A Post-Mortem

Thanks for the comments that I got for my talk. I read the articles that you all suggested and prayed and waited for the direction of the Spirit as to how I should approach the topic. That inspiration struck at 11 o'clock on Saturday night. I finished at 2 o'clock Sunday morning. I almost started my talk by saying "This talk was brought to you today by my husband, who got up with my boys this morning so that I could sleep until almost 11." Anyway, I think it went pretty well. After I sat down I thought of all the other things that I had wanted to say, but I hope I said what they needed to hear.

I usually don't write out my talks. I practice them, and I write notes for myself so I don't get lost in what I'm saying, but this was the first time since I was in Primary that I actually wrote everything out. I think it was because I finished at such an insane hour that I felt the prompting to write it out, otherwise I never would have remembered what I was supposed to say.

I'm going to include my talk, in case you're interested in what I said. I didn't read it word for word, but I stuck fairly closely to what I had planned. It looks long, but it only took me my allotted 12 minutes to deliver it!

The Talk:

When I was 6 I decided I wanted to be a photographer. I’m not sure I even really knew what a photographer did, but it sounded cool. This interest lasted until the Christmas that I was 10. That year I got something I had been asking for for years: a camera. I took pictures of my brothers, my sister, my mom, my dad and our cat. After developing the first roll of film I discovered something important: I had no natural talent when it came to taking pictures.

Then when I was 15 I decided I wanted to be a high school drama teacher. I had been doing theatre for almost 10 years and felt more than qualified to teach my drama classes. Most of that was pride, but I did some have some natural talent in that area. When I went to BYU, I studied Theatre Education. I even have a pretty white paper with a big official seal hanging on our office wall that says I’m a college graduate and qualified to teach. But after 6 years of college, I wasn’t ready to jump back into a classroom.

I don’t remember the moment that it happened, but sometime in that 6 years I decided that I wanted to be a mom. I had always wanted to be a mom, but I had thought of it as an “and”. “I want to be photographer and a mom.” “I want to be a drama teacher and a mom.” I came to a point where I just wanted to be a mom, no and. This was at least a few years before our first son was born.

In the General Relief Society Broadcast in 2001 Sheri Dew said “Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” 3—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, 4 righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood… It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us. (Sheri L. Dew, “Are We Not All Mothers?,” Ensign, Nov 2001, 96)

I felt like I was ready to take on that role of motherhood, but my schedule of events was not the same as the Lord’s. Sister Dew also talked about this. “For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother.” I don’t mean to mislead you, our wait was not that long compared to many others, but it seemed long at the time. Peter was born almost 4 and ½ years after Bryan and I were married. He came when he was supposed to. And I am so thankful for him and for Cooper who was born a year ago. Being a mom is the best job that I have ever had. It brings me so much joy.

But because there is opposition in all things, being a mother is also hard. I am almost always tired. My mind is rarely still. I worry about my children’s safety, their development, their future. And I feel the weight of the responsibility of motherhood.

In 1987 President Ezra Taft Benson spoke to the women of the church. He titled his talk “To the Mothers in Zion”. Think about that phrase: to the Mothers in Zion. How are they different from the mother’s of the world? What do they know that other mothers don’t? What does it mean to be a mother in Zion?

Six years before speaking to the women of the church about being mothers in Zion, President Benson said, “Since the beginning, her role has been to teach her children eternal gospel principles. She is to provide for her children a haven of security and love—regardless of how modest her circumstances might be.”

Did you catch those two things? A mother in Zion teaches her children eternal gospel principles and provides a haven of security and love.

In her talk Mother’s That Know from the October 2007 General Conference Sister Julie B. Beck said, “Mothers who know are always teachers. Since they are not babysitters, they are never off duty. A well-taught friend told me that he did not learn anything at church that he had not already learned at home. His parents used family scripture study, prayer, family home evening, mealtimes, and other gatherings to teach. Think of the power of our future missionary force if mothers considered their homes as a pre–missionary training center. Then the doctrines of the gospel taught in the MTC would be a review and not a revelation. That is influence; that is power.”

