What a Lovely Bow

Sophie did a beautiful job at her violin recital on Saturday. She played I See the Light from Tangled as a solo and Amazing Grace in a trio with her friend and their teacher. I'm so thankful for good music teachers!

Sing Out Strong

I was in charge of singing time this past Sunday. We were practicing songs for our upcoming Primary Program. After singing through a verse, a nine-year-old girl raised her hand and said she could hear me singing more than she could hear the Primary kids singing. I agreed and asked them if they thought they could sing louder than me without yelling. I told them that might be tricky because I'm exceptionally loud.

They accepted that challenge and ran with it.

I love that her observation did more to get the other kids to sing loud than me just asking ever could have. Yay for simple, unplanned teaching moments.

Keep the Commandments

Bryan was in charge of Primary in our house last Sunday. At the conclusion he used the coloring page that came in the manual for that week. This is what it looks like:

Bryan gave Sophie and Topher instructions to color the hearts one color, the commandments another color, and the footsteps a third color, then he started working on lunch. After they'd been coloring for a little bit Topher let out a sigh of frustration and said, "Ugh! There are too many commandments! I'm tired of commandments!"

Oh boy.

Love Your Neighbor

Tonight for Family Home Evening, as a way to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr day, we read I am Martin Luther King, Jr and discussed how relevant Dr. King's message and work are today. I told them that our country is not as safe as it should be for people of color, even so many years after the Civil Rights movement. The kids asked good, hard questions. I cried multiple times as I tried to get through the book, because the message is so close to my heart.

I concluded the lesson by asking them what Jesus taught about how we should treat our neighbors.

"Love them," they said.

"And who is your neighbor?"

"Everyone."

My Brain Hurts

We made it through the first day.

We got up reasonably early at 7am, though much too late if we'd been rushing to catch the bus. I made blueberry muffins and we turned on the computers around 9:30. The first two days are called Onboarding, they're all about how to use the software that the school uses for assignments and assessments. I read that it would be good for me to sit with each child and watch all the tutorials with them.

This did not happen.

After getting everyone set up and realizing that there simply weren't enough hours in the day, I let the older three work independently (except for the occasional question) while I sat with Sophie. And by sat with, I really mean ran around chasing Topher while listening to the instructional videos and coming back to read whatever wasn't in video format. She's a strong enough reader that she could read most of it, but there were a few words that she needed help with.

Topher seemed extra energetic today, probably because I couldn't shadow him like usual. He made it all the way upstairs twice today. I don't think that's ever happened before. Both times I found him snuggled in Peter's bed, surrounded by stuffed animals. I think he was out of my sight for maybe thirty seconds? That kid is fast.

From all the research I've done, once this onboarding is done, school will be much more fun. I sure hope so.

Hot Air

In preparing for our Sunday School/Primary lesson last Sunday I felt strongly that we needed to talk about the forgiveness section of the material. Our reading for the week taught that God will forgive as often as we repent and that we need to forgive as well. This is something our fiery, justice-loving bunch needs to keep relearning.

I brainstormed and internet-searched for a good object lesson. I came across several that would have been fine, but wouldn't quite communicate what I wanted to teach. Then, shortly before we were supposed to start church, I found an object lesson that sparked another idea.

After we had had a good discussion about the chapters that we read last week, which included forgiveness, I pulled out a balloon that hadn't yet been inflated. I asked them what happens when we choose not to forgive. They said your heart would get hard and you would be grumpy and you wouldn't hear the Spirit. I told them that was all true.

Then I started to blow up the balloon.

When it was still fairly small I told them that not forgiving is called holding a grudge, and that when we hold a grudge we give space in our heart and our thoughts for whatever has hurt us. Sometimes the grudge is small, but the more attention we give it, the bigger it gets, and the more space it takes up. I said that when we decide not to forgive we put energy into the grudge.

Then I blew the balloon up even more.

