally made it to bedtime and she fell asleep quickly. I'm so glad I kept my cool and handled the situation the way I did.

But it may a while before we go back to Walmart.

Where's Topher?

The Young Baker

We had our seventh snow day of the school year yesterday. Phoebe celebrated by baking her first solo batches of brownies and pumpkin cookies. Her efforts were enjoyed by all.

During Choir Practice

See that gray skirt in the background? That's me, directing the choir on Sunday, trusting that Peter is keeping Topher safe.

Sunshine In Winter

It warmed all the way up to a balmy 65 degrees on Friday, so we celebrated by going to the park. Unfortunately, our favorite park was locked down.

We solved that problem by finding a different park.

Enough

Our Valentine's Day was low-key, very low-key. Bryan's parents sent some goodies (thank you!) and Bryan brought some candy home from work, and we had a fun dinner of ramen bowls and potstickers. And that was the extent of it.

I felt guilty for most of the day that we didn't do more. Sophie asked where the decorations were, where the fun breakfast was. I was so tired, I was doing everything I could.

But you know what? We were all together, we were all relatively healthy, we enjoyed each other's company. And for this Valentine's Day, that's enough.

Grill

This is what Cooper's smile looked like this morning:

This is what it looks like now:

His response to having braces? "I feel like a teenager."

Charity Suffereth Long and Is Kind

With all the stress and worry and difficulty of last week, we would have been much worse off if not for some help that we received.

On Monday evening of last week I got a text from my brother that lives just a few hours away, offering to help. Then his wonderful wife sent a text saying that she didn't work the next day and that they could be at the hospital/house in three hours. At that point I had only slept for two and a half hours during the last two days, so I said yes. They drove two cars up; Leah came to the hospital and held Topher so I could sleep and Jordan came to the house to help Bryan. They were an answer to prayer.

After transporting the girls to and from dance and doing the bedtime routine so Bryan could come to the hospital, Leah drove home Tuesday night. Jordan stayed and worked remotely for the next two days. In the early hours of Wednesday morning I learned that my brother Isaac and his fantastic wife Falisha had offered to fly out from California to help. They would arrive on Thursday and Friday. That meant I just needed to get through another few days flying solo at the hospital.

Later that morning, after the sun was up, a friend from church texted and asked if she could come hold Topher so I could sleep. This was shortly after I had started pumping and was feeling a little frantic about taking care of both of us. I said yes. I did the same when four other friends made the same offer. These marvelous women came and held my baby and kept me company and made it possible for me to sleep. I don't know how I would have handled everything without these sweet ladies from church.

Isaac and Falisha have been a great help, first at home so Bryan could come to the hospital, then to me and Topher when Bryan was home with the other kids, and finally in taking care of all of us when we were home again but exhausted. They've both gotten sick while here, but continued to help anyway. They will go home today and we will miss them so much.

Our family has been blessed by so many people through these hard weeks, those that came and gave their time and those that prayed and checked on us from afar. These are the best Valentine's Day gifts we could have hoped for.

She Missed Him

Recovery

We have spent the last two days resting. Topher is still tired but so much better than he was. Sophie and Peter are both on antibiotics for double ear infections and sinus infections (plus bronchitis and pink eye for Sophie) and have more energy.

I'm still recovering from my week of very little sleep. Last night I slept for nine hours. Nine hours! It's a good indication about my level of exhaustion that I was tired again by mid-day.

Hooray for rest!

There's No Place Like It

He is home! On Saturday morning we were told that Topher was well enough to move from the PICU to the regular pediatric floor. The nurses removed the oxygen help that had been taped to his face for a week and monitored his vital stats for the night. Then, on Sunday morning, the doctor told us he looked really good and we were going home.

We are all so happy to be here.

Upswing

It was a good day. His air flow on Wednesday was all the way up to 23. Right at this moment it's at 8. That was the magic number to let him try nursing again. While the doctors were discussing if it was time to switch back, the tape on the feeding tube came loose and the tube fell out on its own. So he's nursing again! He's also playing and giggling and laughing and smiling, for short stretches in between long rests.

Shortly before he lost the feeding tube.

Hands Like Lightning

Today's excitement: Topher having enough energy to rip out his feeding tube and then getting a new one put in.

In the Right Direction

I only have a minute to write this. I've been pumping every two hours, so my time has been limited.

Topher started the day in bad shape. 

Yesterday

When the nurse came in this morning she commented that something else was going on and she thought he needed an antibiotic. She told the doctor her impressions and he agreed. He said they expected him to be getting better at that point rather than worse, so maybe there was a secondary infection. I had had the same feeling for at least a day. They gave him the antibiotic soon after.

Throughout the day he began to improve, little by little.

By bedtime he had enough energy to go back to trying to pull off the sock protecting the IV and removing the feeding tube. He's still on high flow oxygen, the feeding tube, and the IV, but he has a little twinkle in his eye too.

Thank you so much for all the texts and emails and comments. We have felt your love and your prayers. Topher's name was put on the prayer roll in at least five Temples, all because of you wonderful friends and family. Thanks you, thank you, thank you!

Tonight, with enough energy to play and turn himself sideways in the crib.

Hard

Today has been hard. We thought he was perking up yesterday and last night, but then this morning his breathing got worse and his fever came back. He hasn't had energy to stand or play or laugh or even sit up. His oxygen level is great, an improvement from Sunday, but his respiratory rate is way too high and his heart rate has gotten high too.

The doctors said he could keep nursing, as long as it didn't interfere with his breathing treatments. After his long hard day, that decision was reversed. He now has a feeding tube in his nose. I'll pump instead of nursing him and they'll use that supply in the tube. Hearing that I wouldn't be able to nurse him was really hard. And then watching (or rather listening since my eyes were closed but I was in the same room) them insert the tube into his nose as he cried finally unlocked the flood of emotions I had so tightly kept inside.

This is hard.

And scary.

Before the feeding tube.

Not Quite a Limo Ride

What we thought was croup turns out to be RSV. Last night Topher and I visited the ER of a local hospital, took a ride in an ambulance at 3:00AM, then made ourselves comfortable in the PICU of a different hospital. And we may be here the rest of the week.

Topher got to experience his first blood draw, his first IV, and his first nasal cannula. He's not loving it, but he is breathing without his chest caving in, so that's progress.

This is not how I thought this week would go.

The Health Report

Peter is feeling much better from the chicken pox. He still has spots, but they're not contagious anymore. Three of his sick days overlapped with snow days so he didn't even miss that much school.

He's recovered just in time to get croup with three of his siblings. So far Cooper isn't coughing, but the other four are. No, I don't know what's up with our immune systems this year. And did I mention that Phoebe had pink eye and Topher has it now?

And even when they're sick they still wake up before 6:30 in the morning...