Have you ever read a book that made you smile and broke your heart a little at the same time? I just finished reading Jerry Spinelli's Loser. Has anyone else read it? I almost stopped a few times because it was so hard to watch the main character, a little boy named Zinkoff, be totally oblivious to the fact that he was being mocked. And then there were golden moments that made me think and feel. I won't give anything else away about it, just in case you haven't read it.I will say that it made me think a lot about how I am as a parent. If you're reading this then you're probably well aware that I'm kind of quirky. I know that I'm passing on at least some of that off-beat gusto to my boys. Most of the time I think that's a good thing. Like yesterday, Peter "helped" me mop the kitchen and dining room floors (it had been a while since that chore was done, so it was novel for him). I would take a turn mopping a section of the floor, then he would have a chance to go over the same section of floor. When the job was done I said "Thank you so much for helping me mop the floor Peter. I really appreciate it." His reply: "You're so very welcome." That's kind of a funny thing to hear a three-year-old boy say. I beamed a bit, but later (while reading this book) I wondered if that was the kind of thing that was going to draw ridicule later on.
I want him to learn to be himself, but I also don't want him to be a victim. Are these things mutually exclusive? He's still so young and full of energy and excitement. He jumps up and down and laughs with delight when he's amused. I love that. I don't want him to decide he's too cool to be jubilant. But I also cringe at the thought of some middle-school student laughing and pointing at a twelve-year-old Peter who still jumps and laughs when he's happy.
Now I'm just thinking out loud. No, not out loud. In blog? Through keys? Whatever.
You should read this book.
5 comments:
I agree. When I first read this book, I put it down because it was depressing to me. The second time I decided to read it and push on through, and I'm glad I did. Jerry Spinelli tends to write "thinking" books and how we label people wrongly.
I think that as long as we teach our children to behave in an age appropriate way we are not doing them any disservice in encouraging them to be original. As a middle school teacher I can guarantee you that no matter how carefully we prepare our children they ARE going to be mocked and ridiculed once they get to middle school (it actually starts in 4th grade). Even the "cool" kids mock and ridicule each other as they claw their way up the social heirarchy- it's part of the process of determining self identity (recognizing and evaluating individual and group differences).
The best we can do is teach our children to not be ashamed of themselves or change who they are because of what others say, teach them to be kind to everyone even the weird kids (because you never know when it's going to go the other way, and I know we'd all hate to be the parents of the "bully"), and to encourage them to be outgoing by giving them as much age-appropriate social interaction as possible.
Sorry. That's a long comment. But having a 6 year old boy myself, this is something I think about a lot.
Can a non-parent make a comment? :) I've read a particularly good non-fiction book that deals with this that I would recommend, called Nurturing Good Children Now: 10 Basic Skills to Protect and Strengthen Your Child's Core Self, by Ron Taffel. It deals a lot with helping your child be secure in who he or she is. After reading a library copy, I bought a copy - that's how highly I thought of it.
I'll have to read this book ... and maybe "Nurturing Children" too. :-)
And I was going to say the same thing Camille said (though with less authority to back it up) -- middle school kids just make fun of others, all the time. Usually it was my "friends" that were the ones mocking me, and since I figured that's what people do to each other, I would tease them back. We all pretended like it didn't hurt but I think it did. It took a few people who seemed kind AND confident that helped me realize you don't have to be that way.
So I agree that's it most important to teach your kids to be confident in who they are, and hopefully they'll influence their kids for good rather than laying low to avoid getting made fun of. Sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job. I love the "you're welcome very much." What a sweetheart. :-)
I LOVE Jerry Spinelli. Star Girl is another great one of his, and Maniac Magee is one of my all time faves.
I actually think Peter will be one of those kids that others are drawn too. I had a friend just like that (although she was a girl) and everything made her SO happy, it was contagious. I LOVED being around her! You're a great mom though, and even if other kids make fun, you can teach about trials and that Jesus was even mocked but those who didn't understand who He was or even who they themselves were.
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