Overheard

"You don't mess with six-year-olders! And I'm six!" -Sophie, after which she plunged after the big brother she was addressing to show she meant it.

He's Advanced

One Day at a Time

Thank you to everyone who responded to my plea for help in knowing how to help my family deliberately practice kindness. We had a good family home evening last Tuesday night and I used some of the examples and ideas that you suggested. After discussing what our specific issues were, we decided to focus on one aspect of kindness at a time, so that our practice is more concentrated.

This week we practiced listening. We worked on listening to understand what the other person was saying, not just to respond or make our own point heard. None of us did it perfectly, but they would hear and adjust when I gave gentle reminders.

Yesterday was actually pretty calm. We made some changes to how we're doing school and that helped. But I think the biggest difference is that we've been exercising our listening skills. We didn't change our goal at Family Home Evening last night, so we have another week of listening practice ahead of us.

Quarantine Week Six: The Pictures

The One-Room Schoolhouse

Hello From The Outside

I went outside yesterday. Twice.

Once was to the mailbox with Topher and the girls to send out some postcards Phoebe had written to her classmates as part of an organized pen pal project. It was a short walk, but appreciated by all. Topher asked to wear shoes and announced, "I walk self." I held his hand while he walked. He didn't want to come back inside and tried to put on shoes again later in the day as he headed for the front door.

The second jaunt outside was during Topher's nap to help Sophie complete her Earth Day scavenger hunt for social studies and practice throwing a ball overhand for gym. Cooper came with us that time and ran after the ball each time it went rolling down the hill toward the street.

Outside is nice, maybe I'll go there again someday.

The Fake Out

Practice What You Preach

I was listening to a book sometime last week (or the week before maybe?) and a phrase caught my attention.

"Practice kindness."

I've heard those two words stuck together before and my brain registered it to mean doing kind things for people. But this time a different meaning occurred to me.

When you want to improve at something, what do you do? You practice. My kids practice piano (sometimes) and math and reading. I spend time on this blog practicing my writing. And we know from research that deliberate practice yields much higher results than half-hearted, begrudging practice.

But how often to we deliberately practice being kind?

That's what I heard this time when the phrase "practice kindness" was said. The inspiration that came in that moment was strong. It said that my family needs to deliberately practice kindness. Because, unfortunately, we aren't doing so well at being kind right now.

I would love to blame the fighting and name-calling and critical words and judgement and hypocrisy and pride on being stuck inside a townhouse together for over five weeks. And maybe that's why it feels so overwhelming and concentrated right now. But the truth of it is that we've had these issues for a long time. Some of us have trained our brains to see the negative to the point that happy, good, uplifting things are not even acknowledged. We have practiced negativity and we're reaping the rewards.

Now, that doesn't mean that every moment is awful. But when a friend recently texted me how thankful she was for this extra time at home with her family because of how strong their relationships were becoming, I almost cried. That is not the experience we are having. Many days I feel like a broken record as I respond to the choices around me. "Please, just find a way to be kind, please."

That is why "practice kindness" struck such a chord with me.

I talked to Bryan about this on Saturday night, then introduced this idea to our kids at the end of our church lessons on Sunday and challenged them to think of ways that our family can practice kindness. I told them we would discuss it during Family Home Evening. Then, yesterday morning during our family scripture study we read Mosiah 4:13-15:

13 And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably, and to render to every man according to that which is his due.14 And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.15 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

I pointed out the importance of what we were reading for our situation. I was so excited to revisit those verses and make a plan last night for FHE to help us be kind. Then yesterday turned into an awful day. Really, really bad. I made the decision to postpone Family Home Evening by one day, to tonight. I could tell that we would not have receptive hearts and minds last night.

In spite of not having our official family council, I still asked the kids if they had thought of any concrete ideas to help us practice kindness. I was able to talk one on one with a few of them and hopefully keep their brains working on this topic.

What do you think? How do you practice kindness in your life? How do you teach and encourage your families to be kind, even when they're tired and stressed and would rather be mean? What council do you have for us as we make a plan to deliberately practice kindness?

Quarantine Week Five: The Pictures

Formal Friday

Visual Testimony

On Sunday, while we watched the Easter broadcast from church, the kids asked if they could draw. I said yes, as long as they didn't talk and whatever they drew had to go along with the meeting.

This was Cooper's offering. I love it.

Easter at Home

For Easter this year we had church at home and read The Living Christ aloud. Then we watched a YouTube Live broadcast of an Easter program from our church congregation. Our family had been asked to provide a musical number, but I couldn't get enough willing participants to make it work. It pained me to say no, but the Spirit whispered that another family needed the opportunity more than we did. I suggested their name to the woman in charge of the music. She said they'd been asked to sing in church in the past and had said no, but she would try again. This time they said yes and did a beautiful job.

In between our family meeting and our YouTube meeting I ushered the kids into the library and snapped as many pictures as I could in a few minutes. I love these Christmas and Easter pictures of the kids, I feel like it's a good time to see how everyone is growing. I love the people in the pictures too.

After church we had quiet time and I continued with my food prep. Bryan and I split up the culinary responsibilities. We had a delicious meal of ham (Bryan), roasted potatoes (Bryan), sauteed asparagus (Bryan), cottage cheese/strawberry/jello salad (me), deviled eggs (both), rolls (me), carrot cake (me), and apple crisp (me). The two desserts aren't pictured, but the cake made an appearance in Monday's post.

Before dinner we had a small Easter egg hunt inside our house. Peter had the honor of hiding the plastic eggs, then Bryan hid a bunch of little chocolate bunnies and eggs so Peter would have something to find as well. The kids all had a great time looking, especially Topher. He figured out right away what he was supposed to do. The kids all pooled their loot and we split it amongst them, which meant no one fought over not getting enough eggs. We also cobbled together little goody bags from what we had on hand and a few items Bryan was able to find at Costco the day before. We made the mistake of presenting these before dinner, but then asking the kids to wait until after dinner to eat them. That is torture to a boy who is not quite two. Topher ended up eating a little dinner and a few Oreos while everyone else finished their meal.