I kept blowing and blowing until it was really big. I told them that we have a few choices when someone is unkind to us. My original goal to demonstrate the first option had been to blow it up until it popped, but as I got closer and closer to that point everyone (Bryan included) got really anxious. So, instead of popping it, I talked about what it would be like if the balloon did pop, how shocking and messy it would be. Then I said that sometimes we give so much space to the grudge that our feelings pop like a balloon and we lash out at whoever happens to be closest to us whether or not it's the person that caused us the pain in the first place. We talked about a few real life examples where that's happened in our own house. And we all agreed that we didn't like that solution.

The second option required Peter's help. I'm not good at getting balloons to make that high pitched squeaking sound that happens when you let the air out slowly, but Peter is a pro. That's how this picture that I shared on Monday came to be.

I said that you can decide to forgive, but then keep complaining about the wrong that happened to you to everyone around you. It's like the balloon letting out a little air at a time. It'll finally deflate, but it's pretty painful for everyone around you while it's happening. The kids thought this was hilarious. I had warned Bryan that the lesson was going to get loud, so he removed himself to another part of the house for that bit of teaching.

I retrieved the balloon back from Peter and I blew it back up to its full size. Then I said that a third option would be to just let go of the grudge or the hurt and forgive. And with that I let go of the balloon and the kids squealed with delight as it zipped around the room, growing smaller and smaller as it flew. 

Then I handed out balloons to all but Topher and I told everyone to blow up their balloon but to not tie it off. Almost everyone followed the directions and the one that didn't handed their full balloon to Topher to enjoy while they tried again with a new balloon.

I instructed them to think of something they were upset about, something maybe they hadn't been fully forgiving over. Then I told them that when they let go of the balloon they would let go of the hurt. And they did. Our balloons went flying.

Until I taught the lesson I wasn't sure what I was going to say about forgiveness, just that it was important. But it's true. We can choose to feed the beast of hurt, the grudge monster, by focusing on it and filling our minds and hearts with it, like a balloon filling with air. We can complain loudly about it, and slowly get over it, and sometimes the hurt is so big and so deep that we have to use this approach to work through all the pain and confusion we've experienced. But sometimes, often, we have the opportunity to take that offense and simply let it go. I'm going to try to make this last choice more often.

The One-Room Schoolhouse

To Guide Us In These Latter-days

Because church is canceled, we had a lovely, very spiritual Sacrament Meeting and Sunday School/Primary lesson on Sunday in our home. Peter prepared the Sacrament, Bryan blessed it, Cooper passed it. They were all so careful and reverent. My heart swelled with joy watching them each serve our family in those ways.

The girls all played a roll as well. Sophie gave our opening prayer, Phoebe shared the third Article of Faith, and I taught the lesson. Peter and Cooper also shared their testimonies of specific topics and everyone participated in the lesson. Topher wanted to share as well, so he stood at the front of the room while Cooper spoke. 

We had planned to take an hour for all of it, but we ended up going closer to an hour and a half, only stopping because Topher needed to take a nap. When I finished my lesson I asked if the kids could feel the Spirit in our home. His presence was strong.

In all of this chaos and uncertainty, I keep going back to a few important points. We've been prepared for this for years. For as long as I can remember the leaders of the Church have counseled us to have food storage on hand in case of an emergency. I have dedicated space in my basement for that food. Additionally, we've been practicing home-centered church for over a year now, ever since President Nelson announced that we needed to realign how we worshiped. Our current experience might have been much more overwhelming if we hadn't already been having several small church lessons each week as a family.

I have a testimony that we have a living Prophet on the earth today. He is inspired. Our family is much more prepared for this pandemic than we might otherwise have been because we listened to and followed his counsel.

Calling In Sick

On Saturday one of my children flopped into a chair and announced they couldn't do their chores because they had PTSD as a result of me asking them to mop the kitchen floor.

We had words about what PTSD actually is and what it is not.

They mopped the floor.

I'm Gonna Knock You Out

A few weeks ago I was reminding the kids that it is not okay to hit anyone. They pointed out that it was allowed if someone was trying to kidnap them. Yes, I conceded, then hitting and yelling and kicking were all acceptable. That's when Sophie mentioned her friend Gemma, who is smaller than Sophie and a year and a half her senior.

"But if Gemma tried to kidnap me I wouldn't punch her in the face, because I think that would ruin our friendship."

