I was thinking today about the good old days. I fondly remember how Peter wanted to potty-train last year, how he hated wearing diapers, how excited he was whenever he successfully used the bathroom.
I've been pondering on that time because he's not doing any of those things now. No, that's not true. He's mostly excited when he uses the toilet, but that's only after an extreme tantrum and wrestling match have taken place to sit him upon the porcelain throne. You see, I've decided that I'm ready. I'm ready to have Peter out of diapers. And I think he is too. I think he's physically ready. He sometimes wakes-up in the morning with a dry diaper. I think he's developmentally ready. He understands the process and knows how to make everything work.
The problem is that he doesn't want to. I'm not sure if it's that he doesn't want to be interrupted with whatever he's doing or if he just doesn't care. On Thursday of last week I dutifully put Pull-Ups on him and set the timer, telling him that when the microwave beeped then it would be time to use the bathroom. He was game for most of the day. Toward afternoon it took a little more prodding to get him to go, but he was still trying. Then at about 5 o'clock he announced that he was done, he wouldn't be using the bathroom again until Monday. I told him I didn't think he could hold it that long. He looked at me confidently and said, "Oh, I can."
I know I should have tried again the next day, but because Friday is our shopping day, I didn't insist that he go as regularly. On Saturday, Sunday, and Monday we would prompt Peter regularly to go use the bathroom, but each reminder was rebuffed. On Monday night while I was getting him ready for bed I told him that when he woke the next day he would wear underwear. He told me he would not.
On Tuesday I dutifully got the thick underwear out of the top drawer and let Peter pick which color he would wear. He chose red and blue stripes. Then, after having him use the bathroom, I set the timer. He was willing the first two times, but after that he flat out refused. But I had put real underwear on him, not a Pull-Up, I was committed. And darn it, he and I are both much too stubborn for our own good, so whenever the timer beeped I cheerfully told him that it was time to use the bathroom. He would defiantly tell me no and then, when I persisted, he would flail and scream and hit and kick and do other unwelcome things to express his displeasure over the situation.
He told me on Tuesday that he would NEVER potty-train.
I can't figure out why though. Why is he so against this? I know that you're supposed to follow the lead of the child, but I'm afraid that he'll never lead.
Any advice? Thoughts? Has anyone potty-trained a remarkably headstrong and independent child? Or known anyone that has? Or maintained their sanity in the process?
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4 comments:
Luke is very independent and stubborn. Potty training him took about 6 months. I'm no expert, but here's what I learned -
1. Don't expect instant success.
2. Don't make it into a fight. This is really hard not to do if your child doesn't want to go. With Luke, I had to bribe him or make it into a game. If I was pleading or yelling at him to go, it didn't work. In fact, at one point the pleading and fighting got so bad that I just stopped for 2 weeks.
3. Peer pressure works wonders. It was amazing how he instantly wanted to use the toilet once we invited his potty trained friends over to play.
4. I had to play mind games with Luke to get him to think that going potty in the toilet was HIS idea.
Yeah, I hate potty training. I read the "No Cry Potty Training Solution" and that helped too.
I don't have much experience myself but I had a guy, when I was hugely pregnant with Sam, come up to me in a store and tell me that making potty training a game was the best way to do it. He said to use cheerios and have them aim for the cheerios in the toilet. I also have another friend who knew her son could do it if he wanted to and just decided that he'd do it when he wanted to. She had underpants ready and pulled them out so he could see them, offered rewards and all that stuff but he showed no interest until just before he turned 4. And then one day he was potty trained with no accidents ever. So although I have no experience yet, I hope this helps!!! Good luck!!!
Andrei didn't potty train until after 3 because he was in daycare up until then and his biological mother was too tired to try when she picked him up at night. I took over when he was 3 b/c I was sick of buying and changing diapers.
The first week was h-e-double hockey sticks. We tried the timer and the treats and the positive encouragement, etc. He had some success, but was too stubborn to really want to go for it if a more convenient alternative was available (aka diapers and pull-ups).
After that, I was sick of the power struggle, the tantrums, and the melt-downs, so I just hid the pull-ups until it was bed-time, threw out the diapers and told him he could either use underpants or go commando, but that if he had an accident he was responsible for it.He ran around bare-butt for 2 days and didn't believe me about the clean-up until I handed him the stuff to clean up the spot he made on the floor next to the tv (obviously I cleaned most of it up, but I did make him scrub for a good 30 seconds before I took over).
Harsh? Yes. Effective? Yes.
The thing is, he is possibly the MOST stubborn, ill-tempered toddler I've ever seen, and the only punishments or negative consequences that work on him are natural consequences... For him to learn something he has to feel it in a very direct way, and for the record I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't absolutely sure he was physically and emotionally ready to handle it (as I mentioned before, I was pretty sure it was just a convenience issue for him, which is why I took the approach I did).
The only lessons that anyone can really learn from my potty training experience is that I'm a really mean mom...
but hey. The kid was totally potty trained in 2 weeks.
You know your kid better than anyone else, and when he's ready you'll know what to do.
I used the "potty training in a day" method, and it took me 2 weeks, but my son was only 26 months and very easy going. But I would recommend something like that for you that is VERY high in rewards, and giving him lots of fluids to increase the need to go. It also includes a doll that you give treats and rewards to as well, maybe seeing what rewards he will get may encourage him. Good luck! I think potty training was the hardest thing I've had to do so far, and I think I had it easy. :)
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