The kids were so excited about the candy that no one wanted carrot cake or apple crisp. They were both pretty healthy because of how I sweetened them, so I let the kids eat them for breakfast the next morning. They all thought that was a genius idea.

We were all filled on Easter, both physically and spiritually.

A Shift in Perspective

After last week I took Saturday easy. Sort of. I told Bryan that I wanted to spend time baking in preparation for Easter, so I spent several hours in the kitchen while he kept the kids alive. Baking all day doesn't sound easy, and it wasn't, but it was a treat for me since I love to bake. Then, after the kids were all in bed, I kept working in the kitchen and I listened to a wonderful book, Grace Where You Are by Emily Belle Freeman.

It had been on my list of books to read the week before Easter, but with the stress I was feeling I hadn't made it a priority. Then, during a conversation last week, my mom asked if I'd read it. That sent up a flag in my head, "Oh, this must be important, make time for it."

So I did. And it was exactly what I needed to calm my heart and my head. Our Easter was really nice, in part because I had prepared myself spiritually by reading this book.

I was surprised to see Phoebe's comment on yesterday's post. (She comments now, which I think is delightful.) She said that last week was a good week. Wow, was it? Thanks to her perspective, and some pondering of my own, I'm now able to look back and see the good parts of last week that accompanied the difficult.

Quarantine Week Four: The Pictures

Name Them One By One

This week has been hard. 

Tempers are running short, patience is running thin, stubborn refusal to do chores and schoolwork has been abundant. Cooper was up until 11 one night and 10 the next finishing the schoolwork that's only supposed to take two hours. Peter discovered today that he's not been checking the right places online for his assignments and he's missed several. Sophie switches between loving what we're doing for school and telling me how awful and stupid the work is. Phoebe is pretty self-sufficient, but is really missing her friends.

I'm feeling four weeks of no rest or break. Four weeks of only leaving the house a handful of times. Four weeks of getting almost no exercise and very little sleep. Four weeks of being "on" all the time for my job. Four weeks of incredible stress and worry. Four weeks of kids fighting with each other and with me while I work so hard to be the peacemaker. I feel it as a crushing heaviness in my chest. I feel it as a tightening of my breathing, my asthma on alert.

Yesterday the word came down from the Governor that our kids won't be going back to school during this academic school year. We weren't surprised, but we were sad. This means no volleyball team or engineering team competition to Alabama for Peter. My kids all had really exceptional teachers this year and I'm sad they won't be able to benefit from being in their classrooms anymore.

So, as is my habit, I've been working hard to find the positives: 

• I am thankful that we're all home.
• I'm thankful that we have food to eat.
• I'm thankful that Bryan can work from home.
• I'm thankful that Bryan has a job.
• I would prefer setting my kids' curriculum myself, but I'm thankful that I have the ability to teach what the teachers have set. 
• I'm thankful that we have enough electronic devices for everyone to do school at the same time.
• I'm thankful that we have enough bandwidth for everyone to be online at the same time.
• I'm thankful that we established chore charts and daily expectations several years ago so the house keeps running.
• I'm thankful that today starts our four-day weekend Spring Break. 
• I'm thankful that I've got fourteen years of experience as a stay-at-home parent so this isn't completely new territory for me. 
• I'm thankful we are all still healthy. 
• I'm thankful that we can sleep in instead of rushing to the bus every morning.
• I'm thankful for Bryan's mom for giving me a sewing machine when I graduated from BYU in 2004, even though I had absolutely no idea how to use it at the time.
• I'm thankful that I've learned to sew so I can make face masks for my family.
• I'm thankful for video calls to helps us feel connected to family and friends.
• I'm thankful that we have a vast home library.
• I'm thankful that we're in this house at this time and have more room than in any previous house.
• I'm thankful that Bryan and I both are good cooks.
• I'm thankful that we have more time to study scriptures as a family.

I'm thankful for the messages that came from Conference last weekend. The talks that spoke to my soul were from Bonnie H. Cordon, Quentin L. Cook, Dale G. Renlund, Neil L. Andersen, and especially Jeffery R. Holland. His talks always go right to my heart. The most profound quote for me came near the end: 

We pray for those who have lost loved ones in this modern plague, as well as for those currently infected or at risk. We certainly pray for those who are giving such magnificent healthcare. When we have conquered it—and we will—may we be equally committed to freeing the world from the virus of hunger and freeing neighborhoods and nations from the virus of poverty. May we hope for schools where students are taught—not terrified they will be shot—and for the gift of personal dignity for every child of God, unmarred by any form of racial, ethnic, or religious prejudice.Undergirding all of this is our relentless hope for greater devotion to the two greatest of all commandments: to love God by keeping His counsel and to love our neighbors by showing kindness and compassion, patience and forgiveness. These two divine directives are still—and forever will be—the only real hope we have for giving our children a better world than the one they now know.

On Saturday night President Russell M. Nelson asked us to hold a worldwide fast today, Good Friday. He asked that we fast "that the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized." We are adding our faith to that fast. 

This week has been hard. But I have hope for better times ahead.

The Little Engineer

Topher loves trains. He spends big chunks of his day building train tracks, then driving trains up and down those tracks. I took this video a few weeks ago when I first realized he had the coordination needed to attach one track to the next.

Not a Card Sharp

"I call this The Drunk Man Baby Shuffle." -Cooper, showing off his card shuffling technique during a game of Uno.

Quarantine Week Three: The Pictures