I think several aspects of that scenario would do harm to a friendship, but I'm glad she's trying to think through the consequences of her actions.

Read My Words

I was recently called to teach Peter's Sunday School class. They're a talkative, active bunch. On Sunday our lesson was about journals. I decided to begin by reading a few selections from the blog since it doubles as my journal. (I do have a separate journal as well, but it gets very little of my attention.) 

On Saturday night I sorted through old posts, looking for stories and experiences that would speak to the ten tweens and teens that I would be teaching. After an hour of review, I had eight pages of possibilities. I ended up only using three of them. After the lesson I was reminded about how much I'd like to print the blog, a goal that I've had since the beginning but has been pushed aside for more urgent projects.

Then last night for Family Home Evening, Peter, who was teaching the lesson about the Holy Ghost, asked to use one of the stories I'd read in Sunday School. Again I thought that I finally need to have a physical copy of these words.

My lesson included this quote from President Henry B. Eyring:

I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done... The years have gone by. My boys are grown men. And now and then one of them will surprise me by saying, “Dad, I was reading in my copy of the journal about when …” and then he will tell me about how reading of what happened long ago helped him notice something God had done in his day.

Not everything I post is a spiritual experience, but many are, and all are things I want to remember. And I want my children to remember. That means I need to make these words available to them.

I guess I know what my next big project will be.

Do It Right

I've been pondering the needs of our little family and possible goals for the coming year. I keep coming back to this scripture from Moroni 7:45, the last book of the Book of Mormon:

And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

I think we need to display this prominently somewhere in our house.

The other quote that keeps coming to me is from Spencer W. Kimball:

Do it. Do it right. Do it right now.

I'm thinking these should be our new family scripture and family motto.

Taking Charge

A few days ago, frustrated by the shenanigans of a sibling, Phoebe made a behavior chart just like the one her teacher uses at school. Her intent was that we would use it at home to discourage hooliganism. She prodded me to employ it, often while I was in the middle of something else, but she didn't want to wait for me to catch on to her new system. So she took to telling the other kids to move their own clips.

They have been surprisingly compliant.

Have I mentioned that Phoebe's latest career aspiration is Kindergarten teacher?

The Writing on the Wall, Er, Piano

I heard Miss Sophie playing the piano in the library yesterday. After a nice long concert, I walked in to check on her and discovered that she was pounding on the keys, a pink pen in one hand and a pencil in the other.

She and I spent time scrubbing the keys, and the screen, and the controls. The pencil came off, but my keyboard is still tattooed pink.

When she realized that the outcome of her manner of making music made me sad, she consoled me with a tight hug and "I sorry Mama, I so sorry."

Listen While You Work

I went Visiting Teaching today after the kids were done with their morning swimming lessons. My companion wouldn't be joining us, so the responsibility of scheduling the visit and sharing a spiritual message fell to me. As is so often the case in my life, too many other items ( and people) demanded my attention and I didn't begin to prepare my message until we were driving from the pool to the home of the sister I was going to visit.

I found the lesson for this month in my LDS library app on my phone. As we pulled out of our parking place at the city pool, the lesson started to play over the speakers of the car. My kids have developed amazing talents for blocking out sounds, mainly by talking over the top of them. That's what they did during my lesson prep. I called to the back of the van several times for them to be quiet, sometimes I was calm, sometimes not so much.

They finally listened and Cooper realized what I was doing.

Cooper: Mom? What are you listening to? (pause of understanding) Is this for Visiting Teacher? (to Peter in the back seat) She's cheating! I can't believe she's cheating! Mom, this is cheating.

Phoebe: (in a voice full of experience) Oh no Cooper, she does this all the time.

Two Weeks, Two Boys, Two Talks

Both of our boys had the opportunity to give talks in Primary the last two weeks, first Peter, then Cooper. Bryan and I brainstormed about the subject with Peter, then left the talk writing up to him. After a Sunday morning full of encouraging, reminding, cajoling, pleading, choosing to laugh instead of yell at his complete refusal to even acknowledge what his talk was supposed to be about, he finally wrote it while sitting in Sacrament Meeting.