When Peter was a small baby I went to the Distribution Center and bought The Book of Mormon Reader that the church produced, the comic-book version of the scriptures. I read it to Peter every day. Sometimes we would only get through one panel. Sometimes we would read three chapters. Over time I bought the picture readers for the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the Doctrine and Covenants. I have no idea how many times we’ve read each one, because each time we finish, we go pull another one off the shelf and start again. Peter and Cooper know that one of the things we do while we eat breakfast is read the scriptures. We have missed days, and those tend to be harder than the days that we make time to read the scriptures together. I’ve noticed that I have more patience and compassion when we’ve had our breakfast-time scripture study. One of the most exciting things for me is the look of recognition in Peter’s eyes when someone speaks in Sacrament Meeting about a story that we have read recently. He’ll turn to me and say, “Mom, he said Lehi, like in our scriptures.”

From his talk To the Mothers in Zion, President Benson said, “…Take time to teach your children… A mother’s love and prayerful concern for her children are her most important ingredients in teaching her own… This is the Lord’s way of teaching… Your children will remember your teachings forever, and when they are old, they will not depart from them.”

So a mother in Zion teaches her children. She also creates a haven of safety and love. In fact, those two things go hand in hand. I teach my children because I love them and want them to be safe. I also hold them and read to them and sing with them. And I tell them whenever I think of it that I love them.

We have been trying to teach Peter the importance of listening when we call him. This past week we have started a new practice. When we call his name he is supposed to stop what he’s doing, look at us, and say “What Mommy?” or “What Daddy?” depending on who’s calling him. This also helps us stay calm because we know we have his attention. I realized during the first day that every time we called his name it was to ask him to do something or to tell him to stop doing whatever he was doing. His listening skills were decreasing and so was my patience. So the next time I got his attention the exchange went like this,

“Peter?”

“What Mommy?”

“I love you.”

He was so delighted that I wasn’t scolding him that his face lit up with a smile. He looked at me and said,

“Mommy?”

I played along and said, “What Peter?”

“I love you too.”

Tell your children that you love them. Show them you love them by making them a priority in your life. Blessings of peace and joy will come to you because of it.

I would add one more aspect to being a mother in Zion. You are never alone. You can have the companionship of the Holy Ghost. I don’t know what I would do without the promptings that come daily about what my boys need. You also have a Bishopric, a Relief Society Presidency, Home Teachers, and Visiting Teachers who are ready and willing to help. Most importantly, we can turn to Jesus Christ. Barbara Thompson, Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency said, “Christ has suffered everything we could possibly imagine. He knows how we feel. He understands. He will help.”

President Hinckley said, “I remind mothers everywhere of the sanctity of your calling. No other can adequately take your place. No responsibility is greater, no obligation more binding than that you rear in love and peace and integrity those whom you have brought into the world.”

I have no diploma to prove that I can be a mom. I did not attend classes on how to have patience when you haven’t showered in three days and only slept for two hours. Even without those I know that this is my job. I know that I was set-apart before I came to this earth to be a mother, as were all women. Mothers, teach your children. Love them. Know that you are never alone.

A final thought from Sister Dew: “Never has there been a greater need for righteous mothers—mothers who bless their children with a sense of safety, security, and confidence about the future, mothers who teach their children where to find peace and truth and that the power of Jesus Christ is always stronger than the power of the adversary. Every time we build the faith or reinforce the nobility of a young woman or man, every time we love or lead anyone even one small step along the path, we are true to our endowment and calling as mothers and in the process we build the kingdom of God. No woman who understands the gospel would ever think that any other work is more important or would ever say, “I am just a mother,” for mothers heal the souls of men.”

Motherhood is not an “and”. It is not a “just”. I leave my testimony that these things are true, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.