The boys had the same topic. Here's Peter's talk:

The Mission of the Church is to bring people to Christ

When Jesus was on the earth he created the Church. The Sixth Article of Faith says 

We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.

Apostles and Prophets are witnesses of Jesus Christ who receive revelation and hold the Priesthood keys. The Priesthood is the power of God that is used for blessing Heavenly Father's children and performing ordinances that allow us to return to Heavenly Father. The Fifth Article of Faith says

We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof. 

It means that a Prophet that has been called of God can give the Priesthood to someone who is worthy. We need the Priesthood to get missionaries. Missionaries are young men and women who spread the gospel across the earth. The mission of the church is to have everyone a member of the Church. Church helps us prepare for Jesus Christ to come again. I bear my testimony that I know these things are true and in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Cooper's talk was the result of a discussion he and I had, then a subsequent interview Bryan conducted with him. I asked Bryan how much of the talk was Cooper's and he said, "The words were his, I just typed and asked questions."

The Mission of the Church is to Invite All People to Come Unto Christ

My talk today is about the mission of the Church is to invite all people to come unto Christ. To invite someone means to ask them if they would like to go somewhere. If you invite someone to church, you can invite anybody that you want. You should be a friend to the person you want to invite. The best way to invite someone to church is to ask them if they would like to go with you. You should be respectful and kind when you ask.

When you invite someone to go to church, the person getting asked gets to decide if they go or not. If they say no, you should still be their friend. You can say “maybe we can go another day” because they might want to go later.

When your friend decides to go to church, they might wonder what we do at church. You can show them that people sit nicely and calmly and listen to the speaker. Then in primary you can show them lessons about Jesus Christ, and sing songs and play games to learn about Jesus. You should help them feel welcome in Primary so they’ll be happy they came and will want to come back.

Once your friend has come to church, invite them again! We want everyone to be able to return to live with Jesus and be happy.

This is my testimony that I know the Church is true, that Heavenly Father loves us, and wants us to be happy. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

What Are Your Weekend Plans?

I'll be spending ten hours listening to the divinely inspired leaders of my church, being spiritually strengthened and renewed, and feeling the Holy Ghost. This is one of my favorite weekends of the year.



I invite you to join me. You can watch or listen at these times.

Search, Ponder, and Pray

Tonight was the much-anticipated Relief Society meeting. The first woman, who has a Master's degree in exercise science and writes for the Huffington Post on health and fitness, spoke about physical health. The second woman, a clinical psychologist who teaches at Rutger's and writes textbooks, spoke about mental and emotional health.

And then there was me.

The sweet sister who was in charge of the evening wanted to introduce each of us, so she asked for a few things she could say. The other two gave their credentials about why they were knowledgeable enough to speak on these subjects. I wracked my brain for anything that qualified me to speak on spiritual health and renewal. I had nothing. Well, I had several funny, quirky things to say about myself, but nothing that made me an expert.

The first two speakers were interesting and informative, and while I listened I discovered I had over prepared. A lot. I had researched and reviewed and agonized and rehearsed. I quickly restructured my lesson while I listened to the other two. I kept the hook and about one-fourth of the quotes and the general idea, but I streamlined it.

And you know what? It went well. It was funny where it needed to be funny and heart-felt where it needed to be heart-felt. Most importantly, I bore my testimony about the vital necessity of daily prayer, daily scripture study, and daily time for listening and pondering.

These are the quotes that I ended up using:

Spiritual food is necessary for spiritual survival, especially in a world that is moving away from belief in God and the absolutes of right and wrong. In an age dominated by the Internet, which magnifies messages that menace faith, we must increase our exposure to spiritual truth in order to strengthen our faith and stay rooted in the gospel. -Elder Oaks, April 2015

We should make daily study of the scriptures a lifetime pursuit. … The most important [thing] you can do … is to immerse yourselves in the scriptures. Search them diligently. … Learn the doctrine. Master the principles. …You must … see that … searching the scriptures is not a burden laid upon [us] by the Lord, but a marvelous blessing and opportunity. - President Ezra Taft Benson, Oct 1986

I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns. I find myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind and strength, and loving them more, I find it easier to abide their counsel. -The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball

·         We are continually counseled to increase our spiritual knowledge through prayer and through studying and pondering the scriptures and the words of the living prophets. - Sister Esplin, 2^nd Counselor Primary General Presidency, April 2015

      The first tool is prayer. Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences. Because He respects your agency, Father in Heaven will never force you to pray to Him. But as you exercise that agency and include Him in every aspect of your daily life, your heart will begin to fill with peace, buoyant peace. That peace will focus an eternal light on your struggles. It will help you to manage those challenges from an eternal perspective. -Elder Scott, October 2014

·         For us, as Latter-day Saints, wonders also occur in our individual lives. They include our own personal conversion, the answers we receive to our prayers, and the tender blessings God showers upon us daily. To marvel at the wonders of the gospel is a sign of faith. It is to recognize the hand of the Lord in our lives and in everything around us. Our amazement also produces spiritual strength. It gives us the energy to remain anchored in our faith and to engage ourselves in the work of salvation. But let us beware. Our ability to marvel is fragile. Over the long term, such things as casual commandment keeping, apathy, or even weariness may set in and make us insensitive to even the most remarkable signs and miracles of the gospel. My brothers and sisters, is the gospel still wonderful to you? Can you yet see, hear, feel, and marvel? -Elder Causse, April 2015

The Bibley

About a month and a half ago Peter came home from school with a new assignment. He was to choose a poem at least ten lines long, memorize it, and perform it. A few weeks later a rubric was sent home showing what was expected. The instructions said that parents should help.

I was so excited.

Peter was not.

He said repeatedly that it was "so dumb" and complained that he didn't want to do it. I pointed out the fun aspects and checked several books of funny poems out from the library. He ended up picking one by Shel Silverstein (The Bibely, from Don't Bump the Glump) and turned it in for teacher approval a few weeks ago.

On Monday I was looking at the calendar and realized that Peter's poem project was due on Friday. I had no idea if he'd worked on it at all. I asked him about it and he couldn't even remember which poem he'd chosen.

Ack.

After looking through the book, we both remembered the poem. It took another two days for him to actually start working on it. Peter has inherited my knack for memorization, so he committed it to memory in no time. I was busy making dinner yesterday when he came in to show me that he was ready.

The rubric had four different grading options, 4 being the best and 1 being the worst. Peter's first time through the poem was a solid 1, maybe a 2 if I was being generous. And that's what I told him. He told me he was sure it was a 4. I asked him to bring in the rubric and we would compare. After reading the criteria he relented that it wasn't a 4, but it was a strong 2. I told him to keep working on it.

He was willing to memorize it, but scoffed at any performance suggestion I made. I changed tactics and started asking questions: who was his character? who was he talking to? who was the Bibely? why was this poem so important? A few of the questions had an impact, but most slid right off his third-grade shell of self-assurance.

I finally looked at him and said, "Peter, I am a trained drama teacher! I went to college for this! You should listen to what I have to say." My credentials didn't impress him much.

I felt like a tiger mother while I was critiquing his work. At one point I thought, I bet most moms would be saying "good job honey" and other ego boosting phrases. Not me though, I needed to wear my director hat and tell him the poem was "okay, but not great." After working for a while, he did improve. Judging by his last performance yesterday afternoon, I would have given him a 3.

I don't think he's nervous, but I'm anxious for him. At least he has lots of public speaking experience thanks to talks in church and past Primary programs. I hope it goes well tomorrow.

On the Docket

On Sunday after church I was looking at my calendar and marveling at how I didn't have anything pressing coming up. There were no big projects or meetings, no plans with friends or family. I wondered what I would do with all that extra time.

Dangerous thoughts, I know.

Shortly after my calendar gazing I was asked to teach Phoebe's preschool for the next two weeks, starting tomorrow. And I'm now in charge of a preschool hibernation party that will also take place this month. I've spent most of today planning my lesson for the three-hour chunk of time during which eight three and four-year-olds will be at my house.

The moral of this cautionary tale? Never think that you have free time, because something will come to fill it up.